I used to be a really regular poster. But my life turned upside down last year and everything has changed. I hope you?ll welcome me back, I so need MN help.
My children?s father left a year ago and has moved to another country. He had bad depression. He is slowly getting better but he has decided he will not move back here. He is living with his parents and slowly getting back to work, but can?t financially contribute, but is now able to pay for his flights back. He?s been back three times since he left. The first couple of times were awful, he was drinking far too much and not looking after the children properly, so it was hard.
His last visit was better but I think it mainly involved watching tv with the kids and taking them out for lunch. I moved out while he was over as my house is too small for us all.
I work full time. I have little support, my mum does come over but usually when I have to travel for work (I travel within the UK, every six weeks or so will be away overnight).
I feel like I am running on empty. At first the adrenaline kept me going but I am running out of steam. The children seem to be suffering.
DD1 is 7. She has a few issues, and they just seem to be getting worse
- sometimes she has a ?meltdown?. She will cry, for hours, without wanting comfort from me, and won?t tell me what is wrong.
- She doesn?t want to ?do? things, so going anywhere (to a friends house, museum, park) takes hours of cajoling and is so frustrating. And usually if we do finally get there, she then makes a huge fuss and doesn?t want to leave. So she is really just being contrary.
- Insomnia. This is my biggest worry. She will not/ cannot sleep. I?ve tried so many things and it?s been going on for months. Her usual time to go to sleep is now 11pm which is just so late. Last night I lay next to her until 10pm trying to get her to drop off. Then she asked if she could read. She has to get up about 7am for school. At the weekend, sometimes she will sleep till 9am but that is unusual.
In terms of school, I?ve spoken to her teacher, who says she is enthusiastic and alert and has not spotted any problems. She finds her schoolwork too easy I think, she reads very well. We talk well about things and she has a great imagination.
Her reading is very good, she reads easily a book a night, usually stuff like Iggy and Me, or Jacqueline Wilson, or Wimpy Kid kind of stuff. I let her read at night.
I have been to the doctor about the insomnia and we are waiting to see a mental health team but please if anyone has any tips I would love some help.
DD2 is 3.5. She is ok but a bit naughty sometimes. She is very sweet but her temper is getting shorter, but she is at that age I guess. Her sleeping is also very bad. She will not go to sleep in her bed, she refuses and cries. I cannot keep her in her bed and she ends up going to sleep in mine. If I put her back into her room she wakes in night and screams until I get her and she really wants to cuddle all night long. I don?t know how to break the cycle. She gets occasionally a viral wheeze so I have never had her in a good sleep routine but now it is ridiculous.
Her nursery teachers tell me she is settled. Her routine is nursery two days a week, nanny at home three days a week.
I feel like my mothering skills are being worn away. I feel that their behaviour is owing to their father leaving and i am clearly lacking. He is not good at regular contact by Skype and is terrible at committing to his next visit ? he says he can?t be sure with work and money. He said to them he might be here in February but now that isn't happening so might be Easter now. He was going to come at Christmas then didn?t, he gave me some notice on that but only because I tried to pin him down.
How can I get him to be more definite about his visits?
I feel the girls need more certainty. I need more rest. I have no time at all now when I am at home and my children are asleep so I can get stuff done, like laundry or even sit in my bed reading. As DD2 is in my room, I have no sanctuary. I am so tired. Please any advice. How can I be good cop and bad cop at the same time? How can I help them sleep? How can I reassure them?
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