3 year old ds will only whisper when at nursery

[EHmum]

Ds and me are both fairly introvert so it's no surprise that ds1 who is 3 and 3 months is very shy sometimes and doesn't tend to interact easily with other kids. He is great when he's out with us, and will say a big thankyou to waiters when we go to a restaurant etc, although we often have tantrums before we go anywhere - he never wants to go out to the duck pond, toddler group, play areas etc but usually enjoys it when we get there.

I sometimes worry that he will be less happy through life being quiet and shy, but want to give him loads of love for what he is, rather than trying to make him someone he's not. Having said that dh and me do take him out a lot and give him lots of chances to interact.

The one big thing that worries me is that he won't speak most of the time at nursery - he just whispers when prompted, and tends to play on his own all the time. I have considered moving him to a childminder thinking that the environment will suit him more, but perhaps the move will unsettle him. He seems happy with his key worker and other carers at nursery and will easily go to them for a cuddle and tickle when he gets there, but often cries when I am taking him in until he gets that cuddle from them.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? Not sure how much I should be worried.

[knat]

hi my dd is 21/2 and has always been very quiet and whispery when she speaks but more so with other people. All of a sudden in the last month or so her language has come on leaps and bounds, she's talking in sentences and her volume generally has increased. We very rarely ahve to say to her say it louder now. Maybe it's a time thing, or a confidence one. How long has he been at nursery? What do they say about it? I think with dd she's more confident now her speech has progressed and that is why the volume has increased. Again we soemtimes have tantrums when we have to go out somewhere although usually it's ok because she loves going park, ducks etc. I think sometimes you do have to accept them for what they are, if they are quieter or happier with their own company, just give them the opportunities,encourage but also i think its important not to give in to them even if they kick up a fuss at goingsomewhere, at the end of the day we all ahve to go places we don't want to (and as u say he usually enjoys it when he's there). Its finding the balance - which is easier said then done!

[EHmum]

Thanks for that. I agree entirely with what you say - just nice to have some reassurance sometimes. He's been at that nursery since he was 1yo but reduced to 2 days a week when i was pregnant with ds2 and now goes 3 days a week as I'm back at work. He was worse when i wasn't working - i think he knew i was going home and it was a jealousy thing so he kicked up a fuss more when i dropped him off. Better now he sees me in my suit going to work but still whispers. Just want him to be happy and confident!

[zoeuk1]

id like to reasure you on this one! my ds is 7 and is now very extroverted, however when he was younger (from about the age of one) he used to get very upset about going anywhere and when he started playgroup he would cry alot and also prefer to play on his own. i always dreaded the day he started school because i was so worried about him, but as soon as he started school he changed completely. he's still very sensitive but has so much confidence now. he had maybe one or two friends at playgroup but at school he has loads and is very popular. im sure as he gets older he will gain more confidence as my son did.

[threebob]

I taught a boy who didn't speak to me for the first term of lessons. He is still quiet, but will always sing to me.