Show off daughter

[Dotty342kids]

So, my DD is nearly 8. I love her to bits (as you do!) but sometimes I'm so horrified and ashamed of her behaviour.
She's very academic and bright and she really knows it. I've never particularly fed her ego, no more than her older brother anyway and he's much more normal! But she is such a show off. She is always looking to score points against her brother / other kids by putting them down or really showing off about something she is doing or is going to do. This doesn't seem to have lost her any friends yet but I'm sure it will do soon! She has to have the last word, even in discussions with adults, which I just find mortifying.
I've tried telling her off, punishing her, talking to her about how this will land her with no friends but nothing seems to work.
I'm beginning to despair!
Any ideas about things I can try to do to stop this awful behaviour would be gratefully received.

[bluerememberedthrills]

I woudl try to ignore it and not engage in any competitions. Notice when she behaves how you want her to, even for a split second, and praise that.

Maybe reassure her that she's great in your eyes whatever she is or isn't good at?

Make admiring remarks about other skills such as empathy, kindness, good listening?

[lljkk]

Agree that praise for her being quiet, putting others first, being patient, being helpful, not taking over or being bossy or dismissive: all good strategies.

I suppose try to help her understand how others feel when she shows off. how it can make them feel discouraged or put down.

I feel your pain, I have a similar DD.

[sedgieloo]

Hi dotty, mine are under two so no voice of experience here except to say I think I may have been like this. I can only think to praise magnificently any generous acts and kindness towards others. Difficult. It is good that she is and wants to be a high achiever, just not at others expense and her own popularity!

[sedgieloo]

Could you do something together with her to nurture more her compassionate and empathetic side. Helping elderly in your community or something. My parents did this with me maybe it helped take the focus off myself. I don't know. Probably unhelpful idea sorry, just trying to think how I managed to grow out of this!

[MrsMushroom]

Is there anyone close to her who she's learned this behaviour from? I only ask because my dds friend is like this....and her Dad despairs...but her Mother is JUST the same. Im not suggesting you're like this...but is DDs Dad? Gran? Anyone?

[Dotty342kids]

Hmm, good question MrsMushroom! I don't think so.... I do have a tendancy towards being very competent at things but I've never been the show off type.
I like your other ideas too, especially about doing unselfish kind things for other people (and then praising accordingly), I'll have a think and see what I can come up with.

[bluerememberedthrills]

I just wonder if doing community help could backfire - could be another thing to boast about?

I say this because at my school (posh, pushy etc) that kind of thing was sometimes another bullet point on the cv rather than something that we really took on board as having any relation to us. I blush to think of the patronising way I made sandwiches at a homeless shelter.

One thing that had an effect on me was taking an EQ test. I was used to getting high marks on IQ tests so was expecting top scores on the emotional intelligence test and when I scored very low it made me think. But I was quite a bit older - at 8 she's probably still just enjoying her skills and will grow out of the showboating.

Good luck.

[Dotty342kids]

ooh, that's an interesting thought, I can see it may well have that effect! Hope to goodness you're right about her growing out of it {wink}

[MrsMushroom]

Read her some Enid Blyton! her characters are always looking down on "boasters"!

"Ooh don't be such a boast Dick!" etc etc.