Son who is 6 yrs with autistic traits

[Nicolamilo06]

My little boy is 6 years old and in primary 2 in Scottish education system . From 2 years old I've been pulled into see many a care giver or teacher for my sons behaviour not always bad just poor concentration and lack of ability to make friends or becomes aggressive with Change . After two years of private gym lessons at school and many "ideas" we are no closer to what we think may be wrong with him . He is unable to jump balance or run without hard work and alot of time and practise we have been down dsyprixia path to be told that autistic spectrum seems more approximate to what he acts like now I'm clueless on these things I know he is easy confused by facial cues or doesn't understand humour alot of the time but he is a very kind and loving boy with most people but he is a hater of change just lookifn for ideas to be honest as I'm lost In the system but teacher says not to worry myself as they have some specialist coming in to see him in private

[Goldmandra]

I'm sure she's being kind but how could you possibly not worry?

My girls have ASD but they are both kind and loving. What they do miss sometimes are the subtle signs that someone is upset but once they know they are lovely.

Have you looked on the National Autistic Society website? They give information about the diagnostic criteria.

We find change more manageable if there is lots of warning and preparation plus things like weighted blankets and chewing gum to help with the stress.

You need to find out more about who this specialist is and whether you should also be asking for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. If your son does have ASD an assessment could help everyone understand how to support him better.

[Nicolamilo06]

Thanks so much for advice ! Charlie is very loving so I find it hard to think its asd he doesn't quite understand hurtful words and why saying he hates me would cause me to be upset but then a few minutes later he comes and cuddles me so hard but he still hasn't understood what's happened , alot of the reason why they are having to specialist in is due to his physical limitations not hitting his milestones as his social aspects are clear to most , kids don't understand him as he has an thing about doctor who which he uses to explain his feelings sometimes which I found strange but means I can use it to relate ( I'll try anything) I am so confused by it all ! TeAhers are very shy to say a name for anything they think may be wrong to cover their backs but I'm wondering if I should take him to local gp see if this is a quicker result for him as Ive tried alot of things with him to help him get on in the world but most times I want to shelter him when I hear kids say he is strange and a freak as he can't understand why kids think he is like that when he behaves normal for him

[Goldmandra]

Oh it is so hard isn't it? My heart was breaking for my 9 year old a couple of days ago when she was telling me how she sticks out like a sore thumb even when she's trying really hard to fit in.

I don't know what the system for assessing children for developmental disorders is in your area but your GP might. If not they can find out. There will probably be a long waiting list and at first you may well be told that what you are describing is normal. This is a first line of defence for an underfunded system so don't let it put you off.

Things do get harder for children with ASD as they get older and their peers progress faster socially. If you get a diagnosis now it will be easier to get more support in school as and when he needs it. Not easy by any means but easier.

I would go and see the GP without him so you can speak freely without knocking his self esteem. You can always take him in later if the GP wants to see him.

[Ineedpigsinblankets]

Hi nicola, the first thing you should do is get an appointment with you GP, you dont need to take your son. Tell the GP everything you have told us on here and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Next keep a diary of any issues/difficulties that you son has, what causes them and how you deal with them.

Then come over to the Special Needs Children board, there are loads of people over there who know loads about ASD and will be able to support you.

Good luck

[Goldmandra]

The diary is a good idea. Include any behaviour management strategies you are using and how he responds to them, things he say about how what he struggles with and also comments other people make about him to you.

[Nicolamilo06]

I've been to gp when he first started school I was told to wait until he was eight unless school advised doctor to step in , I was told then he may just be in a phase and I felt fobbed off and I haven't chased it up as don't want to seem like these mothers who think their child has everything wrong but there is nothing if you understand ! I will call my doctor today to make appointment thanks so much for your help guys any advice is welcomed x

[Goldmandra]

I know it's horrible to have to push professionals. You do get used to it in the end.

I used to get very stressed about having to disagree with them but these days it is water off a duck's back.

Someone once said to me that if the SENCo doesn't raise her eyes to the ceiling at the mention of your name you're probably not getting your child's needs met effectively. That is probably a bit extreme but the underlying message is sadly fairly accurate.

You need to reinforce the impact these difficulties are having on your child's ability to lead an everyday life. A diagnosis is a key to support whatever anyone tells you. In theory support is needs based. In practice it is usually based on the least they think they can get away with.

Good luck with the appointment.

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

It seems you have been badly advised - with ASD, the earlier you start help, the better. Wait until 8 suggests you have seen someone with no clue, alas our supposedly wonderful NHS is infested with such people, and as others have said, you have to push very very hard to get the needs of a child with ASD met.
Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if my LEA have a contract out on me, I have been such a PITA to them over the last 2 years.
What I would say to you is that every instinct I have had about my ds has been proved right by experience - you know your child best, do not be patronised and insist he sees the appropriate specialist (probably an educational psychologist in the first instance) as soon as possible.

[Ineedpigsinblankets]

I agree with karlos and Gold you do need to be a PITA.

My Gp tries to hide when he sees me coming through the door
To be fair he has got used to me using him as a platform for referrals now. He didnt like it at first but once he realised I knew more than he did about ASD he started to be more helpful.

Last time I was there he got the dictaphone out and dictated a letter to the physios while I was sitting there

Bless him.

Arm yourself with knowledge nicola and you and your son will be fine.

Good luck

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

There is often an awkward period with GPs where the reality that you are more knoweldgebale than they are starts to dawn on them. There is a period of adjustment which is frequently quite painful for them ... once they accept it (and in fairness my GP never pretended for a amoment she knew much about ASD) they can become moderately useful.

[Ineedpigsinblankets]

@that karlos

[Nicolamilo06]

Hi guys thanks again for advice but I'm so new to all this and I'm clueless on the shorted version of things :/ I'm trying to avoid most websites until school has their chance to do there thing out of fact internet can drive you round the bend with baffling information . At the moment charle is going through his most challenging change I'm 20 weeks pregnant and no amount of chatting books or bribes seem to win him round to the idea of a new baby in his family I've went and bought a diary for his behaviours as his new focus seems to be the traffic outside his window we have set of traffic lights and he likes how he can time or predict a red light I know this is strange behaviour but what it's showing I'm lost c

[Goldmandra]

The timing of traffic lights is most likely to be a way of managing anxiety.

Children with ASD find change very difficult. The more predictable a routine is the more safe and secure they feel. What could be more predictable than a traffic light changing in a pattern timed by a computer? He is gaining reassurance from the fact that the change happens consistently at the same time.

This also explains lots of repetitive behaviours, especially asking the same question over and over again. My DD2 has a bit of a habit of doing this and I try to remind myself to give her the same answer each time so she gets the reassurance she is seeking.

[FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine]

My Dd has severe autism bt is one of the most loving children you could ever meet, lack of affection is not a prerequisite for ASD

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

No indeed, most kids with ASD I know are very loving and affectionate, it is one of the many ways in which they are lovely, contrary to what many people believe.
The internet is a valuable resource and you should certainly use it but you need to filter. The SN board on here is a good place to start.

[Nicolamilo06]

He has only started doing it last few weeks since he has realised my bump is appearing , he is always asking boy or girl but at the moment I can't answer ive tried giving great reasons for both and remind him he is big brother so baby will think he is amazing has decided as long as baby likes doctor who it can live with us ;) he has some wee personality and some daft ideas I'll try looking online without scaring myself x

[Goldmandra]

There's nothing to be scared of Nicolamilo.

A diagnosis of Autism wouldn't change your son. It's not like finding out he has cancer because it wouldn't change him or suddenly get worse. He would still be the same beautiful little boy you know and love right now.

You aren't likely to find anything particularly awful by Googling. What you are likely to find is new ways to understand and help him and other parents going through the same process.

Can you take him to visit other babies before his sibling is born? Also think about getting everything ready for the baby very early on. Put the pram, cot, baby bath, bouncy chair, etc where they will be when the baby arrives and give him several weeks to get used to them being around. This will make the arrival of the baby less of an upheaval. Also if your DH will take over some of his care start now.

Anything you can do to minimise the impact of the baby's arrival is worthwhile.