I've just had it this morning.
It's been a whole week of tantrums power struggles and out and ought fights over EVERYTHING with DD2 (2yrs 8 months). It's such a shame, as we had a lovely day together (without DD1 who was at school on Monday) but from Monday night onwards, and tbh, generally over the past few months, her behaviour has just been really unmanageable.
She fights over having her nappy changed in the morning. Fights me about getting dressed, (physically fights me ? I have the scars to prove it) what she will and will not wear, won't come downstairs for breakfast, won't put her shoes on. Won't eat. Throws food/toys/clothes. Won't have her hair brushed. Won't out her coat on. Won't get in the buggy. Once put in thrashes around so that I'm worried she'll injure herself. In the evening, she won't get undressed, won't get in the bath, won't allow me to wash her, put her nappy on, out her jammies on, won't sit still for a story, won't have a cuddle...
I just feel like I'm permanently at war, and it's exhausting and upsetting. I alway try to give her (limited) choices for things "DD2, which tights/dress/jumper would you like, this one or this one" kind of stuff, because I guess this is about control, but it doesn't work.
Time out works pretty well to calm her down, (it's the only thing which does, really) but I feel like she's spending too much time in time out and it's depressing. I want to be with her, for us to be together.
Background info:
I am working 4 (short) days a week running my own business. DD1 is in school (Rec), DD2 is in nursery tuesday-friday, and we have Monday just the two of us, when we do fun stuff together.
I think she misses her sister, as they used to spend a lot of time together at nursery.
She's also moved down from toddlers to the preschool room at nursery.
DH has been away this week with work. TBH it doesn't affect their routine much, he usually takes them to school nursery but otherwise doesn't really see them Monday - Friday.
My mum has been down this week to help out while DH is away. She used to look after DD1 when I first went back to work and we were waiting for a nursery place. As a result they have a very close bond. DD1 dominates her attention and DD2 struggles to get a look in. Mum tries, but because DD2 resorts to bad behaviour to gain attention, it doesn't really work...
I'm working quite hard at the moment, but very much scheduled around the children. I work from early until school finishes, pick up DD1, give her supper, do her homework with her, pick up DD2, bring them both home, have a snack and a drink with them, do bath, story bedtime, make supper for me and DH and then start work again in the evening. So although I'm working hard, I hope it doesn't impact them too much. I am tired though, which probably affects my ability to cope with DD2.
I feel guiltu that DD2 is in nursery 4 days a week and DD1 wasn't at this age as I was on mat leave. I feel guilty because I don't know how to handle her behaviour. I try really really hard to keep cool calm and collected, and usually manage to, but it's exhausting, and I feel like it's a constant, unrelenting fight, and every now and then I get really cross, because she just pushes and pushes and pushes.
I feel guilty that when I'm with her I'm constantly having to discipline her, when all I want to do is enjoy being with her and have fun with her. I try to ensure I praise good behaviour (even the smallest thing) but it's so outweighed by dealing with the bad bahviour.
I feel like we're in a vicious cycle. I feel like DD2 is struggling, but I don't know why. I feel really really miserable about it all.
Any insights/experiences/advice please? I'm at the end of my rope, tbh.
I just love her to bits. She was delightful all day on Monday, so I know my lovely little girl is still in there...
db
xx
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Behaviour/development
DD2: meltdowns, meglomania and mummy guilt... I'm crying at work, which WILL NOT DO. Please help...
30 replies
designerbaby · 30/11/2012 10:38
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