This is going to be a long and very complicated thread, but i am desperate for any advice or help as i'm struggling at the moment,
To start from the beginning, my son has been in full time nursery from 20 months, he has always loved it no issues leaving me, he's very clever (too clever sometimes) could count, recognise numbers, talk, knew his shapes etc all before he started nursery.
He has always been hot headed and had a bit of a temper but is a very loving and sociable little boy, since his move to pre-school his tempers escalated, the nursery put things in place 1 on 1 time, time out etc, reward charts and seemed to be getting under control. Then there was lots of changes, his favourite key worker went on maternity leave, staff were changed around and his behaviour got worse, hitting out, throwing things, big tantrums.
One time the management were called as back up as he was throwing things around, after a period of stalemate and him continueing to throw things and lash out the manager then smacked him, i was told the following day that her staff had reported this.
There was a period of 6 weeks where she was suspended while a case was put against her, the laddo decided no further action and left it to the nursery to deal with, we then pursued it further through the police, they eventually said they could not charge her (not enough evidence no camera where it happened, no mark as it wasn't reported until 3 hours later) and we were told she would be re-instated as there were no charges.
So we had no choice but to remove him from this nursery but in the weeks that followed the incident before we removed him his behaviour became much worse, completely trashing rooms throwin toys, bricks, baskets, shelves etc, saying nasty things, calling people names.
He has been at his new nursery 3 weeks now and they have already had a lady from SENCO into assess him, the health visitor will be out to see us and sent off a CAF form, his behaviour has spiralled out of control, he is swearing, throwing things, punching, headbutting, biting, spitting, throwing food, screaming. You name it he is doing it, his anger is so venemous its scary, he understands right from wrong he tells the staff when he is going to do something, there is no anger build up just outbursts its calculated and planned, he is weeing on staff and threatening to poo on them, they are by all admissions quite scared to be left alone with him. He has also told them he will tell mummy that they have stood on his foot or smacked him!
I am at a complete loss how to tackle this, i have been going to the nursery on my lunch, they have tried reward charts, quiet room, puppets, talking to him about what makes him angry, giving him choices of activities, putting him in smaller groups getting him to help out, some have worked but only for a short period of time and the tiniest of things can set him off again.
He is alot better behaved for me at home and the worst of his behaviour is seen at nursery however we have had many incidents at home now where he is lashing out and hitting us, he seems to find most of what he's doing amusing, but will sit and listen when we explain why it is wrong, he gets upset and promises not to do it again but then the next day goes into nursery and continues hitting, smacking etc. He is not mixing with other children anymore he says he wants to be alone most of the time, and doesn't want to join in group activities which is completely out of character. You can have a full conversation with him his speech and understanding of things is very advanced for his age, so i know he can express his emotions he's just choosing not to.
The swearing aswell is a big shock for us as we have only ever heard him swear once or twice and immediately told him what he's saying doesn't make sense, he only has to hear something once and he knows how to use it in context. Some of the things he has said would be shocking heard from an adult and i know they have not come from home.
Although there have been tiny areas of improvement since the change of nursery, he was still occasionally having accidents at his old one but now has not had any (except the ones he has been doing on purpose) mostly his behaviour has got much worse, scarily worse, he is not the same happy bright little boy with a bit of a hot temper he was 12 months ago, hes now becoming a danger to himself, other children and the staff ( most of his voilent outbursts are aimed at the staff)
Any advice on any of the issues would be much appreciated! i'm fighting a losing battle at the moment and i have tried just about everything i can think possible, from reward charts to bribing him! nothing seems to be working at the moment and its making for a very unhappy house and most of all a very unhappy child :( I understand the big changes, the assault, the stress at home due to recent events could all be having an effect on him, i would love some advice on how to counter act this.
My huge concern is that he starts school in 9 months and if his behaviour is to get any worse, or not see any improvement is that he will not be able to attend a main stream school, even though he is very intelligent. I'm also having to consider my job and if i can go part time or even give it up to give him the attention he seems to be craving although financially this may not be possible, and he does need to attend some form of nursery to prepare him for school.
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Behaviour/development
Anger/emotional/behaviour problems in an out of control 3 (almost 4) year old! HELP!
16 replies
Tash21 · 22/11/2012 14:42
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