poos in pants - time to get tough? am at my wits end!.........

[1fish2fish]

my twin boys are 3.4 and have been in pants for 6 months now since they were 2.10. They got the hang of wees quite quickly and within 8 weeks were completely dry daytime and are now 100% dry day and night. BUT WE HAVE GOT NOWHERE WITH POOS absolutely no improvement at all in 6 months.

First DS will occasionally poo on potty, but its very hit and miss and i always have to put him on when i notice he needs one, he would almost never do it himself. Second DS has issues, will not poo a whole poo, always little bits through the day cos he is witholding and 'nipping it off' as my OH puts it! I really feel lately that they are capable of getting it but refusing, they definately do fully understand intellectually what they need to do and will talk about it and come up with excuses.

They will say things like 'never mind' 'i will do it on potty next time' 'we are still learning mummy' then will say 'we are not learning very good, are we mummy?' and will laugh about it.

I have never got tough about it, my attitude has been gentle encouragement and to not make a big deal out of it and be patient and they will do it when they are ready - but its just not happening/ working

So now i'm thinking of a complete change of attitude and an wondering if i would be better off yelling at them! Have started a reward chart where if they get 2 poos in a row on potty they get to choose a reward from my 'shop' and if they keep on pooing pants i will take toys away, to the point where possibly all of their toys and locked away,not allow them their favorite TV shows, no sweet treats etc

Bear in mind i have been a very lenient mummy this will come as an absolute shock to them but probably the shock that they need? i would hate to make it worse tho, esp with DS2, the one who withholds i wonder if it might have negative effect . Help & suggestions please!!

[JackThePumpkinKing]

It will pass and they will get it. Would they do a poo in a nappy?

If one of them is witholding then movicol might help. It can make them horribly constipated and it affects them much more than you'd think.

Tbh I'd totally ignore it for a while. If they poo in their pants, clean them up. If they poo in the potty, great, but just say well done - don't go wild with praise. Take all the pressure off and let them just do what they will do for a couple of weeks, then reassess.

[JackThePumpkinKing]

Shouting will likely make the withholding worse though, yes

[scarlettsmummy2]

Have you tried using the toilet instead? My three year old simply wouldn't do anything, even a wee on a potty as she was embarrassed.

[1fish2fish]

yes i wouldn't really shout at them though i do come very close to it sometimes.

The thing is ive had done the whole ignoring thing for 6 months now, the most ive ever said is 'oh never mind, lets try and get it in the potty next time' in a very happy cheery voice.

i am just starting to feel like they dont take it seriously, they will actually laugh with each other about it like 'ha ha ha i've pooed my pants'

[Nevercan]

I had the same problem with dd1. It took about 8 months and then one day she suddenly did it in the potty and never looked back. I think she just didn't understand the feeling enough to get on the potty before it came out...

[RikersBeard]

My DS sorted it immediately when I started making him have a shower afterwards. He's not very keen on the shower, and didn't enjoy the effort of undressing, showering, drying and dressing when he'd rather be off playing. But I had had enough of all the mess and using packets of wipes to clean up, so I was never cross or used it in a punishing way, but just matter of fact- if you poo in pants we have to clean up in the shower. He decided he wasn't up for that, and pops started going in the potty :)

[eviekingston]

I'm ashamed to admit that a huge bribe was what worked for my son! He was also dry (day and night) very quickly at about 3yrs old, but spent about 2 weeks pooing in his pants. He knew when he needed to go, but would sit on the loo (with training seat) for about 5 seconds, tell me it wasn't coming out then go off and poo in his pants a few seconds later! It was driving me crazy, and it didn't even go on that long so I really sympathise.. We did a sticker chart but that wasn't very successful until we saw a toy he really really wanted (elc alien pod as I recall) and I told him he could have it after 5 stickers on his chart ( 1 sticker for each poo in the loo). We had never really done the sticker/bribe thing, but it worked! So maybe you need to find the right incentive? Take them to the toy shop, let them choose something and tailor your sticker chart to that. Although it was an expensive way to do it I figured £40 was worth the nightmare of poo in pants! Good luck!

[1fish2fish]

thankyou all, thats not a bad idea, a more expensive toy but bad time of year with xmas coming up! and the shower, they would absolutely hate that but probably all the more reason to give it a try! i really feel i need to crack this now, 6 months is a long time.....

[SendMum]

My son was exactly the same. Non stop changes of pants all through the day as he wouldn't go on a potty and knew he shouldn't poo his pants so he tried to hold on!! In the end what worked for me was a bag full of little stocking filler type presents and if he did a poo on the potty he was allowed to do a 'lucky dip' in the bag. He was so excited by the idea that he spent the next hour after I told him about it sitting on the potty sweating and straining because he couldn't do one! I had to laugh . It did the trick though. Even now he is 5 he still won't go at school so I have to force him to go in the morning at home otherwise he will do the same thing and try to hold on. Good luck!

[CardiffUniversityNetballTeam]

It took DS almost a year to master this. He pooed his pants almost every day. Then, just as I had reached my wits end and was ready to seek medical advice, he stopped. Just like that. With no real reason why or fanfare. It was like something just clicked inside his head and he could do it.

This too shall pass. Although I completely sympathise, 'twas a nightmare.

[byhec]

Bribery worked for us. Also, we gave her more responsibility for doing wees on her own and this helped her to stop pooing in her pants

[steppemum]

my ds would never sit on the toilet and wait, and as a result used to run with crossed legs when he wanted a poo, and sometimes had an accident. I had to explain to him about sitting and waiting, and giving your body time, and let him have a book etc.
Helped a bit!

[lilyfire]

Have you read them the fantastic Poo goes to Pooland? It's available for free on line- just google it. Sorted out my son's poo issues very quickly and he must have been about the same age as your sons. Pretty much ousted Crime and Punishment as my favourite book of all time.

[LoonyRationalist]

My Dd2 has just mastered it (3.9) after over a year of poos in pants. Something just clicked to enable here to do it.
She struggled terribly with withholding and ended up hospitalised with it this time last year. She is still on movicol now.

I say definitely no punishment for accidental, it will make the withholding worse and add stress for them to the situations. Small bribes for every success work much better. I second the shower to clean up, but please don't present it as a punishment, just what is necessary to clean up if there is an accident.