Do other cultures teach their kids to say "sorry" to everything?

[trice]

I was having a battle with my son who had been foul to one of his classmates, I was trying to get him to say "sorry". He asked me why he should say sorry when he wasn't.

I wanted him to say sorry so that the other boys mum wouldn't think that I had no manners. The other boy couldn't have cared less.

I remember a french friend laughing at us brits for apologising all the time. Is it a cultural thing?

[Blu]

In a park in Central Paris a (small - 3, maybe) child accidentally hit my leg with a conker or something. The mother made me stand there while she tried to FORCE this child to apologise - eventually slapping it's legs, while I was insisting 'pas de probleme' etc!

[paolosgirl]

Do we really want to be like the french?

Seriously, I'm an absolute stickler for manners, and whether or not you are sorry, it acknowledges that you were in the wrong. I think we are getting ruder as a society, and hate it - my kids have basic manners drummed into them.

[paolosgirl]

Although agree in Blu's example, slapping a 3 year olds leg is not appropriate in the slightest

[cupcakes]

I think manners show consideration for others. If it's typical of us as a nation then that's excellent (sadly I don't think it is though).

[Blu]

I try to encourage DS to be polite - and to mean it spontaneously, rather than getting into a battle of wills insisting he parrot out the correect phrase. It just seems more productive.

[Carmenere]

Good manners are so important and will take you anywhere. Really it's true, kindness and manners are two of the most important lessons that we need to teach our children imo.

[paolosgirl]

Completely agree, Carmen.

[Heathcliffscathy]

manners are superficial. a genuine understanding of and empathy for another's feelings are the most valuable gift we can give our children....and we teach that to them by empathising with and attempting to understand them alongside encouraging them to name and talk about their feelings.

it's one thing when ds says please of thank you, to get something. it's a total joy when he turns to me after a day at the science museum and says: mummy thank you for taking me here, it was lovely and so exciting

he is nearly two and a half

[fruitful]

"I'm sorry" is quite hard for people to say - lots of adults I know have trouble with it. So I think it is important to get children into the habit. Although sometimes I find dd is willing to say "I shouldn't have hit you" but not "I'm sorry" (like trice's son, she wasn't sorry). At least that is the acknowledgement that she was wrong. And she'll say the words but getting her to sound like she means it - no chance.

The other thing that is hard is when parents expect their children to respond to an "I'm sorry" with "Its ok" or something similar. When their head is still bleeding and its not ok! I have been trying to teach dd to say "I forgive you" instead, meaning "you shouldn't have hit me and its not ok but I'm going to treat you the same as if you didn't hit me". She has translated this in her head and usually says "I'm still your friend".

[LooneyLaura]

DD will say sorry if she understands what she has done wrong is wrong. If in a situation where she doesnt say sorry then I will go through the motions of explaining why it was wrong and usually after that she will say sorry.

[Heathcliffscathy]

i hate it when ds repeatedly says 'sorry mummy, sorry' for something that was an accident or that I'VE done....makes me think that dh and my attempts to instill 'manners' is misguided.

[morocco]

I like the supernanny bit where the kids have to say sorry but in a voice that sounds like they mean it - nothing more annoying than a child saying sorry for bashing your darling over the head in an obviously sickly sweet not at all sorry voice and getting away with it cos all the mum cares about is the fact he said it

[paolosgirl]

Trying to instill manners is not misguided . At 2 and a half, he probably means he's sorry it's happened to you - not that's taking all the responsibility!

[paolosgirl]

should have been - not that he's

[essemvee]

Good manners are dying out so it's important for those of us who still believe in them to work hard at getting our dds and dss to have them... example is the best way, of course, as with most things.

[Twiglett]

They are not always saying sorry because they feel they are in the wrong

an expression like 'sorry' can also mean I feel sad that you are in pain / insulted / upset

I think manners are incredibly important

[hovely]

"nothing more annoying than a child saying sorry for bashing your darling over the head in an obviously sickly sweet not at all sorry voice and getting away with it"

yes - but what do you do then, if it is your own child?
also if (young) child says sorry in a very cross voice obviously not meaning it?
sometimes you have to give up and not labour the point IMO, but I find it hard to know how to handle this

[koolkat]

I don't think it has anything to do with culture, if by this you mean nationality or race.

It has a lot to do with the "culture" of the family. So if your parents are polite and taught good manners, then you are very likley to pass this on to your own children.

[Heathcliffscathy]

hang on just a minute. in britain we have a culture of saying please and thank you. but we also keep people on the doorstep. in other countries there isn't always the same emphasis on words but they wouldn't dream of keeping you outside their home if you rang the doorbell and regardless of who you are you are invited in and offered food and drink.

that is what winds me up about the word 'manners' it isn't always about real consideration of the other person is it?

[koolkat]

sophable - good point.

[trice]

I would rather ds behaved himself in the first place.

He has a habit of saying sorry in a silly voice, which means we have to go through a stupid routine of me forcing him to say sorry "properly" and him trying various different stupid ways of doing it to wind me up. We both end up in a state and the behaviour that demanded the "sorry" gets forgotten in the kerfuffle. I hate the whole thing.

[Mercy]

sophable, completely agree, but also in this country we also tend to form orderly queues !

I still get thrown in certain countries where it's a free for all (and here too at times). Sorry but my personal hate.

[lovecloud]

I agree it is important to teach children manners from the word go!

But it needs to go further than a simple "sorry". so many mums I know just ask for a "sorry" out of their kids when they have just removed some hair from another childs head or broken or thrown something or one time one kid drew all over someones lounge wall and all as usual the mum made her just say "sorry" and was happy with that.

Depending on what a child has done they need to apologise, understand why it was wrong and then they should be disciplined by using the naughty wall to reflect on what they have done, have a star removed from a chart, be taken home if out at a soft play centre or have a toy taken away for a week.

Whats the point in just making them say "sorry" it just a word to 2 year olds and means nothing. I see so many kids shouting "sorry" and then 5 mins later repeating what they had done.

[Heathcliffscathy]

queueing. basically only happens here doesn't it? :o