Shocked about what ds's friend aged 6 can't do ...

[Easy]

Today We took ds's friend (well his girlfriend, according to him) for an outing, our first time with this friend. Now I know my ds is advanced for 6 (everyone tells me so), but I was shocked to find that she
a) is unable to fasten a car seatbelt herself (her mum put her in my car as we went, she couldn't fasten it herself for the return journey)
b) Doesn't know when her birthday is, beyond being able to say "It's a long time to my birthday"
c ) can't identify the months of the year, and doesn't know it is February now.

Also can't understand why I corrected the phrase " I don't want no chips", altho' I recognise this may be acceptable language at her house.

My son has fastened his own seatbelt since just after his 5th birthday, has a complete grasp of the calendar, and has been able to tell people his birthday date since 3 y.o.

He can now tell the time (altho' won't admit it, he's too sly).

Are my expectations too high and the girlfriend is average for 6, or is his friend "a bit behind"

I'm genuinely curious about this one

[iota]

ds2 has done his own seatbelt from the age of 4 (he has Britax Hi-liner when he turned 4)

sorry that sounds like a proud mummy boast doesn't it?

ds2 has always been in a hurry to keep up with ds1 - very common in second children I believe.

[daisy1999]

children do things at different paces and she can probably do other things that your son can't.

[GDG]

Hmm, I don't have a 6 yr old so not sure. Ds1 is 4. He can do his seatbelt (insists on it), knows his birthday. Not sure about months of the year tbh, will have to ask him. Not sure he could tell me it's February.

No, just asked him and he didn't know it was February.

As for 'I don't want no chips' - cringe!!!

[Tanya35]

Hi,
My older son and my twins who have just turned 4 in January were all ably to fasten themselves in before they turned 4, ~I think its a matter of letting them so you have less to do to be honest. Some mum's just prefer to do things for their children for longer than others, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, we're all different, but I do think that you can't beat giving them their independence early on, it makes life easier for all in the long run!!

[jowen]

I couldn't tell the time, fasten a seatbelt, didn't know my birthday, and accepted the verbal grammatical rules I heard around me when I was six. I don't think it is any reflection of 'behind' or 'forward', her talents may lie in different areas.

[GDG]

That's true daisy. I'm sure some children ds1's age know the months of the year but he is at the top of the class for reading and got his 25m swimming badge about a year ago

[iota]

just remembered that I had ds1 in a 5 point harness in his seat until he was about 5 - only really thought about it when I gave a more sturdy and taller schoolfriend a lift and couldn't fit him into the harness

[DumbledoresGirl]

Dd is nearly 6 and can do her own seatbelt and knows her birthday (I think - anyway, knows which month it is in) and would know it is February, but wouldn't be able to recite off all the months in order.

The grammar spoken by your ds's friend would suggest a alck of education in her family but I am sure as daisy said there are things hse knows/can do that your ds can not.

[jowen]

Also, does this girl's family have a car? If she doesn'ty go in a car very often, she may not ever get the opportunity to fasten her own seatbelt. I will stress again that poor grammar in anyone is no indication of being 'a bit behind'.

[RedZuleika]

"Some mum's just prefer to do things for their children for longer than others"

I was 14 before I learnt how to take the top off a boiled egg. My father always did it for me. Perhaps the mother always fastens her in the car?

[coppertop]

Ds1 will be 6 in the summer and needs help with his seatbelt. We don't have a car so he's not really had much practice there. Not all children do.

He knows the month of his birthday but isn't sure of the date. This probably wasn't helped much by the school recording his birthdate wrongly (despite having his birth certificate to copy it from) and telling him it was on a different day.

He knows what month it is because he has to write it down at school but otherwise probably wouldn't care too much.

OTOH he can do other things that children of his own age (and older) probably couldn't do.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

I am not sure your expectations are too high, but I think they may be too fixed. I am not convinced that there is a fixed line of progress along which things like months and doing up your seatbelt have a particular place, thus allowing them to be measures of how developed a child is. dd is five. she can do sums like 98 x 4, writes in proper sentences and reads extremely well. but doesn't know what month it is. (never seen it as a priority) She rarely comes into contact with normal seat belts as she uses a child seat.

[NotQuiteCockney]

"I don't want no chips" is grammatical, it's proper spoken English for many people. It's not Standard English, but that's a different issue.

[Lacrimosa]

OMG just wanted to say ds has learning difficulties and can do all that I dont think its an iddication of being a bit behind! a childs intelligence is very broad and cannot be judged by things like this all children learn different things at different times according to home life and education. for example ds could swim well by the age of 3 1/2 but could not ride a bike until he was nearly 5 1/2 .

[geekgrrl]

Well, I really don't think the stuff you mentioned means anything whatsoever - children have different interests and priorities.

My 6 year old dd can't fasten her seat belt when she's on her booster seat (but then even I can barely do it). She still prefers me to wipe her bum, too!

She doesn't know her exact date of birth, just the month, and she's only learnt that quite recently.

She's only just figured out the months of the year and knows what month it is now, but it's not really something of consequence or interest to her yet.

She's on the gifted and talented register at school and has a reading age of around 9.

[foxinsocks]

generally, I don't have expectations of other people's children (except hopefully some basic manners!)

neither of mine can do seatbelts (5 and a half, 4 and a bit) - we don't do fine motor skills well and I think this is probably one of them

both mine are good with months, dates but they have a bit of a fixation with this

she may well know her birthday but was flummoxed by your interrogation

[LIZS]

ds can only just do his car seat (7) as the sockets are very deep set and he has motor issues. She may be so used to her mum doing her seat belt for her, perhaps it began if she was reluctant to do so herself or undid it. I suspect ds could have found he could do it earlier if I hadn't got so in the habit of doing it for him. He knows his birthday is March but does not always remember the exact date, and is familiar with the calendar, and has been for several years. I think your ds is probably not representative of his age group but this particular girl may simply not have wanted to talk to you and may shine on other areas.

[Nightynight]

I think my 6 year old would fail all these tests (seatbelt and dates), but probably because he is always so busy reciting his tables, and other mathematical achievements.

it really depends what they're interested in.

[crazydazy]

I have just asked DD (she was 6 in January) what month it was - she said "don't know".

I then asked when her birthday was - she got it wrong.

I always fasten her seat belt because I just wouldn't trust her to do it herself, kids don't always manage to put the slots in correctly.

She is very bright though and is in the top group for reading and she is very good at painting.

So really my opinion is the same as others that kids learn different things at different times but that doesn't mean they are brighter I don't think.

I too wipe her bum but I know she is perfectly capable but just don't mind doing it for her as she is only 6.

[interstella]

iI think you are being a bit judgemental,i expect theres lots of thngs your ds cant do that other kids can,isn't that the case with all children?!my ds is v bright has an academic age a couple of yrs ahead of his age,yet he cannot always do up a seatbaelt and gets in a right tizz.I was put up a year all through school as academically i was ahead but i couldnt do my shoe laces up properly until i was 13!!!!I also woud never correct another childs grammer-if they said something unking etc i would but certainly its not my place to correct anything else-ie,i wouldnt tell a child they werent holding their cutlery "properly".

[Enid]

dd1 doesnt know her birthday or what month it is - i just asked her, she said, er April?

but I bet she can outrun and outswim your ds

[Gingerbear]

Apart from the grammar, I don't think it matters TBH.

[Easy]

Sorry, no I'm not being judgemental, just curious.

Nor was it an interrogation. DS asked her birthday on our way out (cos he has his eye on a £24 Bratz set he wants to buy her as a present !!!). I got the months thing because we were playing a word game on the way back.

And I'm surprised about the seatbelt cos they do have a car, and a younger child, and I'd have assumed her mum would have encouraged her to sort herself out whilst dealing with the little one.

I know different kids have different abilities (for example, ds can't ride a bike at all), I was just surprised by these things which I take for granted in ds.

Oh, and one more thing, I know they do the date every day at school, so was surprised that she didn't know about february.

That's all.

[foxinsocks]

I was just joshing with you re the interrogation!