anyone else with a loner pre-schooler?

[kleist]

My dd's 3-and-a-quarter and went to playgroup for 3 months last year from September to Christmas, but started school pre-school nursery in January. She goes 5 mornings a week for 2.5 hours each time.

She's a rather solitary little girl, she'd rather hang out with mummy all day every day if she could, she doesn't mind what we do so long as we're 'together.' And nothing I do or say (gently of course) can encourage her round to the idea that friends are great. I left her today with a very sweet little girl who clearly is drawn to my dd while my dd continually shook her off and ended up in tears.

Do you think she's just happiest by herself? Or would like to have friends and doesn't know how to go about it? We do meet up with some mums and their kids and she's fine with that although NEVER actually plays with the children, just observes them from somewhere close to me.

Anyone else with similar?

TIA

[Enif]

dd1 was like this

in fact she was like it right up to starting school

BUT for some reason she loved school and made loads of friends

If I had another baby like this I would pander. I would keep meeting up with friends and let her be clingy. One day she will suprise you...

[katyp]

Think its still normal to play alongside rather than with other children at this age. Maybe keep meeting the same kids regularly and she will gradually get used to having them around?

She is getting plenty of contact with other kids at nursery though so I wouldn't worry too much

[Sparklemagic]

Kleist, my DS is very very similar. I think it's entirely normal and natural and as others say it is more normal to play alongside at this stage. I notice that at my DS's preschool the girls that save seats for eachother and really seem to be friends are over four, the ones that will be the oldest in reception year.

Parents are still central at this age and I think that is probably just how it should be for making secure, well attached children who have the emotional capacity to make good friendships. So for the moment you are laying the groundwork for her, that's why she clings to you - she's still learning and developing the abilities she needs.

I would say just accept her for how she is and value your lovely relationship with her. I'm sure she'll take off with it all when she's school age, if not before! I would definitely say that accepting it is the best thing to do though because trying to persuade them away from you and niggling at them to do things they don't feel ready to must stress children out I think.

I feel my son is learning enough at pre-school just by taking part in register time, and being in the group environment.

[gigwig]

Hi
My DS is very similiar,just wants to be with me and his dad. He is at pre-school in the mornings and has gradually opened up being there.

He is very loud and talkactive at home with us (never stops!) but the opposite when at pre-school, but he is starting to talk more there now.

He has just started asking if one particular boy will be there.

I have spent time worrying about his not having friends, but have come to accept he's very happy as he is and he is still very young and we are just gently encouraging him to talk about the other children at pre-school.

DS doesn't really play much with other children when we meet with other mums. I just think he is still very young emotionally, compared to some children of his age I know. In a year or so, I expect he will see that friends are nice.

[kleist]

Thanks for these replies.

I never push her actually to be sociable, you see I was terribly shy myself as a child and I do know how she might feel. I also know she'll change, hopefully, when she's ready. She just seemed to be so sad yesterday when telling me she doesn't play with the other children because it's 'too hard' ...

In other ways I'm so impressed with her, she copes with school ok, has not, until today, cried or made a fuss about going. She says the odd melancholy comment like 'I'd much rather stay with you' / 'I missed you today mum' etc. And she leaps into my arms like a baby monkey when I collect her.

[Orinoco]

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[kleist]

Orinoco, once again our dd's are so similar - remember me???

Dd, so far, doesn't hang with the teachers either. A friend of mine has a dd at the same school who ended up staying around quite a bit as her dd had problems settling told me that my dd was always alone, sometimes dancing in circles on the story carpet, sometimes playing with various things but drifting off when other kids appeared ...

[Orinoco]

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[kleist]

Yes, I changed my name a while ago. We once discussed bedtime procrastination in some detail ... remember?

[Orinoco]

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