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Just need to blow some steam.........................

11 replies

Flowertop · 14/02/2006 11:17

Hi I have posted before and am back with the same old problem my DS1 who is 7 (actually beginning to think it's me all along). Ok it's half term and as such thought it would be nice for DS1 and DS2 to attend a kidsclub for a couple of hours. So duly paid the money, spoke to the kids and then took them along. DS1 went mad crying and pushing me saying he wasn't going to go. So I just took them home but was so angry with him and now feel an absolute cow. I shouted at him and told him he would have to sort himself out for the rest of the day. He has no friends and always says that the kids at school don't let him play their games. He also has a stammer which I have spoken about before on MN. I just feel that I have tried everything to help him and nothing seems to help. We take two steps forward and 10 back. Should I just leave him to get on with his life and hope for the best just be there to support. I really don't know what to do. Please don't beat me up as no one could make me feel worse than I already feel. I have tried the asking kids home for tea stuff. He must be such a lonely little boy.

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kittyfish · 14/02/2006 11:22

Poor you and poor ds1. Having a stammer must be a nightmare at school but don't feel too bad for shouting - everyone loses it at some point. I have no advice but posting so you know someones seen this.

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juliab · 14/02/2006 11:28

Oh Flowertop, I'm so sorry. Sounds like you've had a very stressful time Does your DS1 ever say he feels sad at having no friends? Or does it not really bother him?

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Flowertop · 14/02/2006 11:53

thanks for your comments. It doesn't seem to bother him but he is such a deep boy with his emotions that you really don't know what is going on. When I shouted at him this morning I asked him why he doesn't want other kids round the house when I ask him to invite someone and he just said that they were nasty to him and did not allow him to join in their games. Trouble is he will not go any further than that and just won't say anything else. I have tried so hard to help him with his self esteem (this morning was really a one off and last resort) and always praise him for his achievements.

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juliab · 14/02/2006 12:09

He's lucky to have a mum like you! Have his teachers noticed anything at school? Is he really as ostracised as he thinks he is? Boys (mine included!) do have such bumbling social skills, sometimes, they often say/do things that other more sensitive boys can take too much to heart...

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Celia2 · 14/02/2006 20:22

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Flowertop · 15/02/2006 15:36

thanks so much for your messages. I was beginning to think that only I had ever heard of the lidcombe program and my son is the only one with a stammer - kind of gets you like that. Celia 2 How old is your DS3? Juliab, Yes I have spoken to his teacher but I think she thinks I'm a paranoid mother. She is very much old school and very into her way of doing things. As a school they are big on the self esteem bit and do give the kids quite a lot of jobs to do to make them responsible for example DS1 is a buddy which means he has to help kids in the playground if they're alone. To be honest I believe he just ignores them as not confident to go up to anyone. We had a chat today and he just says that no one wants to play with him at school so why should he ask anyone home. I think he is easily intimidated so if another kid told him to go away he would do just that. On the Lidcombe program we too had fantastic results (I have found it hard work) but the stammer keeps reappearing. I am seeing his SALT on Friday but tbh am starting to think that it will never go away which really scares me. Celia2 How do you feel about it? Are you seeing a new SALT? It would be great to compare notes etc. so if you want to email me direct that would be great.

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juliab · 15/02/2006 15:52

that teacher thinks you're paranoid, Flowertop. If he's being ostracised because of his stammer, she needs to stamp that out double-quick. Would your DS freak if you invited someone to tea anyway? Just thought it might be interesting for you to watch how the two of them interact away from school. But probably not worth it if your DS would hate it. Do you know any of the other mums well enough to ask if they'd invite him to their house? Might be a little boost for your DS's confidence, perhaps?
Sorry, feel like I'm not being much help at all but wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you

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Celia2 · 15/02/2006 19:14

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juuule · 15/02/2006 19:57

Is this of any help?

sensitive child

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Celia2 · 15/02/2006 20:04

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Flowertop · 15/02/2006 21:34

juuule - thanks for that. Yes we too have the book but I have yet to read any more than I have. Probably as I fear it is so much like DS1 - yes I think the fear in all this is my problem and not his. I probably recognise quite a lot of myself as a younger person in him and cannot bear to think of him feeling as I have always felt (but managed ever so successfully with a lot of 'cover up'). He has the added problem of the stammer. Celia2 will definitely be in touch - thank you...