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Behaviour/development

DD very possessive of mummy - please help

7 replies

IslaAndMomma · 13/02/2006 19:57

Don't know if this is a phase but not sure how to handle it ...

DD is very jealous of me showing any affection towards dp when she is around. If we hug, she will shout "oowwwww" and come running across the room.

She has hit and scratched dp and tries to pull him away from me whilst shouting "no!"

DD is only 15 months so I'm not sure how best to handle the situation. Advice please!?

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albatros · 13/02/2006 20:46

islanadmomma I saw a similar senario to yours on house of tiny tearaways I think the child was a bit older but was resentful of her dad.
They dealt with it by making sure the child had one to one with dad doing favourite activities - painting - splashing etc. When dad tried to cuddle mum the child would react badly, mum has to move the child away and tell them that they must not behave to dad like that (not dad telling them off in this case). Once mum and dad were cuddling if the child did not react badly they were invited in for a group cuddle so did not feel excluded. After 3-4 days the child was as happy playing with dad as with her mum.

Try to encourage dad to join in as many activities and routines as possiblle bathtime, feeding etc. The most important thing is that you must show displeasure to her when she is nasty to her dad.

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IslaAndMomma · 14/02/2006 08:39

Thanks.

DD is very happy playing with daddy though, so I dont understand where this sudden behaviour has come from. she will come to either of us for a hug and he is involved with feeding and bath/bed time.

I think we'll have to just make sure we let her know that it her behaviour is wrong

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Bozza · 14/02/2006 09:08

I think this is perfectly natural behaviour at this age tbh. DS was like this to an extent, would try and push himself in between DH and me. We actually found it quite amusing, although in our case his behaviour wasn't specifically directed at DH.

Now we have DD and they fight to sit on my knee. DS is 4 and can be reasoned with but DD is 1 and does the things that you describe if she sees me cuddling DS. Albatros's advice sounds good.

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rubles · 14/02/2006 11:52

I had this with my dd around that age and now she seems much better (she is 21 months now). She would try and force us apart, or she would pick dp's hand up if it was around my shoulder and say 'no', or she would just scream.
She seems to have just got better at dealing with it, maybe she has come to understand that it is something that goes on and it isn't threatening to her. However, thinking about it now, I maybe used to laugh and wind her up more by hugging daddy more if she complained - when she was in her high chair she couldn't do anything about it other than squeal in disgust so then we would really wind her up! I think another thing we did, not consciously to stop her being possessive but just as a game, was have group kissing sessions where dd kisses mummy, then dd kisses daddy then mummy kisses daddy and so on until she stopped playing.
I don't know if any of that helped or not, but I do think it must be a normal developmental stage mustn't it?

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Dinosaur · 14/02/2006 12:06

My DS3 (18 months) is like this, he gets very upset when he sees the older DSs sitting on my knee and tries to pull them off! I'm sure he will grow out of it though and I'm sure yuor DD will as well.

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IslaAndMomma · 14/02/2006 20:40

i must admit we have wound her up on occassion too . its hard not to be amused by the behaviour - that was before she started hitting tho. and we have made it very clear that its not funny to do that.

she was much better tonight. dp came home and gave me a big hug. isla shouted and came running towards us, but wanted daddy to give her some attention (so it was me being pushed out of the circle for once - well she has had me all to herself all day!).

i do feel reassured - i was worried it was just my little darling going through this but its nice to know we're normal!!

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Bozza · 15/02/2006 11:13

Oh yes very normal - and I think as Dinasour and I have experienced it tends to be even worse with siblings.

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