worrying my head off

[toocoolforschool]

I am a little - (actually a lot, I am hardly sleeping) -worried about my dd. I am not sure if the problem is me or her , iyswim.
Backgroud - due to a major bereavement suffered quite severe pnd after dd2 born. Spent all of dd2 (now 2 yrs old) babyhood worried about her, especially about autism. Got treatment from doctor in the form of happypills and also got dd2 seen by a dev pediatrician (twice). Stopped worrying started enjoying dd2 - came off pills about two months ago - worries about dd2 resurfacing. Have decided to see my doc to discuss my state of mind but wonder if I could just run something past mumsnetters.
My dd2 is very social , doing well at nursery, points, and has good language - speaks in sentences (short ones) understands everything I say to her . Nursery are pleased with her progress, think she is very articulate social and spot on with her development. Friends and dh think she is fine too. As did the pediatrician.
But - she has always had this thing where she is not too keen on looking at me when she is sitting on my lap and I am trying to engage her. Will interact fine when she is a little distance away but not keen on eye contact when close too. Having said that she will look at me if I am singing a song (and try to join in ) or if I make a funny face .
Apart from that her eye contact seems fine - although she doesn't always look at me when she is pointing at something - though she may say - look at that or whazzat? DD1 was very different - seemed to hang on my very word and is still a very intense little girl.
Is this anything to worry about ? Has anyone come across this before? I hope I don't sound too neurotic ......... I seem to be putting dd2 under a microscope and it is so wearing for me and I am sure for her.

[polly28]

doesn't sound abnormal at all to me.

Her personal space comfort zone is probably wider than yours and dd1's.

My children don't look me in the eye when they are sitting on my lap either.Please don't worry.

She sounds completely normal

[colditz]

My son hardly ever looks me in the eye unless I am doing something particularly entertaining. I'm not worried. Your little girl sounds absolutely fine.

[Lillypond]

Hi - hope I can reassure you a little as my DS was DX'd with autism in September.

There's nothing in your post that rings any bells WRT autism, but I know how soul destroying it is to worry like you obviously are.

Her language is good and she's pointing - both really good signs and the things that my DS has big problems with. He can point now at 3.10 years but we had to teach him how to do it and he still won't point to direct my attention, only to indicate that he wants something. My DS's eye contact is quite good for an autistic child but if you examine it closely you can see that it's not quite right. He tends to stare or refuses to make eye contact completely.

The other red flags for autism are ritualistc behaviours, routines, terrible tantrums, obsessions, unusual interaction with other people and sensory issues such as sensitve hands or hearing. There are lots more but these are the things that affect my DS.

My DS was DX'd after his behaviour became so hard to live with that we were finding it a real struggle to cope with him.

It's good that you are going back to your GP as I'm sure that they will be able to reassure you about your DD. She sounds absolutely fine to me. Depression can make you view things in a warped way and it's a difficult pattern to get out of without help.

Hope you feel better after you've seen your GP.

[bobbybob]

Maybe she doesn't want to look into your eyes because you want her to so badly IYSWIM. It must be pretty intense for her, she will be able to sense that something is up.

I suggest that you video tape the two of you together. Then put away the tape for a month and watch. I bet you will see all sorts of things that you didn't see at the time.

[NannyL]

She sounds fine to me!

[homemama]

I'm a grown woman who considers herself very sociable and I hate it when someone sits right next to me to talk to me. I have no problem with someone sitting opposite me, it's the side on thing I don't like as I just feel so overcrowded.

What I'm trying to say is that it sounds like a personal space issue. I'm not an expert, but her development sounds fine to me. Neither the Paed nor the nursery have any concerns and I think that should put your mind at ease.

It sounds like your PND and your bereavement knocked you for six and now you almost expect something else bad/sad to happen. Please try and see your doctor and get some support to enable to to start enjoying your daughters.

[pashmina]

she sounds absolutely fine, my 2 dd's are completely different - one outgoing and one shy, which sometimes makes me worry. I think the problem is because of yur pnd and you should go back to your gp and ask for counselling - was this offered when you were on the happy pills. unfortunately gp's are not as forthcoming with therapy as they should be. happy pills are very good, but if taken with therapy, you would be far les likely to revert to depression after you stop taking them. it seems your anxiety is focusing on dd2. how old is dd1? goodluck with getting some help.

[baka]

No it's nothing to worry about.

(I have one severely autistic child, one NT and one too young to tell).

[coppertop]

I have 2 boys with autism and your dd sounds fine to me. At 2 ds1 was unable to point. Ds2 could only do it because he'd been taught and even now it's very patchy. It's also a good sign that your dd understands everything. My ds2 (2.9yrs) still only understands very simple sentences.

It sounds to me as though your dd2 just has a different personality to her big sister.

[toocoolforschool]

Thank you all for your advice/reassurance - I think I need to see my GP - you're right homemama I need to start enjoying my two dd's again.
Bobbybob - great idea about the videoing - will give this a try.
Am off to make a docs appointment.

[toocoolforschool]

Just one more question and this is really less about my perceived worries about dd2 but more something I would be interested to know about from any mumsnetters experienced in autism, especially in view of something coppertop said. Not sure if that sentence made any sense? but it is late...and I have been enjoying a glass of wine.... .
Do all children with autism have a problem with eye contact, even if it is only very subtle.Or is that a myth? All that googling just got me thinking really, hope people don't mind me asking.

[coppertop]

I think eye contact is one of those things that really varies. At one end of the scale are children who don't like making any eye contact at all. This may be for a number of reasons. It can make the child feel uncomfortable - sometimes to the extent of actually being painful. It may be that they just don't instinctively know to look at someone's face to get clues about whether they are happy, sad, angry etc. At the other end are children who have very intense eye contact and really stare at people.

[baka]

ds1's eye contact can be excellent (it's fab at the moment when we play row row row your boat because he loves it), or non-existent. It is especially non-existent if he suspects he is being assessed, which probably explains why all his reports say that he avoids eye contact, whilst my friends all say his eye contact is "wow".