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Behaviour/development

I really need an honest opinion,help.

73 replies

gracej · 15/11/2005 13:10

Hello everyone.
I really hope you can take some time to read my story and tell me your honest opinion, I am extremely worried about DS,he is 10months (first baby).
When he was born we noticed that for about 2 or 3 weeks he made no eye contact at all, we put it down to being too young although most books say that new borns should be really interested in human faces.
I remember at about 3 months, how all the babies in my NCT group would be kicking and moving and playing with baby gyms, DS would just lay there and look around the room, but not move a finger.
For ages we put toys around him to try and get him to move, but he would just look at them and it they were not in reach he would just stare at them.
Since he became about 71/2 months old he started to become more interested in toys and now he will play with them.
He only sits, does not bottom shuffle, but since last week he has started to move his truck more, for example if there is a toy next to him out of reach, he will move his truck and bend his legs as if going on fours (this is a huge improvement to just sitting!!) But he is so behind his peers on motor skills.
He does not clap or copy or point. And when we are with other people he appears to get a little agitated, always looking for me. He does not smile at other people when they smile at him, only DH and me. He loves staring at the washing machine. Doesn't always answer to his name, only when he feels like it.
I am so desperate, DH keeps saying that he simply is a late developer and there is nothing wrong with that, but DH does not go to all the playgroups and does not have the opportunity to see the enormous diference between DS and other babies his age. Could it be that he simply is a little slower that other babies?
Sorry this is so long, but would really appreciate your opinions. Thank you.

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Mammybadgirl · 15/11/2005 13:15

I don't think there's anything to worry about. He sounds fine! All babies do things in their own time.

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GREATauntymandy · 15/11/2005 13:17

Dont think this sounds abnormal at all.
My Ds is now 13 months and has only just started pointing and responding to his name.

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MalorySuzannahAtTrinnyTowers · 15/11/2005 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotQuiteCockney · 15/11/2005 13:18

He sounds pretty normal to me. I don't think babies are all (or even mostly) pointing at 10 months. And babies all vary in how outgoing they are.

It's always easy to see another persons baby and their amazing thing that your baby can't do - I know babies that crawled at four months, walked at seven. You never go to a playgroup and notice what other babies can't do, IYSWIM. And in the long run, it makes no difference.

Please don't worry about your son. It sounds like you're worried about autism (by the concerns you have), but he's interested in you and your DH, which sounds like a good sign. (I don't know much about autism, but I do know that diagnosing early it is tricky, anyway.)

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carly82 · 15/11/2005 13:20

gracej i have 2ds one who is three and one who is 17 months. My first ds didnt do anything at all in the first six months he wouldnt respond wasnt interested in toys unless they were held in his face, and then all he would do is look at it. He refused to sit unaided until he was about 10 months didnt crawl until he was 12 months ans started to walk when he was 14 months. I thought maybe he was just a little slower than others. I had my second son in june last year and he practically mirrored my other son down to the ages that they first sat and crawled althgough he was a little later in walking (only by a few weeks) but as for the staring at the washing machine well to be honest they still do it now i have to put a gate on my kitchen door to stop them from going near it because now they have figured out how to open the door and change the setting . I think you are right to be a little concernerd and it wouldnt hurt to get some advice off you hv did your ds have his 8 month hearing test? But my advice would be that maybe his development is just a little slower than average. Both of mine were and now are catching up nicely good luck and sorry for the long post

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QueenVictoria · 15/11/2005 13:20

I think your DH is right. If he hasnt caught up by about 18 mths to 2 years then i would think about talking to your GP/HV about it.

All kids love staring at washing machines and all kids start ignoring you at an early age (

My DP was convinced for ages our DD had a hearing problem until i proved she could hear the faint sound of the latch on the door go as he opened it adn got excited that daddy was home.

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foundintranslation · 15/11/2005 13:20

I'm no expert (my ds is just 6mo) but I think he sounds fine too. He recognises and responds to you; plays with his toys; obv recognises his name. Does he babble? I know a baby who was also not very mobile (no bottom shuffling or crawling) at that age. There is always a wide spectrum when it comes to when babies do things and it is possibly doing you no good comparing your ds with others.

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beejay · 15/11/2005 13:21

My dd would only ever smile at me and not other people. Still a bit like that now but I put it down to shyness. She is otherwise a completely normal 5 year old. If she didn't smile at you I would be more worried....

Have you talked to your health visitor about your concerns? She/he may be able to put your mind at rest?

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fletchie · 15/11/2005 13:22

Your baby sounds a lot like my first daughter. She seemed a little late to do a lot of things - didn't crawl until a year, walked at 16 months ... she is now 2.8 and is as bright as a button, although she can be really stubborn! It sounds as though he is quite laid back and taking everything in.
I used to find that some play groups and tumble tot type places were full of competitive mums who couldn't wait to impress you with their baby's exploits. In the end I stopped going and took her to activity centres and swimming etc where I wasn't putting us under scrutiny.
If you are really worried take him to your Gp or HV. But I do completely understand how frustrating and worrying it can be when your baby doesn't seem to be as far along as the others. In hind sight, everything I have ever worried about has always worked out in the end but it doesn't stop me worrying - I suppose that is the joy of parent hood!
I hope this helps x

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aloha · 15/11/2005 13:26

From what you write, I also can't see anything terribly unusual about your ds . I think not crawling or bottom shuffling at 10 months is not unsual, and he certainly sounds as if he is on his way. My dd, whom I consider amazingly athletic for my family, has just started crawling at 9months, which I thought was quite early.
Also the looking at you for reassurance and only smiling at familiar people is GOOD. Really it is, it means he is developing properly, developing a strong attachment to you.
My dd is nine months and doesn't clap or point (no need to worry about that yet). Is he smiley and interactive with you?
While I think mothers are usually good at spotting early signs of things not being quite right, it certainly doesn't sound as if there is anything very unusual about your ds and it is very early to start feeling so panicky.

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homemama · 15/11/2005 14:27

I would agree with the other posters that it seems like you have nothing to worry about just yet.
However, I would say you should corner your HV now as you seem so worried. There is no point in you spemding the next year and a bit worried sick when she could help put your mind at ease.

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Carameli · 15/11/2005 14:29

I think like others say your ds sounds fine my dd is now 2 and a bit and never crawled or bottom shuffled at all. She started to pull herself up on her play pen and then found out she could make all these adults cooing over her take her hands and walk around with her. SO no need at all to crawl etc etc.

You seem worried about the fact always wants to be near you and your dh. I think that is quite common certainly at his age. My dd went through a number of really clingy phases, still does every so often. I know it can be worrying at the time though. For a while she would not go anywhere near my SiL or my brother. But now loves them to bits.
But you and your dh are the most important people in his life so if he knows he can always come to you then I really think his confidence with other people will come with time.

DD still loves the washing machine, although sometimes my vain little daughter just uses it as another mirror

I think its easy to look at others at playgroups etc and start to worry but if you are really worried can you talk to your hv or gp.
Even if its just something niggling at you it might be worth a chat to ease your mind.

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baka · 15/11/2005 15:29

Did he start to play with baby gyms? If so by what age.

At 10 months he is transitioning- over the next few months (but give him time!) he should start to pay attention to things you are holding. He should also start to share his attention with you- so look at you as he reaches for something for example.

However this is the start of that process (along with things like pointing- which start from now). So give him time. The easiest concrete test is pointing really. By 18 months he should be poinintg out things of interest.

My ds3 is also 10 months. He is very high risk for autism (more than 100 times greater than the general public). I'm not rally sure whether he's starting to dshare attention yet- it's very hard to tell (depite hawk watching him). I wasn't sure that ds2 was OK until he was 15 months.

Anyway I have decided that if ds3 isn;t pointing by the time he is 15 months then we will start the ball rolling with referals and also I would start him on PECS. Without familiy indicators I would wait until 18 months. And at this stage I'm not expecting to have to do anything I am still assuming the pointing will start in the next few months. (10 months is early)

Oh its also normal to just bash toys around and fiddle with them until 12 months or so- representational (is that a word? pushing cars along with a brmm etc) play doesn't start until sometime in the 2nd year.

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handlemecarefully · 15/11/2005 15:34

I think what you are really worried about is whether he might be autistic? I'm sure he isn't - but then what do I know? You've had lots of reassuring posts on this thread, but you are obviously worried so perhaps you need to pop onto the Special Needs thread where the 'experts' can probably put your mind at rest?

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handlemecarefully · 15/11/2005 15:35

Ooops didn't notice baka's post below

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gracej · 15/11/2005 15:41

Thank you so much for all your posts . It is reassuring to know that all of you think there is no problem, and I did give a very honest idea of DS's behaviour. I go through days of thinking there is nothing wrong at all, but everytime I go to a mother and baby group I come worried. I don't feel that the other mums are trying to boast about their babies at all, the difference is just so obvious that I cannot help noticing. Could it be that I have been unlucky and all the baby groups I go to have babies that happen to be more advanced that DS?
One little boy in DS's baby group does not crawl either, but he is more vocal, and he is able to push himself up to sitting position in his cot.
Carly82, he did have a hearing test, the GP was satisfied that all was fine.
FoundinTranslation, thanks for reminding me, I forgot to mention the babbling. At about 8 months he started babbling a lot (the only sound was bababa), but he stopped about 3 weeks ago, he only makes whining noices, I try to encourge it everyday,but nothing.
Aloha, he does smile at me and is interactive with me (but not with other people), although sometimes he likes to stare into space, and if the washing maching is on there is nothing on earth that can grasp his attention!!!
I think I will talk to the HV, I am happy I asked for your opinion, I do feel better (until I go to the next mum and baby group!!)

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Mytwopenceworth · 15/11/2005 15:43

I think you should ask for an opinion. Not because I think there is definatly something up, but because you are concerned. I would say go to your health visitor, outline the areas that concern you and ask for her opinion. She will probably say he is very young, she may say you are being overanxious or she may say lets keep an eye / refer him and get him checked, I don't know. But it damages you more to worry but not do anything with that concern, than to get a professional pov. Probably there is no problem, but in the unlikely event that there could be something, I know (my 2 are autistic) that early intervention is best.

Just sitting looking at your child and worrying will do you no good whatsoever. If an appt with your hv, where she can go through the usual milestone ages etc, can put your mind at rest then I think that would be best.

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Mytwopenceworth · 15/11/2005 15:45

oops X posts!

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gracej · 15/11/2005 15:47

Sorry Baka and Handlemecarfully, posted by answer before seeing yours.
Baka, he did eventually start playing with baby gyms, I can't be certain but it was very late at about 6 months or more. He obviously has not started this process you mention, he does not look at me when he reaches for things, etc. Will keep an eye on that.

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gracej · 15/11/2005 15:54

Mytwopenceworth, autism is a concern to be honest. From what I have heard doctors do not like diagnosing this sort of thing until the child is 3, what sort of clinic did you get referred to? Is there a clinic,etc that could help recognise early signs? If DS does have a problem, I really would like to know soon so that we can get early intervention, 3 years seems very far off.

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Mytwopenceworth · 15/11/2005 16:19

my ds1 was assessed at about 2 1/2 and given the tag ASD, while they assessed him over time and declared him autistic. same with ds2.

went thru health visitor who refered to paed attached to child development centre, then involvement from early years team, autism advisory service and had home visiting teacher until they handed over to the school as each boy turned 5. now 1:1 in school with additional sssen from county and all the trimmings! sounds so good dunnit but it has been a fight and a half I can tell you!!!!!

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mommie · 15/11/2005 16:56

gracej - i had many of your concerns, and all i can say is that once they start doing one thing - pointing, say - you then worry that they can't crawl for example! (my dd at 13 mths doesn't) etc. you just trade one concern for another. i think your child sounds normal for his age. so much happens in the next few months; i would sit back and see what happens - as difficult as that it

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gracej · 15/11/2005 17:36

Thanks mommie. It is good to know that I am not the only one to have gone through these worries.
I will TRY not to worry, but boy will I be happy when DS starts pointing and crawling!!!
I guess there are some lucky people who are laid back and do not worry about things, I thought I was one of those people until I had DS!

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homemama · 15/11/2005 18:44

Gracej, I would also say not to worry about the physical milestones so much. I don't think they indicate that a child may be autistic. Every book I've read say babies roll, sit, crawl then walk. Well my DS crawled early at 6mths but didn't learn to sit til he was 10mths.

I hope your HV can help put your mind at rest. However, if she can't and it reaches his birthday and you're still worried, don't be embarrassed to go back. Keep pushing until you get the referral you need. (if you still feel you need it.)

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mommie · 15/11/2005 20:24

i threw all my child care books away except for one and that was only for reference regarding the chapter on first aid! everything else they tell you re development just breeds worry

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