I'm afraid of spiders but I dont want to pass on my fear to dd

[muppet73]

I dont mind the tiny ones or spindly ones but its the big black ones I have a problem with - the ones that you can see eyebrows on they are so big.

Anyway point is there was one in hallway the other night and I freaked out - dh had to deal with it and I felt squeamish for the rest of night. How can I make sure I dont pass this on to dd?

[kid]

If you see a spider, either don't mention it to her or casually say, 'Oh, look at that spider'

I am terrified of spiders, I can't sit in the same room as one. But, saying that, I have managed to hide my fear from DD (6) and DS (3). Well until recently when DS brought in a creepy crawly from the garden and stuck it right in my face. I almost fell off the chair trying to get away from it!!!

[burstingbug]

Face the fear, I don't like spiders, moths, thunder or lightening. DS is only 7mths but I'm being a big brave Mummy and facing everything that I don't like so hopefully DS won't have any of those fears.

[Lonelymum]

I should think you could only do this by conquering your fear, I'm sorry to say.

If that is impossible, could you try saying to your dd when you have freaked out "Aren't I a silly Mummy? That poor spider was probably more figthened of me than I was of it!" You know, something to let dd know that there is nothing to be afraid of and that you don't have to react as you do?

I speak from experience here as I have a paralysing phobia of vomit and I always tell my children (in the hope that they won't inherit it from me) that I am unusual in my reaction and that they have nothing to be afraid of.

[muppet73]

Yes I think I knew the answer all along - thanks - you would have thought after giving birth a stupid spider was easy to conquor.

Will have renewed bravery when confronted with next spider.

My dh says theres always the hoover to fall back on !

[Lonelymum]

Sorry hausfrau, what did you mean when you said "I'm not sure that's the case"? Did you mean you don't have to conquer your fear?

[vickitiredmum]

Im having that a bit too - nearly had a fit when DD was 18 months and was trying to pick one up but had to totally bury it!

We get round it because DP has no qualms about picking them up handling them etc so he gets her to poke fun at me about it if i have a panic at a really huge ones. He will also hold them and show her. Little ones i dont care about anymore coz there's no point. Working my way up to dealing with bigger ones. Not helped today by one suddenly dropping down from the ceiling on his thread

[muppet73]

dh also deals with all the spider emergencies - next time there is one I will get him to show dd and maybe me!!

[vickitiredmum]

It does help.

My DD is only scared of things that have hurt her in anyway now. Like big rabbits. (Or Donkey's to you and me )

[FairyMum]

DH is tewrrified of spiders and have passed it phobia on to all the children as he screams and jumps up on table if he sees one. I don't think he could help passing it on as he is just so scared. I don't mind them at all. So it's me and the cats chasing the spiders in our house.

[muppet73]

So I should not be afraid of spiders but of big donkey sized rabbits lol

[vickitiredmum]

You're laughing now

Im dreading getting shrek out!

She got nipped by a donkey on holiday and inbetween her rambling toddler chat and crying all we kept hearing was "big rabbit done it". When we got home, a donkey toy she had she kept picking up and saying "naughty big rabbit, NO biting". Bless her!

[muppet73]

Ahhh poor thing. Not good having a grumpy donkey giving kids rides

[Rhubarb]

I tried to rid myself of my spider phobia by facing it, I got dh to show them to me, I looked them up on the Net and could actually tell you a lot about them. But instead of helping me, this extra knowledge actually made me worse!

For some people, facing the problem works, but I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. Dd knows that I hate them, she isn't keen but she is nowhere near as bad as me. Even if I try to hide my fear, she'll pick up on the tension. I just tell her how silly I am, (a point on which dh readily agrees) I think it helps her to see that everyone has their weaknesses, perhaps she'll be more empathetic?

[vickitiredmum]

Thankfully it wasnt donkey rides - just a donkey in a field that thought she was offering grass - not his fault as it happens! We were at a miniature pony place in devon.

My take on it rhubarb is that a child will imitate instead of learn an opposing reaction to something at this kind of age.

[Lonelymum]

Or maybe the vomit phobia is just stronger Hausfrau? I know i couldn't hide my phobia no matter what was at stake. All I can do is try to tell my children that my reaction is not normal and that not everyone feels the way I do. I just hope that will "allow" them to not develop my phobia. So far I have to say, none of them seem to have. Interesting that (and sorry, this is a hijack) but already I can see my children don't have the same revulsion and horror that I had when I was their age. Just goes to show how early on I developed this phobia.

[muppet73]

Lonelymum - I think you are right - as long as there are other people my lo can see who dont have a problem with spiders she'll hopefully not be such a wuss as me!

[swedishmum]

My phobia is quite strange - misshapen vegetables and fruit. I've even had to opt out of the organic box scheme after a tomato incident while dh was away (so now the neighbours know I'm barking). I'd have no idea how to cope if one of mine brought me a funny shaped vegetable.

[muppet73]

Never heard of this one before. Poor you

[swedishmum]

Must admit even I can see the funny side but it is quite limiting!

[claire5]

Any tips for overwhelming fear whilst flying? Its not all the time, usually during turbulence or approaching landing - but when it strikes me, I can't stop shaking. DD will be two in December, so having her own seat will help - but during one short flight this summer she was on my lap and every time turbulence hit, she started shaking too: I felt dreadful. With hindsight, I should have asked DH to hold her...but I was ok on the way out, so didn't expect the terrors on the way home. Any ideas on hiding fears v. explaining something? Am really stuck here - do all I can to face the fear, but its still there.