having a major wobble - does anyone regret actually changing a name?

[maniacbug]

(pls bear with me, this is a bit long-winded!)...
ds2 is 3 months old today, and I am having major doubts about his name. I was so sure it was a girl that we didn't even have a proper shortlist for boys, and we were stuck in hospital for 6 days and ended up feeling a bit pressurised into making a decision. The name was never on our shortlists for the other two, it just popped into my head and neither of us could think of a reason why not. Everyone else seems to like it, but it just doesn't feel like his name and never has. I don't feel comfortable using it myself, and when I see it written down (e.g. in big red lights at the doctors' surgery) I just think 'where did that come from?!' Apart from the unspecified emotional resistance to it, I am also not keen on its popularity or meaning, both of which I would have been able to research on the internet if we hadn't been stuck in hospital! I am seriously thinking of changing it; dh says he doesn't feel that strongly about it either way but if I'm going to change it I need to hurry up and get on with it; ds1 and dd say 'but that's his name, you can't change it'; 2 good friends say if I have any doubts I should change it, as they still regret not changing theirs.... I am so undecided I am getting on my own nerves. I don't hate the name, and I suppose what's holding me back is that I'm worried about changing it and going through the rigmarole of telling family, friends, official bodies, etc.... and then regretting it and wishing I'd left well alone. I have read other threads on the subject and some seem to regret not changing their baby's name, but does anyone else regret actually changing it? Should I just accept that what's done is done + the name popped into my head for a reason? Or is this going to bug me for the rest of my/his life?! One of the names I wish we had called him is his middle name - I know we don't have to officially change the birth certificate, we could just start calling him that, but if we are going to change it I would like to do it 'properly' (dh has always been known by his middle name as have his two brothers - they all have the same first name - and he does get a bit fed up with explaining it / confusing bureaucracy, etc.).
Oh, the names, by the way, are Theodore Reginald. (I know Reginald has had a couple of slatings on here, but it was the name of both my grandads, one of whom I was very close to, and I have always loved the short form Reg)
I know it's a decision we need to make for ourselves but I really would welcome any comments/experiences from anyone who has a view on the matter! thanks

[aokay]

bit partial myself as son shares one of these names! - I love it, like it short (as he uses it now - used to insist on longer form), like it long - how could you object to 'Gift of God'?.
having said that - if you are so upset would just change - one of my duaghter's is a long name we have always used the diminutive for - now I dislike the long or proper version! - would'nt choose the name for her now but short form is very her - I think after a while the name becomes part of your association with the child but it does take a while. What would you prefer?

[mumoftoomany]

I think if you have any doubts, I'd change your ds's name sooner than later.

Personally, Theo is a little too popular for my liking, but YOU have to love the name. If you don't I'd most definately change it now when it is so much easier.

[juneybean]

What about Teddy?

[mathanxiety]

If Reginald is a family name presumably your family would accept it if you started using it for your baby; I suspect they would be raising their eyebrows if you were to introduce a new name that wasn't his current mn or wasn't previously used in the family. It wouldn't take too much explaining for your friends either. How about just switching the names around -- Reginald Theodore has a nice ring to it.

[pippylongstockings]

If it is bugging you now it will continue to bug you for a long time to come.

Name closure is a tricky one - We had DS2s name on our short list for DS1 but were not brave enough to use it. We ummm'd and arrrr'd when DS2 was born and felt pressure to choose a name so that he wasn't just littleboyboy (DS1 was this for a month when we had him.) However I wish we weren't so brave with the name choice and wist that we did call him littleboyboy for a month, as the name we have chosen does not sit well with me - he is 3 now.

Reggie is a great name love it very cool.

[maniacbug]

thanks all...
aokay I know, it IS a nice name, I also like both long and short forms, but my problem is that it just doesn't feel like the right choice + we're staunchly atheist and caused a bit of a family ruck (i.e. dh's mum cried for a week) when we refused to get married in a church, so the meaning just feels a bit hypocritical to us;
mumoftoomany mmm, yes... I know it's a bit silly - if you like a name its popularity shouldn't be an issue - but having chosen names for the other two that are nowhere near even the top 500 I feel a bit that we've inadvertently strayed into top 100 territory with this one!
juneybean love Ted/Teddy but we've tried it out and it just won't stick...
mathanxiety mmm, I think I agree with you, that will be the easiest option for family to accept. I will keep Herb(ert) and Sid safe for future pet acquisitions!

[zozzle]

Yep I can understand why you would not wish to use a name with a religious meaning if you are not religious. (I am opposite - will only chose a name with a religious meaning / link). I believe name meanings are very important.

[hattee]

I changed DS's name and haven't regretted it - but our circumstances are different as I really disliked the original name (DH's choice which I agreed to in post labour exhaustion). We kept the original name as an extra middle name. I still don't like the name but felt that this was a better option than removing it as we will need to explain the change to him one day. I am still sad that we got it wrong to start with, and that he hasn't been his new name his whole life, but am glad we changed it.

I was worried about what people would think, but needn't have been. Everyone just accepted the new name

[crumpette]

If you don't like his name you can change it by re-registering in the first 12 months and it will be on his birth certificate. You will not regret changing his name, you will wish you had done so sooner. You need to be able to call your child by name and like the name for years to come.

[Joni783]

I went through similer thing... When my daughter was born, I called her Alexa Mareid but I just didnt like it so after 3 days I decided to change her name to Makayla Alexa which I also didnt like, I wasnt brave enough to call her the name I really liked which was Aaliyah Rose, so for about 6-8 months I called her 'baby' cuz I just couldnt use her name it literally made me feel sick, I do still wish id called her Aaliyah but im use to her name Makayla, it suits her... Alst I can say is do wat u feel is right, if I could turn back time I would change my babys name.

[SpiceWeasel]

Perhaps you could start calling him 'Reg' and see how it feels? If it sticks, change it formally. I don't see there is any real urgent hurry to make the formal change since he is only 3 months.

[savoycabbage]

My dd is three and a half and I still wish I hadn't called her what she is called.

I felt pressured too into naming her and my dh started calling her by the name she has in the hospital. I have never 'got used' to it.

Whenever I have to tell people what her name is I feel a bit weird and now that my oldest is at school and it is just me and dd2 it is worse. I find myself saying 'my dh chose it' and 'my other dd is called .....'

[MissHavishamsDress]

Change it. No buts. The feelings will never go away. The baby is very young now - I know loads of people who tried out different names for the first few weeks. What's a couple of months? A very close friend of mine changed her dd's name at 7 mnths and has never looked back, said it was such a weight off her shoulders.

Everyone just got used to it.

[LittleMissWorryHead]

MissHavishamsDress - sometimes it DOES go away. I nearly changed my babies name from Jacob to Luca - if it wasn't for Dh, who unlike me was not having a hormone irrational moment, I would have and I would have regretted it.

I was always a bit funny about the name Jacob and with DS1 I loved his name and never had any doubts so couldn't get away from the sadness of not having that "This is the one" feeling this time round.....

But, after months of agonising, tears and long conversations with family and friends, I decided to stick with Jacob.

And I don't regret it. One. Little. Bit. I love it and he could never be anything but Jacob.

I think alot of it was to do with him being my last baby to be honest.....

Anyway - Good luck with whatever you decide - and congrats

[Italiangreyhound]

maniacbug I guess I would say try out your new name at home first, maybe see how it sits for a bit before making it definite.

I don?t think there is anything wrong in changing it at this point. I do know of at least two people who changed their names much later in life, so it is not so uncommon for people to do.

Do whatever you think is right. I?m assuming dh is supporting you in this.

Friends have just named their baby Theodore but they are Christians, as am I, it seems a lovely name and, personally, I would not worry that it is popular; it is not terribly popular yet.

I wonder if your dislike of the name is to do with being an atheist, as you say. Maybe you should explore the whole God thing a bit before you change the name, it sounds like there is pressure from family about religion but that is not the same as exploring things for yourself. Anyway, just a thought, maybe you had decided you don?t like the name or you have strong feelings for whatever reason.

Whatever you decide I hope this won't affect the time you have at home with your little one. Enjoy him while he is small, and do let us know what you decide to do. All the very best.

[maniacbug]

Thanks for all your comments... (+ LMWH yes, think I've got the last-baby thing going on here too!). ItalianGH yes, dh supports - sort of - he agrees that he's not really a Theodore but thinks he's more of an Arthur, which is DS1's middle name [frowning at unhelpful dh emoticon]
I've been trying out Reggie for the last week, but the other DCs keep yelling 'Nooo! He's Theo (or, more accurately, Feo)!' They are definitely making it harder to commit to the change. Not prepared to give up on it yet, though... wish me luck...

[PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow]

I think you should keep it as it is, and start calling him Reg. I know a LOT of people (my Dad included) that use their middle names and it's never been a problem for them (none of them have the same first name as their siblings though - that's a bit odd if you don't mind me saying)

hth



and congrats x

[maniacbug]

Just came back on to say thanks ItalianGH for your final comment - it's made me realise that it is starting to affect my time with him, as most of the time I'm avoiding calling him by any name at all and it's constantly on my mind. I know I need to make a decision one way or the other so we can all move on.
PATCDS don't get me started on the weirdness of dh's family - not only do all siblings have the same first name but it's their dad's name too!

[Italiangreyhound]

maniacbug Thanks for the update.

Please don?t let this drain away any of the value from these early days.

In my family we all call each other different names, I have a name for my sis, my daughter has a nickname sometimes, I call myself something for my hubby! It is quite common to have all kinds of names and you may wish to use a special name with baby that you love.

Could you have a trial day, pretend (in your head) that you have changed it, call baby by that name all day and see how you feel when you go to bed. I would ask dh to join you but I know my dh would be no good at doing that so no need to ask him!

Could you find another short version of it? Ted or Teddy? I think that is lovely. I don?t think that kids should rule the roost BUT it is so much easier to say that to other people's kids than your own! You can decide what his name is but the kids could call him whatever. Maybe you and dh will just have to make the decision yourselves and if you do change the kids will fall in line or keep using the original name like a nickname.

Remember when companies change their name - at first you think you will never accept the new name but after a while you can't remember the original name! Like when someone gets their hair cut! After a while you can't remember what it used to look like! I think the only thing to think is do you want to say goodbye to that name, keep it as a middle name or keep as is.

All the best - I know you are an atheist, but I'm not, so I will shoot up an arrow prayer for inspiration for you and dh .

Please do let us know what you decide. All the best - babies are fab, we are trying to have number two! Waves to you and baby.

[hattee]

I agree with Italiangreyhound about the trial day. We did this before changing DS's name, and as soon as we started using the new name it felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I regret agreeing to name I didn't like, and I regret not changing it earlier, but I don't regret changing it.

See how you feel with it - everyone will accept the change if that's what you decide to do, especially as it would be the middle name. I added in a new name entirely and everyone has accepted that

Good luck with whatever you decide

[allaboutme]

I think you really ahve to try the new name out before doing anything official tbh.
You say you love Teddy but it wont 'stick'? How do you know Reggie will stick?
I'd try them both for a day each, get your DH to do the same and explain to your other DCs that they need to try and join in with the trial days so you can all make the right choice. If they wont even try to join in then they cant expect you to take their opinions on board when making a final decision!
My DS is Edward and is called Teddy. I love Teddy but it did take a while to get the name to stick! Well worth persisting though and it has stuck good and proper now!!
Good luck!