My mum's reaction to name choice

(18 Posts)
getagoldtoof Sat 03-May-14 16:25:02

DH and I have decided on a name we absolutely love.

The difficulty is that we would be naming our child after my late grandfather. When I told my mother we were considering this name, she looked very sad, and said 'there'll only ever be one person with that name for me'. She and her father had a difficult, intense relationship. They were very similar, and I think my mum has a lot of unresolved feelings about her father. My grandmother is still alive and I feel she would feel similarly strange were we to 'claim' the name.

It's an extremely unusual name, otherwise we would just go for it. I am very close to my mum, but am reconsidering other names to avoid opening a can of worms.

Am I being a pushover?

HandragsNGladbags Sat 03-May-14 16:26:11

I wouldn't do it, I'd find another name.

kinkytoes Sat 03-May-14 16:27:59

Keep looking. You might find something else you love just as much, and avoid the baggage.

scarletforya Sat 03-May-14 16:28:11

Me too. You'll find something else.

Navybluetutu Sat 03-May-14 16:29:12

No not at all, I would hope my mum would take my feelings into consideration on something so important, so I definitely would consider hers in this situation. If it was a random name that she just didn't like then I would go for it, but her father's name, I would discuss with her again then dismiss the name if it wAs going to upset or unsettle her.

I think you should use the name. My nephew has the same name as my dad, who was a bastard to my mum, but the name has taken on a new meaning now and I never associate it with my dad.

QueenOfThorns Sat 03-May-14 16:29:32

Could you find something else and use your grandfather's name as the middle name? That way you could still honour his memory without making things as difficult for other family members.

PitchSlapped Sat 03-May-14 16:30:01

Id find something else especially if memories og him arent happy ones for close family

getagoldtoof Sat 03-May-14 16:36:09

Thanks for this. The rest of the family love the name so keep talking about it. With everyone saying 'it's perfect', I feel sad we'd have to start again.

But I will bring up once more with my mum sensitivity, as I could probably wee in her shoes and she would still love me, but I would never want to hurt her! Then I'll drop it.

Thanks for the advice all.

ZingWatermelon Sat 03-May-14 17:23:54

normally I'd say "your baby your choice" but your mum sounds sad because of it, so maybe best to skip it.

I'd use it as a middle name too.

I think it's lovely you are considering her feelings.
well donethanks

and good luck with pg & birth!

Selks Sat 03-May-14 17:27:23

Yes it may work as a middle name. I think I would choose something else personally. You might always feel a little bad about it if you do use it.

KitKat1985 Sat 03-May-14 17:57:52

I'm with the majority of other posters. Normally I'd say 'your name, your choice' if it was just a case that your Mum didn't like it, but as it is a name that has a lot of difficult emotions attached to it for your Mum I'd stay clear of it.

Benchmark Sat 03-May-14 23:01:56

I would definitely choose a different name.

Smartiepants79 Sat 03-May-14 23:05:39

Personally I would think a lovely thing to name a baby after a family member but it seem your mother doesn't feel that way.
Can you use it as a middle name?
If she is truly going to find it so hard to accept I'd perhaps think again.

RadioFourNotRadioSnore Sat 03-May-14 23:29:33

Middle name?

ThingsThatShine Sat 03-May-14 23:34:58

I think I would choose something else

Would not want something sad associated with my baby and your mum does sound sad about it

Tranquilitybaby Sun 04-May-14 08:10:15

I would use it as a middle name. Your mum is clearly affected by the name and you will always be aware of that. X

AMI88 Sun 04-May-14 19:57:07

It depends on circumstances and feelings towards your late grandfather I suppose...I was considering my late fathers name (Michael) because he was the first man I ever loved, and I want my children to grow up knowing about him- I changed my mind, as much as I love my dad, I don't love the name, and didn't want to mess with that! I think you need to take your moms feelings into account- but I would say no matter what you call a child, that name becomes their own! Good luck x

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