Baby name judgement/comments from MIL

(31 Posts)
dontsqueezetheteabag Wed 07-Aug-13 14:05:41

DH and I are ttc as of next month. I have names I like so does DH. My MIL has made it very clear that she has a list of names she finds unacceptable and that names like Charlie, Archie, Flo, etc do not actually exist and only uneducated fools would call their kids names that are actually short for Charles, Archibald, Florence, etc. "how could one possibly do that" was a comment she came out with recently.

This is bothering me somewhat. If we are lucky enough to have children I would quite like it if she wasn't so judgy.... any suggestions rather than just ignoring her??!!

coffeewineandchocolate Wed 07-Aug-13 14:08:36

just don't tell her until you name the baby. Your baby, your choice.... Id make that very clear from now when she 'mentions it'- in home form when you aren't pregnant but very firmly when you are.

Treaguez Wed 07-Aug-13 14:14:56

You can't 'win' this one, if she's like that now, she will have something to say when you have a baby, so I would just tune her out. Name your baby what you want to smile
My MIL emailed us with an alternative suggestion when we announced the name shock

dontsqueezetheteabag Wed 07-Aug-13 14:19:02

Treaguez..... An alternative?!?!?!? oMG!!!

I think I will just have to be strong and firm if she starts her pish!

Treaguez Wed 07-Aug-13 14:31:03

Yup. It was not a nice name, either. Completely bizarre and unacceptable thing to do! Totally in keeping.

forevergreek Wed 07-Aug-13 14:32:22

I just gave them possible ideas that were nothing like actual ones, they got themselves in such a tizz that when we revealed actual names they were pleased ( even if they don't like!)

Ie: say quinnley, Optimus and ignatius are possible, then when you actually use Albert/ James/ Fraser they are pleased smile

PoppyT Wed 07-Aug-13 14:41:03

When I was pregnant my MIL handed me a list of names that she deemed suitable for her grandchild. Me & DH had a good laugh at the names then binned the list & picked a name we loved. MIL didn't like the name of our first DC & never used the name for about 18 months, she referred to her as baby girl or darling confused then all of a sudden she started using her name - not sure what changed.

She tried the list of names again when I was pregnant with DC2 but got told straight that we would pick the name & she would find out when baby was born.

Definitely don't tell anyone your choice of names & love the idea of telling people pretend names that are a bit unusual then they'll be so relieved when they hear the actual name.

Just smile, nod & ignore, that's my mantra when people try to control me grin

Just don't tell them. We didn't with DD and MIL, whilst she likes our NN for DD, said she didn't like her actual name. DD is 2.5 now and MIL can't see her being called anything else. In fairness its not a common name, and we didn't expect everyone to like it. I think other people thinking its a nice name have helped her attitude towards it too. My MIL is lovely though and isn't the type to give us a list of acceptable names.

JodiLeighLeigh Wed 07-Aug-13 15:52:42

Don't talk names with her.

I used to love the name Pandora for a little girl (Dori for a cute nick name). I was then daft enough to tell my mum. My opinion of the name hasn't changed...I just can't think of it without hearing her voice bitching at me in my head. She had too much time to work her protests into my subconscious!

Loobylou123 Wed 07-Aug-13 16:46:54

My MIL said she hated our middle name choice last week. I simply said it was a family name and I loved it. End of conversation. Anyone and everyone loves to give baby name advice/criticism. I just smile and filter!!

MrsTedMosby Wed 07-Aug-13 20:27:50

I'm afraid they can be just as rude when baby is born. When we named DS, DH told her the shortened version and she said "What have you called him that for?" When then told the full name that would be on his birth certificate she said "That's even worse."

I ignored her, she named her kids what she wanted, I'll do the same with mine.

formicadinosaur Wed 07-Aug-13 23:17:43

Find a bloody awful name and pretend you love it for 9 months. Keep real names top secret. Avoid discussion.

exoticfruits Wed 07-Aug-13 23:25:41

Don't discuss it with her. Tell her when the baby is here. If she makes comments just smile and say, vaguely, we like it and change the subject. Never vary it- just the broken record approach. There is no need to justify or explain.

EuphemiaLennox Wed 07-Aug-13 23:26:06

Have a little sympathy with parents and names. Imagine how we will feel in 30yrs when presented with our grandchildren Derek, Malcolm, Maureen and Joan.

Biting our tongue may be hard.

Smile and ignore. Your names probably will sound hideous to them, it's the way it is.

MortifiedAdams Wed 07-Aug-13 23:27:55

What you do is think of two of th.most hated bames of hers and repeat ad nauseum that these are your favourites.

After the birth, then tell her the actual name you have picked and hopefully she will be so grin that you havent gone with the bad ones that she wont care!

exoticfruits Wed 07-Aug-13 23:29:36

I don't have any sympathy. They choose their DC's names, you choose your DC's names and your DC's will choose their children's names. If I don't like what my future, possible, grandchildren are called I just smile and pretend- I had my turn.

LazyMonkeyButler Wed 07-Aug-13 23:31:37

I agree, don't talk baby names until you are introducing her to her grandchild.

Even the hardest of people will find it much harder to argue with the name when young Archie is lying in their arms gurgling at them.

And if she does argue, remember she had the chance to name her babies. Your children are up to you.

Good luck with ttc.

NonnoMum Wed 07-Aug-13 23:36:02

What's your DH's name?

I rather like Ignatius, Iggy for short.

ShadowMeltingInTheSun Wed 07-Aug-13 23:38:29

Agree that you shouldn't tell her the baby names you're considering until after the baby is born.

I also second the suggestions about picking a couple of really terrible names that you think she'll hate, and pretending that you're seriously considering them.

I bet she'll be much happier about a grandchild called Charlie if she thinks that he's narrowly escaped being called Englebert or similar.

Daddoinghisbest Wed 07-Aug-13 23:44:55

I like the idea of choosing the name related to the day they are born. For example, if DC arrives on St Andrew's day, call it Andrew. It worked a treat for my son Pancake!

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Thu 08-Aug-13 00:00:23

This is how the only name conversation I ever had with MIL went:
MIL: Have you got any names in mind?
Boots: Yes, but we're not sharing them until we've chosen one, after baby is born.
MIL: Oh, OK. More tea?
End of conversation. Perhaps I am lucky....

kiwik Thu 08-Aug-13 00:21:13

MIL wasn't happy with our choice of name for DS3, but says she likes the abbreviation we call him.
She still has name regret over her own children, as DH is called by his middle name - his first name is a family name that nobody uses. His father has the same name too, and is also known by his middle name. I refused to continue such a ridiculous tradition, and named my DSs names that I like.

FixItUpChappie Thu 08-Aug-13 00:24:03

She will probably have opinions on lots of things. Just smile, nod and ignore.

It will be your kid - don't worry about it.

TheSecondComing Thu 08-Aug-13 00:33:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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