Would you let your husband name your firstborn son...

(36 Posts)
MelinaM Sat 16-Mar-13 01:41:32

I have a major dilema, my husband wants to name our firstborn son after his best friend that sadly died a few years ago. I completely understand the wanting to honour a friend in that way but I absolutely hate the name with a passion! He will not compromise!!!
Has anyone else experience of this?

Sokmonsta Sun 17-Mar-13 11:14:35

I can understand the giving honour to his friend, especially if they were very close. But it is a reasonable compromise to ask that it's used as a second name and you choose a name together which you both like.

Dh was adamant he wanted a son with a specific name from his favourite book. I simply could not do that to a child. So ds1 has it as his middle name. Dh was happy. I was happy and ds1 won't have to constantly spell/explain his name to people.

Is there an alternative version of the same name which would be acceptable? You two would know the significance but others won't constantly be comparing.

mathanxiety Sun 17-Mar-13 02:40:50

I agree, don't discuss. When it comes up tell him to talk to the hand cos the rest of you ain't listening. I also agree the dead friend's family might be a bit hmm about this.

I agree with Coppertop he may be wallowing in grief or there may be some other element of losing this friend at play here. Maybe suggest he talk to someone professional about his loss if it is still affecting him at this point? It's a bit unhealthy to saddle the baby with the baggage associated with a loss like this.

Shr0edinger Sat 16-Mar-13 22:58:32

The baby will have his sur name too i guess!!!!

Shr0edinger Sat 16-Mar-13 22:57:02

He has to compromise. he cant just railroad over you to honour some body else. i wouldnt even discuss it . say "it wont be that" and refuse to discuss. endless discussions only feed his beluef that he has the right to TALK u in to rolling.

coppertop Sat 16-Mar-13 22:52:43

If he's so keen to honour his friend's name then perhaps he should add it to his own name instead.

Is he by any chance the sort of person who will have to drop the reason for the name into every conversation in a "Woe is me. Look what a wonderful friend I am" way?

AThingInYourLife Sat 16-Mar-13 22:38:30

No way. He has no choice but to compromise.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

lockets Sat 16-Mar-13 22:32:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loupee Sat 16-Mar-13 22:30:36

My DH chose my DS name, after giving birth I hated the names on our short list, DH chose a name we had previously ruled out and I went with it. I wouldn't say I love the name, but can't imagine him being called anything else.
But I know if I had rejected it, that would have been the end of it.
The name of your baby must be a name you both like.

goldenlula Sat 16-Mar-13 22:28:42

No I wouldn't, all our names have been decided together. Dh tried the 'I choose the boys names, you choose the girls names' approach when I was pregnant with ds1, I said no way, we both decide on the names together. I had worked with a lady who had that approach and had 3 ds' so never got to choose a first name.
I can understand that your dh wants to use this name and the reasons behind, but I definitely think that the compromise of choosing a first name and using it as a middle name is the best idea.

squoosh Sat 16-Mar-13 22:28:29

What dickish behaviour!

Tell him he doesn't have the right to enforce a name you hate on your child. I would be livid at such antics.

Heifer Sat 16-Mar-13 22:22:56

certainly not!

It took 2 to make the baby, it should take 2 to name the baby..

Tell him to jog on

Assajjventress Sat 16-Mar-13 22:07:07

Pray tell

thistlelicker Sat 16-Mar-13 21:42:11

What's the name and why don't u like t? Just out of curiosity

AmandaPayneNeedsaHoliday Sat 16-Mar-13 21:40:26

It is not up to him to say he won't do it and he won't compromise.

Does he expect to have final say on everything about your child once he's born? Because parenting is about compromise and discussion.

goingwildforcrayons Sat 16-Mar-13 21:39:44

No way. Your child's name should be one that reminds you of positive, happy things. You and eventually DH and child (who will sense it or one day ask about the name) will grow to dislike the name as it doesn't have positive connotations, sorry.

Coconutty Sat 16-Mar-13 21:38:19

Nope, wouldn't do it.

ZZZenAgain Sat 16-Mar-13 21:36:37

If you feel so strongly about the name, I don't think you can use it. Do you want to tell us what the proposed name is?

LynetteScavo Sat 16-Mar-13 21:32:13

I did, luckily it's not that awful, though, and has grown on me.

If it was an awful name, I would have said NO.

Choccybaby Sat 16-Mar-13 21:23:44

Don't do it!
My mum's first name was chosen by one parent and hated by the other. Subsequently hated by her (kids will always sense these things), never used and always known by her MN.

FriggFRIGG Sat 16-Mar-13 14:41:57

He has to compromise!
He can't simply decide on the child's name without any input from you.
Ridiculous behaviour.

squiddle Sat 16-Mar-13 10:09:28

No!!! And my dh would never, ever, ever have suggested it. We both had right of veto on all names, and both came up with suggestions.

toobreathless Sat 16-Mar-13 10:07:23

Use it as a MN.

Or can you research it in different languages? Am I making any sense? Like Sian is the welsh form of Jane but they sound totally different.

Other ideas use your husbands friends MN as a first or MN? Or even give the surname as a second MN. It's quite common to have a second family surname with special meaning as a second MN.

TallulahBetty Sat 16-Mar-13 10:03:28

No. If i didn't like the name, no amount of sentiment would change my mind. Middle name or not at all!

exoticfruits Sat 16-Mar-13 06:43:11

Girlsyearapart has a good way of putting it. Say that in the family's position you would find the second name a nice touch, but the first name too painful.

Looking at it another way - would the dead friends family even be comfortable with you using the name?
Middle name much more appropriate IMO

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