Undecided on abortion? Please help

[monson]

Hi I have never posted a thread but really need some helpful opinions on my undecided decision.
I have 2 sons age 10&8 years and I am pregnant with a child.
My older sons have a good relationship with their dad.
The father of the 3rd child is now my ex. From a 2 year relationship. He has been very abusive to me for a year of that relationship, name calling, putting me down, playing mind games, blaming me for his actions etc the list goes on. To the point I couldn't take anymore and finished the relationship. At this time I was struggling to walk away and was proscribed anti depressants, they made me sick, pill failed, I'm now sat here 11+6 weeks pregnant.
I know in my head the right thing to do for myself and my sons is to have an abortion and get away from this man and back to my happy independent life that I had before, but something is just making me so unsure.
I had surgical procedure booked last week, I got so worked up I didn't go, I have re booked and soonest is next week but everyday I'm so torn.
Both myself and my ex have known I am pregnant for 6 weeks and the whole 6 weeks he has still been a selfish drinking unsupportive specimen of a man. He has no children and is desperate for me to keep the child.
I however feel if I keep this child I will be a single parent to 3, I will struggle, and have a life of his mental abuse and missary.
Please help with opinions. I don't need any insults please I'm finding things hard enough as it is.

[Pointeshoes]

I hope someone comes and gives better advice than I can. But I just wanted to say that if you want to keep the baby I am sure there would be help out there to support you and to make sure you and your children are safe, if that's what you wanted. Have you been offered any help or some one to talk things through with?

[Viviennemary]

If you want to keep the baby then you should. I agree with talking it through with a counsellor or close friend. Nobody can really tell you what choice to make only you.

[Patilla]

Do you risk swapping the annoyance of dealing with your ex for ongoing regret over aborting a baby that it sounds like you might possibly want to keep?

[JaneParker]

Are there not two other options? 1 have the baby and have it adopted and prhaps better (2 ) have the baby and bring it up alone. I manage to work full time and have children (although it's not easy) and support us all. You don't have to stay with this man just because you are having his child. You never need to see him again - you can even arrange contact when the baby is bigger with someone else doing the hand over.

[specialsubject]

take him out of the equation as he will be no use to you or this child. He won't support it or you, you can be sure of that. You can get him kept away from you if that is a concern.

with the assumption that he does not exist, what do YOU want to do and what are the practicalities?

no abuse, no judgement. I wish you luck in deciding what is best for you and your sons.

[LEMmingaround]

If you vould have gone ahead with the abortion then fine but you couldn't so please keep the baby for your own sanity xx

[TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals]

From an outsider, black and white perspective I would;

Keep the baby
Ditch the ex

Having an abortion is obviously, a hard decision and IMO it has it's place. I think that once this man is out of your life, you will be infinitely happier. He sounds as though he would be out of the picture.

What are you main worries about being a single parent? You are already looking to be a single parent to 2 and you know that you will cope with that. What will change if you have another? Is it financial concerns? Or just general support (I don't underestimate the value of that, I only have 1 and struggled big time when he was small!)

I would understand your decision either way. I just don't know if you may end up regretting a termination.

[monson]

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I have spoken to a couple of close friends and my sister, my friends are adiment I should have the abortion and feel I would be ruining my life in regards to moving forward alone if I kept the baby. My sister simply says it's my decision.
I don't really like to speak to anyone because everybody has such bad opinions of my ex and the way he has treated me, rightly so. The general outcome of anyone I speak to is go ahead with abortion and asap.
Adoption is not something I could do myself unfortunately. I never thought I would ever consider abortion if something happened I would just get on with it, but now I'm very torn.
I am a single parent now and have been for 6 years and both financially and emotionally it has been a struggle.
I know how hard it is raising little ones and I'm not sure I want to do that on my own again.
At the moment my children go to school full time, I re trained at college and now work self employeed as a hairdresser. Things are finally ok.
I have very little help with my 2 sons, they see dad 1 day every 2 weeks, the rest is all my responsibility.
I don't know why I didn't have the abortion last week, I just got extremely upset and kept thinking it's still my child in my body, maybe it's just because I'm a mum and maternal instinct made me panic?
In my head I feel I need to break free once and for all and get my life back and continue raising my sons, but there's lots of doubt and I can't shake the thoughts.
I know he will be no good to anyone, so if I go ahead with pregnancy I become a mum to 3 alone, if I don't I carry on with my sons and work hard for their future. I'm just really confused. Thank you all for replies. It helps to hear unbiased opinions. X

[GrouchyKiwi]

If you feel doubt about it then it might be best not to go ahead with it. People are often stronger than they think they are.

If you do go ahead, however, it might be a good idea to arrange some counselling to deal with any regret you might feel because it can take a real toll.

Can you ask your GP to talk to an abortion counsellor now, if you haven't seen one already? They might be able to help you clarify your thoughts.

All the best.

[LBNM19]

Hi, sounds like a hard situation :(

I had to have an abortion 2 years ago, basically my son was only 6 months old but it come to light that he has some problems, and they thought they were genetic.

I got to 10 weeks pregnant booked abortion got there and said I can't do it. Went home and then 2 days later I decided to go ahead with it. I have to be honest it was horrible and I still think of it often.

I now no it was the right desion as 2 months later my son ended up in intensive care and was later diagnoised with a life limiting genetic condition.

There was a 1 in 4 chance of the baby being affected and I often think what if?

Follow your heart xx

[rinabean]

A lot of abusive men do use a child as a means to get at the mother, making you see him at contacts, dragging you in court again and again, worst case scenario taking the child to a country where men own children. If I were you I would have the termination, not necessarily because of ending up with 3 kids alone (though that's definitely something) but because he would have a legal hold over you and that child forever, and it would affect your sons until they were adults too.

It sounds very difficult and I wish you the best whatever you choose.

[monson]

Thank you all. I have just had a call for a cancelation appointment for abortion this thurs instead of next week. Between all this confusion, I have my sons to look after, constant sickness and abusive texts/emails.
I have already heard all the rubbish about how I don't deserve children n if I keep the child he will go to court to have shared rights etc, yet this man can't understand why I don't want an attachment to him for the next 20years!
I do feel that it is definitely the right thing to do, by myself and my children, he's is totally selfish, nasty and not responsible in anyway for a child.
I am as I've had to be, I've done it once and it's certainly not what I want to do alone again, with a head case looming over my life.
I guess I just doubt the what ifs and tbh I feel scared of the procedure and whole process emotionally. In the same way I also feel that having the abortion, getting through my emotions and getting my head around the past year, 6 months from now, away from him I don't think I would have any regret. It's just a niggle and nerves I suppose.
I just need to get on with it and be brave I think! (Easier said than done) thank you all for talking to me here x

[JaneParker]

Good luck.

[Missqueenbee39]

I completley understand as i have had to go through this myself and there isnt an easy answer at all its very hard .
I think the key is lots of support and do whats right for you and your kids stay strong and be kind to yourself xx

[BigGrannyPants]

OP best of luck, keep yourself safe. Your x is bound to react badly when he knows what's happened so don't be around him. Change your number. So sorry you're in this situation. Do the right thing for you