Feeling very down after first antenatal booking appointment

[Rachelcarpe]

Hi, I went for my booking appointment today. (This is my first pregnancy) and left feeling extremely down and not really knowing why. Nothing bad happened aside from the fact that I felt like the midwife wasn't listening to me when she was trying working out my due date and as a result I think she estimated a month later than I thought. However I haven't stopped crying since I left the surgery and just wondered if anyone else has had the same experience as I can really work out why I am so upset.

Thankyou x

[Ourma]

Did you have a scan? Maybe you expected more? I was shocked at how quick and inpersonal appointments were. Midwifes are seeing pregnant women all day every day but today was a big deal for you, yet you didn't feel it because it wasn't for the midwife. I hear you on the dates thing, i knew when i conceived but wasnt really listened to either. If your dates are a month off they should be able to tell at the 20 week scan. Pregnancy can do that to you, down one minute, happy the next so try not to worry. Congratulations. Hope you enjoy your pregnancy.

[Rachelcarpe]

Hiya, Thankyou for your reply :) no I didn't have a scan, It was just an initial appointment. My scan not for another 5 weeks so perhaps I was expecting more than what seemed to be a very quick appointment. I think you're right, I just feel very stupid for crying on what should have been a very happy day. But I feel abit better now, so Thankyou :) x

[MagpieMama]

The appointment can feel a bit anticlimactic can't it? It feels like such a long wait between positive test and booking in, especially if you were TTC for any length of time. So much waiting and then it's over after a few questions. For me it didn't start to seem real until the 12 week scan.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Rachelcarpe]

Thankyou again :) I think you have both helped me understand what's happened today. I think I have a tendancy to get over excited about things and have high expectations about things, so today was a big anticlimax and it thought the midwife was quite impersonal which upset me too, but of course they see tons of people every day.
I was also frustrated that I have to wait another 5 weeks for a scan when I am quite sure that I was around 10 weeks and the midwife worked my date out from the date of my missed period not my last period despite me telling her that.
I didn't realise there was so much waiting! Especially since we don't want to tell people (aside from parents) our news until after the scan. Im finding it quite frustrating and I'm not sure how long I can keep making things up about being Ill or fasting or being on antibiotics as reasons for not drinking before I break! X

[MagpieMama]

That's one of the big challenges of the first trimester. Not telling people and waiting for that scan, it seems to take forever (thought not as much as those last few weeks can drag ).
I know it's hard but try to look for and enjoy the best bits of each stage of pregnancy. I spent my first trimester getting apps and books about pregnancy and enjoyed reading about my baby's development each day. Hopefully you'll find something that works for you, it can be a frustrating time but if you can find some joy in it, it'll pass much faster

[cookielove]

rachel do you plan to have the nuchal test?

[Rachelcarpe]

Yeah, I have been enjoying the first trimester until today's hiccup so hopefully I can go back to reading about baby's development and thinking about names!

Cookie love, is the nuchal test the test i was offered today to check for any genetic abnormalities? If so I had a conversation with the midwife and myself and my partner felt very unsure about it as we would like to think that we would keep the baby whatever. I was really uncomfortable and nervous about having it, but would you advise it? X

[redcaryellowcar]

I had a similar experience in my first pg, felt like i was an irritation, whereas i felt as a midwife all they had to do was look after pg or very recently pg ladies! I ended up booking directly with the hospital, and saw midwives there, it didn't really help as i never saw the same one.
In pg 2, i saw same midwife at almost all appointments; a much better first experience where she smiled and offered congratulations too!
A friend of mine said you have to bear in mind that people being pg has no novelty for them and cracking open the champagne and getting the balloons out is not their job.
If you aren't having better response you could speak to supervisor of midwives at your hospital where your community midwives will be based or overseen?

[cookielove]

Rachel I would only advise it, if you wanted to know! I only ask as if you do then you need to have a scan before 14 weeks, if you think you are already 10 weeks, then a scan in 5 weeks time means you will miss the deadline.

However if you are not fussed then 15 weeks, works fine as a dating scan!!

Congratulations :)

[ChineseFireball]

Agree with cookie and madrigals () about your dates and the nuchal translucency. It's not the end of the world if you're too late for the NT at your scan because you can have a quad blood test (where they look for 4 markers) later but definitely worth checking. Can you give the scan people a ring?

I was hugely underwhelmed by my first booking appointment (hah autocorrect thought I meant bong rather than booking ) and DH was actively pissed off because the MW pretty much ignored him throughout.

The are antenatal threads in 'becoming a parent' - 'antenatal clubs' for each month if you fancy popping over for chat with ladies who are at a similar stage to you

[purpleroses]

Are you aware that midwives etc count the number of weeks you are from 2 weeks before you acutely conceived. Eg if you conceived 4 weeks ago that will mean they say you are 6 weeks pregnant. That could explain half the difference between your dates and the midwives. They will date you more accurately at your first scan.

But I remember feeling similarly dismissed rather quickly from booking appointments. There's not really do much that needs "doing" in a medical sense at that stage that they prey much tell you to take folic acid and go away.

[Monstamio]

I can't understand how the midwife could make such a mistake... it's such a basic calculation and one they make every day. Did you perhaps at some point mention the date you got your bfp and she somehow got the wrong end of the stick? Either way I'd say it needs sorting. There's a due date calculator in the pregnancy section of mumsnet where you can check what your dd should be and then you can call the midwife armed with this info to challenge the date she's given. Or just post the first day of your lmp here and we'll help you work it out. Your dates will almost certainly change a bit when you are scanned but you don't want things to be a month out at this stage.

And I agree with Chinese; come and join us on the jan antenatal thread. We're a friendly bunch

[Ourma]

Hope your feeling better today. Just a tip on hiding it until you have your scan, pretend you are drinking next time. I found that easier than trying to make up excuses. People really aren't watching you the way you think they are. Just keep a bottle/glass nearby, get DP to get your "drinks" etc. I had a hen party very early in pg and could not under any circumstances be found out, so I pretended all weekend and not one person noticed I wasn't drinking or drunk! Xx

[Rachelcarpe]

Thankyou to everyone for your advice and support. I was feeling better today until I had some light bleeding which sent me into a new panic. However I have an appointment at the hospital in the morning to check everything and it has stopped now. So I guess my worries about dates might be resolved tomorrow. I will head over to the jan antinatel thread, and Thankyou so much again. All your advice has been invaluable and very comforting. I'm terrified but you have been fantastic :) x