Coping with abortion

(22 Posts)
Cakeisyummy Wed 15-May-13 09:26:41

I really am just here for support and advice... Please don't judge me as its not an easy decision for me....

I have a 4yo already and am 22 my partner and I found out we were pregnant in march and he wanted an abortion at first but we decided to continue this pregnancy, since then our relationship has completely broken down. He left me high and dry on Monday and I am not coping, I feel like I was living in a fairy tale before Monday not truly thinking of all the consequences of this decision... Since learning he doesn't want to be with me or want the baby has broken my heart I have now hit reality....

Bringing another child in to the world on my own would be unmanageable... I was left early in my sons life, I struggled to say the least, since he has become older i have gained back my life, to a manageable point, I lost all of my uounger years but I done it, being left with a baby, and him i would not cope. I feel like I would neglect my first born, and not be the best parent for a new child, I have suffered depression and I feel I am back there, I don't work, and I could not provide a stable life on my own for this baby, I have a tone of debt already I would struggle to buy everything a baby needs and would unintentionally have to put my first sons needs on hold which I feel would only effect him negatively, in my eyes he wouldn't have the best start in life. I feel so alone and so vulnerable, to a point of not being able to continue. My now, ex does not want to be with me, he has left me and I can't deal with it, I thought we were forever and he promised he would never put me through what my first child's dad done... He promised, when I told him everything. I can't deal with this reality and as much as I would love to be a great mother I just think my mental health would seriously deteriorate and my sons life will be ruined.... The worst of it is I'm 15weeks, I'm a disgusting person for even thinking about this, I am in a dark tunnel and can't see any light.

Has anyone had a similar situation, or be able to give me advise? I have not yet spoken with a professional, but I do plan to.... sadsadsadsadsadsadsad

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 15-May-13 10:08:49

[hugs} Nobody here will judge you Cake....it's a very hard position that you find yourself in and you sound like you are very mature and thinking as clearly as possible given the awful circumstances that you are in.

Have you seen a GP yet? Or contacted any advisory services...you could get some counseling to help you in your choice.

It's very natural to feel you can't cope with another child at the moment but understandably a hard choice to make...you're also I expect very emotional at having been left so cruelly by your ex. sad

Here is a link to the Marie Stopes website here it is an advisory service for abortion and I think they will help you from here no matter what your final choice is.

Nobody matters at the moment as much as you do...you're not alone there will be more people to come and hold your hand here shortly. Come back and tell us how you are. brew

flanbase Wed 15-May-13 10:17:19

It's a huge choice to make and how you would feel afterwards. You need professional advice and support and to know what support would be available if you continue with your pregnancy. If your ex had stayed would you have wanted to have had the child? Don't let his selfish attitude affect you like this.

DewDr0p Wed 15-May-13 10:23:38

Hugs cake. Definitely no judgement here. You must be reeling with shock at the moment and it's only natural to feel scared.

I think you need to talk this through with someone neutral (ideally professional) as soon as you can. Have you been able to contact your GP or midwife yet?

Hand holding and do talk to us in the meantime if it will help.

Cakeisyummy Wed 15-May-13 10:41:38

I have not spoken with any professional yet, only my parent and sister who are also feeling very emotional for me, they hate seeing this happen to me, again, they i don't think can give me the advice I need, because they are also emotionally involved, I do need to speak to someone I know this, my ex has refused to speak to me since leaving on Monday, he is staying with his parents and all his things are here... It's so hard, he text late last night to say he will call at some point tomorrow he just needs time, so I think once I have spoken to him and told him then I will call my midwife.

I don't think I could cope alone, I know that sounds horrible but I can't... If he was to be with me and support me emotionally and financially I think things wouldn't be this sever...

I feel completely unstable just now, and I can not function properly. No matter what I do I'm thinking about it.... And it's only going to get harder... I need correct help and support, I know this, but I also know nhs have huge waiting lists and I don't think I could hold on that long...

Abortion is/was last option and I will feel forever more guilty but how fair am I not do this, and have a life of unhappiness not only for me but for two kids. Some women can cope and deal with it but I really couldn't...

I have issues not only just now but from the past, that are clearly underlying its just now it's got on top of me....

Thank you for all your support somehow writing It all down cuts the edge off of this nightmare I am now living....

5madthings Wed 15-May-13 10:46:47

No judgement here, make the decision thats right for you xxx

Def speak to midwife or your gp and they can refer you to counsellor etc.

Here to hold you hand xxx

flanbase Wed 15-May-13 10:53:24

He dare he walk away from his responsibilities and put you in this situation. There is help for you and support and would say to call the samaritans as they would know who you could speak with to know what help you could have and also give you a sounding board with no judgement. http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/different-ways-you-can-get-touch/most-people-phone-us

worried90 Thu 16-May-13 04:18:11

No judgement here just a hand to hold. I had a medical abortion less than 48hrs ago and I went via the Marie Stopes website. The phone consultation was good, and the nurse I actually saw at the local clinic was lovely and explained everything really well

Cakeisyummy Thu 16-May-13 08:59:13

Worried how far where you when you had it?

I'm still in a difficult position... My mind is not made up, but I do know it has to be asapblushsad

DewDr0p Thu 16-May-13 09:39:48

How are you feeling today OP?

Cakeisyummy Thu 16-May-13 10:57:19

Still pretty the same to be honest... I've stopped crying so much, think I'm all teared out... But ex partner is coming down today to discuss and possibly collect his things? Makes is so much harder that its dragged on since Sunday night/Monday... Just wish I had a crystal ball...

Still haven't spoken to midwife, I'm finding it difficult to spill all my problems to a lady I've met once... Will see how today goes, my next appt with her is Tuesday anyway so if I don't bare all now I reckon I will then...sad

X

worried90 Thu 16-May-13 14:35:01

I was 7 weeks

worried90 Thu 16-May-13 14:35:05

I was 7 weeks

Cakeisyummy Thu 16-May-13 15:50:56

Hope your ok thanks

worried90 Thu 16-May-13 15:57:50

It was hard but I think mainly because I went for medical and not surgical. Emotionally I'm sad and angry but in my head I guess I know I couldn't have coped both financially and as a lone parent. Also harder as it was my first pregnancy

Cakeisyummy Thu 16-May-13 17:42:44

It's a very difficult position, and I have been that single parent struggling financially when my child was younger and it's just so difficult I totally see your point, that's why I wouldn't do it again... It has to be right for everyone... Your time will come, and then it will be right. Hope you keep well and don't be so hard on yourself...

envy

belfastbigmillie Thu 16-May-13 17:51:57

If you're going to have a termination, you need to get things moving very quickly. I might have been unlucky, but I have had 2 and both times they took several weeks to get organised. All the best xxx

belfastbigmillie Thu 16-May-13 17:52:43

You need to see your GP or ring Marie Stopes asap.

megsmouse Thu 16-May-13 20:53:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings Thu 16-May-13 21:15:35

She is 15wks (in op) so really needs to see someone asap, please go see your gp op and they can refer you on.

BabyHMummy Fri 31-May-13 20:16:02

Unless there are medical reasons for it you may find you are too far along to terminate, sorry. Please ring gp and or mw or antenatal clinic asap.

lilmamma Wed 30-Oct-13 04:29:02

my friends daughter was 16 weeks when she had hers. She was put to sleep to have it done, she took a while to finally decide, that's why she was so late, I don't know anything else about the procedure, but she is fine now and has her life back on track, she doesn't have any other children.

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