I think I have made the decision I never thought I would.

[stupefy]

I am 7 weeks pregnant and have an appointment on monday at an abortion clinic.

I know it's the right, sensible thing to do but it feels awful. I would love another baby but I have 2 children already both born prematurely, I can't go though it again, I can't take the months of stress, the surgeries, the NICU,the PTSD and I can't put my family though it again.

I never thought I would be able to have an abortion, yet here I am.

:(

[LittleSquirt]

Big hugs. It is a hard decision to make but if you feel it is the right one for you, then it is. Be kind to yourself & take care x

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

Oh lovey. I'm so sorry. Are they offering you counselling on Monday?

It's a very difficult time. Do you have rl support? I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but feeling sadness about the whole thing is normal and not necessarily a sign that you're doing the wrong thing. Of course you must be sure it's the right decision but sometimes the sadness comes from being in the position in the first place, regret about what you have to do, not from guilt that it's the wrong choice.

Is there anything you'd like to ask? About the procedure or anything at all? No question too silly. I've been there. Feel free to ask on here or PM if you need to. I never thought I'd do it either. And oddly, having had a child, I am more aware of my limitations. Pre-children I'd never have thought it possible but knowing what it takes physically and mentally to wade through birth, PTSD, PND etc, I know that my priorities and abilities centre around the family I have.

[stupefy]

Thank you both of your messages :)

I don't know what will happen on Monday, they wont do the procedure then will they ? they have just told me that I need to take a urine sample.

It is the right decision but it feels awful. I feel numb and i'm worried that i'll wake up to how i feel after it's done and it'll be too late.

I think I will have to have surgery as i've had lots of cervical issues in the past and incomplete miscarriages, I don't want to have to go though both iykwim. Presumably it's like an ERPC ?

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

They won't do it on Monday, no. They'll chat to you, do some swabs (for things like MRSA being as you'll be going into surgery potentially), possibly a scan to check how far you are along/location of pregnancy etc if you haven't had one already and they'll ring and book you in for the actual procedure. That was my experience anyway. I saw a GP, referred for an appointment where all the above happened and then the procedure done a short time later.

They do give you some degree of choice over medical vs surgical but with your history it's possible that they'll recommend surgical anyway. It's just like an ERPC really. Most places do it under a general (though I think at a private clinic like BPAS or Stopes you can have a local) and it's a 20 minute procedure, very similar to the ERPC in terms of what they'll do and with a similar recovery/level of bleeding.

[stupefy]

How long did it take from the first appointment till it was done ?

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

Not long. As soon as they'd established I was past a certain point (they need you to be a certain gestation for the surgical procedure to be reliable), I was booked in for the next available appointment. As far as I remember, they wanted to make sure I was over 7 weeks and the op was at 8 weeks bang on. So scanned at 7+4 ish and the top at 8 weeks. I wanted it done asap but have to say those few days were extremely helpful. I did my grieving before having to deal with the physical recovery. On the day I felt calm and certain which helped enormously.

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

I've got to nip out now but if there is anything at all you want to ask, please do so and I'll respond later.

[stupefy]

Thankyou, thats really helpful. Did they give you a sicknote for work or were you just expected to crack on as normal ?

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

Still here. I wasn't working at the time (SAHM) but was offered a 2 week sick note as I was post-operative. Obviously I didn't need it.

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

Sorry, just another quick one. I was given preventative post-op antibiotics. Make sure you ask for them as they are shown to be extremely good at preventing infection (infection rate high with gynae ops) and aiding recovery periods. Our unit gives them as standard but it's worth asking in case it's different where you are.

[stupefy]

I will do, I'm quite bolshy when it comes to getting what I want medicially.. comes from being fobbed off by shit drs in the past then spending years dealing with the consequences.

Thanks for talking to me and not being judgey :)

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

Oh there's nothing to judge. You're not in a place you'd ever have chosen and better women than you and me have been there and will be there again.

Good on you for being bolshy. I'd request some kind of Greek Adonis doctor in a white coat and bare chest if you're up to it. And chocolate. You don't ask, you don't get...

Seriously, it's a bloody awful, miserable thing to have to do and if you can make the procedure and recovery as smooth as possible, it really helps.

[mumblymonkey]

hi stupefy,

thanks for posting this thread - I had a surgical termination today, at 12 weeks. I found out I was pg around one week before you did (although I did suspect maybe 2 weeks before that) but had no idea I was as far along as I was (I thought I was 7 weeks, when I was 10 apparently). My GP was brilliant, as were the clinic nurses and doctors who referred me to the NHS hospital at very short notice for my termination (in this area they don't perform surgical terminations after 12 weeks).

Today I had a GA for the first time, it went fine, as other members here have said previously I was out for around 15 minutes, and just felt like I'd been woken from a lovely deep sleep when I was brought round. I had 2 tiny suppositories to take before the surgery, to soften the neck of the womb, and got pre-op soluble painkillers and anti-sickness medication, followed by antibiotics once the surgery was over.

I had a little cry to myself once I was out of surgery and having my cup of tea and sandwich (partly because I don't like hospitals and always feel a bit sorry for myself there, and also because although I know termination was absolutely the right thing for me and my family, its a sad thing to have to do). I feel like I'm having a heavy period now, bit crampy, but not in pain.

I hope you are doing okay, and I'd like to say a huge thank you to all the members here who have posted their experiences, it really has helped me today.