Hi
I wanted some advice as I don't feel I can talk to anyone in rl. I don't know if what I am feeling is just normal first time mum blues/struggles or whether I may have mild pnd.
I have a 12 wk old ds who I adore but I just feel like I'm constantly struggling. I get angry at my dh a lot of the time and end up yelling or crying every few days. I just feel constantly tired due to lack of sleep and I resenting my dh for not helping more. I am up bf between 2-4 times a night with no break/day time nap to catch up and I just feel like I can't keep going like this. I am so worried that our marriage isn't going to survive as we just aren't a team. I spend my days running after baby and then trying to do some housework. My other half hardly does anything house wise, he will occasionally Hoover or make dinner but its me who cleans the bathrooms, dusts, mops floors etc and I just can't do it all with a small baby. Cue me resenting my husband and him feeling I nag when I yell at him. I know I could leave the housework but the mess fuels my anxiety.
I feel anxious quite a lot and constantly doubt my decisions with regard to my ds care. I have found bf incredibly stressful so have decided to switch to formula to help lift some of my anxiety. I just want to stop feeling trapped and to enjoy my life, I enjoy looking after my son but its hard work and I just think my dh doesn't get it. I feel like my son comes first, then my husband and then I just don't have time to help myself as I'm always worried about the other two. I've nearly lost all my baby weight but my self esteem is on the floor as I'm covered in stretch marks and my body has changed shape beyond recognition. I know it will take time to get back to pre baby shape and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter but its just another thing which is making me feel crap.
Anyway sorry for the long post, just needed to vent. Does this all sound normal and how can I make things get better?
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Are my feelings normal or could it be pnd?
xxx28xxx · 30/07/2014 13:31
It is so, SO, hard. I reckon I could have written most of your post word for word when DD was the same age.
I think feeling overwhelmed, trapped and irritated by your partner are all normal emotions and the worst will pass even if it doesn't feel like it right now. One of the most helpful things someone told me when I was pregnant was that it is completely normal to hate your DH (and at times your newborn!) for most of the first year. 
With regard to practical stuff, I think partners often just don't get it at first. Things got better for us when I told DH if we were going to stay married he needed to do specific household jobs without fail. He also started taking DD for 40 mins every morning (whether she cried or not) so I could have a bath, eat breakfast and get dressed which set me up for the day I got a cleaner once a week which helped too.
Having DD really tested our marriage but we are much more of a team than we ever were before she came along. I hope it is the same for you. 
If you do feel out of control there is nothing wrong with asking your GP or HV for help.
Oh and stretch marks/baby weight take about 6-9 months to get under control IME, and a year to go back to pre pregnancy.
Would it be an option to get your DH to look after your baby for an hour or two so you could get your haircut/buy a couple of nice things? This made me feel much better about myself and gave DH a wake up call on how difficult it was to look after DD singlehanded. 
Gunpowder sums it up perfectly. Again, I could have written your post. These feelings are 'normal' but I think you need to talk to your dh calmly about what he needs to do to help you out. I felt I had to do if all as my dh worked long and stressful hours - how could I possibly ask him to cook when he'd been at work all day - but I did ask him and he helped where he could.
If you are formula feeding work out a rota for night feeds. We found this helped.
Get a cleaner. Worth every penny.
When both if you are together, make up masses of lasagna or other freezer foods so you don't have to worry. It's a faff to do but again, worth it.
Things will get easier. I remember thinking when ds was the same age that things will never get better, but it does. Or at least it becomes different the older they get.
Yep. Never underestimate how difficult lack of sleep makes everything! I think writing it down is a great idea, and less confrontational than my past threats of divorce.
Even if you can just have a cleaner for a couple hours fortnightly for a couple of months will help. Babies are much easier and not as full on once they can sit up. 
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