unsure about medication and oh making the situation worse:-(

[friendswithmymonster]

Hi, this is my first post have just joined! Sorry it's such a long one I'm so very grateful to anyone who actually reads it...

Our gp has prescribed fluoxetine for pnd (and am also on the list for talking therapy) I have had the medication for a week now and can't decide if I should take them or not after researching them online (side effects, how they work and that I don't think they actually solve anything although short term they would make it easier to cope until talking therapy) I really don't like the idea of them (no offence to others who take them because I do understand what a brilliant help they are its just my personal hang ups)

My partner started out being suppotive and has now lost patience, can't deal with me having pnd, criticises every effort I make its always 'too late' or 'not enough' for example he will say he'll get up, do the morning routine etc. I am upstairs while lo is crying, I come down to comfort him after allowing plenty of time for oh to respond to him. I walk in and get 'I was just about to pick him up' 'I was just doing etc etc' and worst of all 'I knew it, every time you f***g arrive' well, yes I arrive because he doesn't cope and I can hear my baby crying.

I don't want to (and will not) speak to anyone else about the pnd (friends/family) I have spoken to our gp and health visitor though and joined a support group (oh came too) but oh's impatience and own issues are making this a whole lot worse to deal with. There is no point him offering 'help' if it just turns into blame and arguments every time

Thanks again to anyone who managed to read all that!

[violator]

Have you told your oh all this? Does he know he needs to be supportive, was that mentioned at the group he went along to?
Support is the number one thing when it comes to recovery. Is the doctor who gave you the meds any good at chatting, could they explain to your oh that impatience is really no help to you at all?
Sometimes new dads find the adjustment difficult, mine did. He didn't know what to do with a baby and handed him to me at every opportunity, I almost had to fight with him to take a shower!

I understand your reluctance to take the medication. Have you started the talk therapy yet? You may find that alone is enough.

[violator]

Also, I know you don't want to speak to anyone about how you're feeling, but I did and found out two things.
It's extremely common.
And two good friends told me they'd been through it, which amazed me because they never mentioned it at the time.
Most mums struggle to a certain extent at the start. It can be enormously helpful to chat to mum friends about their experiences. The ones who genuinely breezed through didn't really 'get' it, so I knew they weren't the ones to elaborate with, but the others were fantastic.

[friendswithmymonster]

Thank you so much for reading and eplying violator :-)

The talking therapy apparently takes at least 20 weeks due to the waiting list(!) Which is kind of why I'm doubting my decision not to take the fluoxetine because it would (I'm guessing) get me through until then with some semblance of coping...I just can't put aside all that I've read and researched about the medication perhaps I shouldn't have looked at any information!

OH has been through it a bit with me messaging him to come back from work for weeks on end and I think he assumed once we'd spoken to the HV and GP I'd get medication and therapy and things would immediately start to get better.

We've got two LOs (this is our second baby) and he's always been amazing with them, mucks in with everything and is the cook of the family too! I think its just all too much for him and it comes out as anger (and I'm starting to feel, resentment of me and my pnd too) he knows he's supposed to be supportive and that the ond has to be accepted and worked with rather than just expecting it to be 'fixed' immediately but he's falling apart. He saw the gp too and got signed off work for stress and to help me and is due to see her again this week and has said he will discuss that he's not coping well either.

I wouldn't tell family but there is one mum friend (I met during pregnancy with my littlest LO) and she had medication for (I think) pnd when her elder child was a baby I've told her what's going on but she's so far avoided the issue (via email) due to see her properly this week though so will bring it up again then.

[perrinelli]

Just on the immediate issue of the meds - might it be worth trying them for a couple of months? I had similar reservations to you but in the end thought I would try them because it was something I hadn't tried (I'd been sort of getting by with depression for quite a while) as I could always stop taking them again without long lasting effects. In the end I took them for about 6 months which got me through a stressful time in my life (relocation) . I was only on 20mg and the difference was quite subtle. I still felt like me but I realised one day it had been a long time since id had a cry (used to be very frequent!) and it just sort of made the world more colourful and enabled me to take pleasure in things.
I'm not on them now because things are ok and I wanted to try without, but I'm glad I tried them and its good to know they agree with me and if things get really tough again in future they're an option.

I think you're spot on that there are underlying issues that need to be tackled but perhaps relieve your symptoms whilst you're working on those.

[violator]

I see, 20 weeks is a long time. Could you go privately?
Your oh definitely has his own issues going on which is why he's reacting the way he is.

[violator]

Oh and I don't think you're silly for researching the meds. Loads of people have no problems taking them, but some do. Better informed than not I say!

[friendswithmymonster]

See that's what I'm starting to think, perinelli. What worries me is how they actually work I don't like the idea of them at all, well actually I do like the idea of them its the reality of how they work that concerns me. I worry that they will mess around with and change the way my brain works

How you describe your medication working for you is exactly how I'd hope they would help me which does go some way to making me think I should try them...also OH might react better and be more supportive if he sees 'tangible' effort rather than seeing me as useless...

am rubbish at decision making at the best of times!

[friendswithmymonster]

Can't afford to go private, violator. I'm a sahm and we don't have much in the way of extra funds!

I'm happy that at least OH recognises to an extent that his issues need addressing and that he's willing to see the gp its just all such a mess at the moment

[friendswithmymonster]

I just asked him t

[friendswithmymonster]

I just asked him to speak to the gp tomorrow and get the ball rolling with some help and he freaked out and said it can wait a week until he needs another sick note and if I want to sort things out then I should just take the tablets. He was really mean about it and won't face anything so for the good of my two little ones I've done what he said and taken my first tablet. I'm gutted.

[friendswithmymonster]

When I get through this I really want to do something to help mums like me because no one should have to go through this

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time.

I too was very reluctant to take the tablets, but I am so glad I did.

I felt like I "snapped back" to me at the 6 week point. I think that the fact they worked so effectively also helped me to view fluxotine as medicine for an illness, albeit a mental illness.

I do understand what you are saying about it not really solving anything, but I think it is helping me get through a tough time. I hope I can return to "normal" at some point in the future and come of the tablets.

Just wanted to share my experience, hope you feel better soon.