Pregnant and in despair

[Samantha0526]

Hi,

I have always wanted a baby and for the last few years thought it would never happen for me.
Then just prior to my relationship fizzling out I found out I was pregnant. I was totally shocked by the news and felt an overwhelming sense of dread but just convinced and reassured my self that it was just shock that would soon pass.i also kept telling myself that this was my last chance to be a mother- I'm now 31 years old!

Then over the next couple of months depression set in and I have been unable to work, leave the house or communicate with friends. Me and my partner have separated as I have felt so low that it is having a negative impact on him. He has urged me to terminate the baby and I visited the clinic on two occasions but became so anxious I was unable to make the decision of what to do for the best.

I am now 20 weeks pregnant and each day is getting harder. Every morning I wake up with overwhelming dread and anxiety with negative racing thoughts going through my head constantly. I feel as though I have been trapped in a night mare that I cannot run away from.

The doctor prescribed me citalopram 10mg but it has not helped me at all and although two referrals have been sent to the mental health team they have still not initiated contact.
I don't know whether I feel this way due to wishing I was having a baby with somebody I love or do I now have a serious mental health problem.

I feel so bad that I am even considering a late termination just to be free from anxiety and even suicidal thoughts. I feel aweful about even thinking this but u just don't know what else to do.

Does anyone have any advise they can offer me?

[clutterqueen]

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I'm not qualified to give advice but it does sound like you really really need to talk to a professional counsellor. Would you consider going back to your GP to find out if they can refer you to someone more quickly? Please let him/her know about the severity of your thoughts. Perhaps someone else on here can advise you better.

[clutterqueen]

Bump. Can anyone help this lady ?

[ClairesTravellingCircus]

I also cannot give any advice but want to bump this for you. Xx

[ohfourfoxache]

I don't know how much advice I can really offer (been depressed all my life, we're the same age and I'm 5 weeks so nowhere near as far along as you)

All I can suggest is that you get your GP to up your tablets, or change your tablets. 10mg of citalopram would have done fuck all for me (I was on 60mg - apparently the highest dose they could give me) - changed to fluoxetine 40mg recently as it wasn't safe for me to continue with such a high dose of citalopram. You sound so low, I don't want to sound like a pill pusher but you need to feel better quickly - counselling/therapy etc will take much longer and it sounds like you need something even to take the edge off of how you feel.

Have you got any support, any family/friends you could call on for help? X

[ohfourfoxache]

Bump

[nobodysawmedoit]

Can you go to a Marie Stopes or other pregnancy / family planning place to talk about all this? Or a counsellor? Or just a friend? It must be impossible in your situation to separate things out but there's a difference between being depressed because you don't want to have a baby (in which case, termination might be a good idea) and being depressed because your relationship is in a bad way/over (in which case, you might still want to have your baby).
Really feel for you. :(

[ClairesTravellingCircus]

thinking about you op hope you're ok

[thisisnow]

I had a late termination last year (15 weeks) due to antenatal depression. If you want to pm me please do. I know how scared you must feel now but hope you are getting some support from someone xxx