Trying to decide whether to have children-thoughts please

[Marlene3]

Hi all, Ive been reading these pages over the last few days for some insight on motherhood and I thought Id join to ask for some thoughts from all you experienced, clever, loving and thoughtful mums out there.
Im a 32 year old in a reasonably happy marriage with a loving, supportive and understanding husband and a good, well paid job in London. Im now obviously at an age where I need to think about having children and I cant say Im thrilled about the prospect at all. I just never felt a particular emotional need for children or a special bond with them. I dont hate kids, I get on well with my nieces and nephews when I see them, my god-daughter loves me, I enjoy buying them gifts etc., I just dont have desire for one myself and my life seems perfectly good without right now.
My husband, my family and even his family think I am selfish and arent afraid to say it whether directly or indirectly. I feel this is unfair as it asks that one should conform to others idea of what happiness is and what life should be about. I hate being (or feeling) pressured and bullied into something so life-changing and important for a woman and her sense of self. After all, its not all about the selfish me but also about another life who would be affected if Im not enjoying the situation or Im not able to give it the time, attention and most of all, love it needs to thrive.
Additionally, Ive been feeling quite depressed, angry and even a bit suicidal lately. I went to see a psychiatrist thinking its the general stresses of life and work that have gone unchecked for some time or even a specific condition which I thought runs in the family. One of the things hes pointed out after only an hour of conversation is my conflict with husband which I gloss over. The main disagreement we have is precisely the one over children though this is, I realise, very important in the medium and long term.
A lot of the posts I read here are filled with pain and suffering caused by pregnancy and child-rearing. In real life I also see that many of my friends and family, even the very strong ones, had a terrible time with childbirth and babies. When I visit them, I can see that kids are beautiful and can bring joy & love, but those mums dont look very happy to me-whether the reason is stress of looking after the clingy babies all the time, their self-image, lack of fun (incl sex), sometimes lack of support from their partners, the cost of bringing up kids etc. etc. There are a few that seem happy/content and able to cope with it in a positive way but they are in a minority. Overall, and please dont take this personally if in a similar situation, there isnt much that I envy about their life.
Please can you offer some honest advice- is it the curse of modern times where we (over)think, or we have or we know too much & therefore I should just take a leap of faith given the good circumstances I am in and not be selfish or I will regret it later?
Should I give it a few more years as it shouldnt be too late for me then? Im just worried if I dont truly have a change of heart, my husband would have spent all this time, in the end to be denied the family he so wants although for men its never too late, right? 
Or should I just follow my feelings & instincts in which case the answer is all too clear to me and will require some very difficult conversations and decisions.
Thank you in advance

[asutty5]

I agree with " but those mums dont look very happy to me-whether the reason is stress of looking after the clingy babies all the time, their self-image, lack of fun (incl sex), sometimes lack of support from their partners, the cost of bringing up kids etc. etc. There are a few that seem happy/content and able to cope with it in a positive way but they are in a minority. "

The question is, would you have the support? I would ask the parents of your niece/nephew what they find hard and if they feel they have support. You will be part of the team or maybe all alone. It's not easy, children are different. You'll never guess what type of person they will be. It's a risk, but one of the few real risks worth taking

[duchesse]

It isn't selfish not to have children if you don't want them. It's the opposite in fact. And you have the choice, which is brilliant and hasn't been available for most of history.

The thing about having children is that people's roles tend to change after they've had children. A lot of things need renegotiating, which tends to be what you see when you see a mum not looking happy. I can't think of any major life change you don't have to readjust a lot of expectations, ideas and roles though. Like moving abroad for work for example- there tends to be a lot of ramifications from a move like that. The difference with having babies is that both parents are at a low ebb due to sleep deprivation, and might for the very first be having to surrender at least part of their identities to those of a very unreasonable small person they have the custody of. It's hard. Doubly hardly if you don't have spousal support or at least their good intentions.

The only thing I would urge you to consider is that maybe your partner might at some point want them. That is something you are going to have to discuss with him. You may have to give him his freedom if it's deal-breaker for him. He can't just bully you into having them though.

Anyway, you're 32 and have plenty of time to change your mind if that happens. But if it doesn't, there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING wrong with not having children. And I have 4 children so no vested interest at all.