Does my husband have pnd?

[KLou1105]

I have been with my DH for 8 years, married for 1 and our dd is 3months old and We have just moved house.

Me and DH are on the verge of separating, things have been difficult for about6 weeks now. He says he still loves me but is finding it hard to cope and just wants to be on his own. He has spent the last week staying at his mums to clear his head but is still just as confused. He says he wants to do whats best for everybody, but doesn't wanna feel like this and never thought that this would happen to us.What makes this all so difficult is that we really are still very much in love! I have asked him to go and speak to gp but he won't, which is very unlike him as he has always suffered from anxiety and stress and never had a problem with speaking about it and trying to get help! X

I'm not sure what I'm asking but I'm just so upset, I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I can't do anything to change it! I

[OldLadyKnowsSomething]

Ok, you and your dh have been through a number of stressful situations in a short period of time; you've got married, conceived, birthed and moved home, all in the last year. Massive changes from the partnership you had previously, and it's possible this is freaking him out.

I think it's quite common for one or other partner/spouse to have cold feet after the fact, but there's really nothing to do other than grow some bollocks and accept the consequences of the decisions you both made. He's a daddy now, and it's time he lived up to that.

I'm not unsympathetic re pnd for dads generally, I think it can be a real thing. But I think your DH is being a bit of a drama queen atm, esp as he won't seek GP's help, where he has before. You, after all, have suffered the same amount of stress and changes, and you don't get to opt out or fuck off to mummy to "clear your head", feel "confused" or "find it hard to cope".

I'd post again in the Relationships forum, if I were you. This issue is not insurmountable, my own dh was a bit of a wanker in the early days of parenting, but you need to have a screaming row serious sitdown conversation with dh where you express your own needs, and not just let him insist his are paramount.

Good luck. :)

[CustardFromATin]

PND in men is a lot more common than you'd think. My husband suffered after our 1st - he was exhausted, I think, and frankly you do lose something when you have children, and in the early days it can be hard to see the benefits, particularly for fathers who may be playing a less active role and who also may have lots of single/childless mates who look like they're having a lot more fun . Has he had a chat to his GP? My DH took a while to get back to his old self, but the right antidepressant made a HUGE difference - and helped him see that the problem was depression, rather than us. We worked through it and now have more DCs and a great life together

Of course I don't know your circumstances, and so this is just one story. But sometimes I read responses from here about dads who seem to check out after the birth, which get a lot of LTB type responses... Which is right if they're just being an irresponsible arse, but maybe not if they are struggling mentally. We would never tell a man to leave his wife if she was struggling to cope with parenthood after PND. Only you two can get to the bottom of this, I hope that it can work out for your family