The bad days get so bad I can't cope

[lchaffey10]

Hello I'm new to this site, was hoping I could find some support and help, my little boy is 18 months old now and I've always felt down and useless and like a bad mum ever since he was born. When I breastfed him for the first month I felt like nothing more than a feeding trough/babysitter. I hoped the low mood would go away on its own but it never did and now I've finally gone to my GP and admitted that I need help. I'm on Fluoxetine 20mg/day and it's not working. I'm also getting psychological therapy. When my mood drops I have awful thoughts about not being good enough for him, that he deserves better, and I've even considered letting his dad have him full time (we're not together anymore). At the moment with this heatwave my son is struggling to get to sleep at night and I'm so exhausted after running around after him all day I sometimes end up losing my temper and shouting at him, which then makes him cry and I feel terribly guilty afterwards, which then makes my mood worse. It's a vicious cycle and I need to break it. Is anyone out there feeling anything similar or has been through this that can offer me some advice on how to cope? Thanks for reading

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

Hello, how long have you been on the meds? They somtimes take a while (3/4 weeks?) to kick in. Are you having CBT? Hw often do you meet our councillor? I'm sorry you're feeling so down, PND is a hard road. I suffered after my second DD, but with meds & councilling I did pull through and am a stronger person and better mother for it. Be kind to yourself.

[lchaffey10]

Hello thanks for the reply, I've been on the meds for a little over 3 weeks now. I'm new to this site so I don't know what CBT means (lol) and I've only met my therapist once so far but that session was very helpful, next session is on 2nd July.

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

Hi, CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy - it's a kind of therapy which helps you to break patterns of thinking (the kind of viscous cycles you referred to in Your OP). 3 weeks is early days and 20mg is quite a low dose, hang in there and maybe go back to your GP and ask to increase the dosage?

I remember and occasionally still feel like a terrible mum. But then I try to think about what I've actually done. Quite often I realise I haven't been that awful to my DDs (just a bit shouty) but I felt terrible because inside I wanted to kick, scream, shout, cry etc

Are you working or at home? Whenever I talk about PND at baby groups, some quiet person will pipe up and admit they had/have it too.

Be good to yourself in little ways - get some posh shampoo, but your favourite fruit, play some music you used to like - little things that make you feel cared for. Keep going, remember the mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass x

[beccajoh]

Has your GP asked you to come back for a review at all. If not then you should go back and tell them it's not working. It might be that you need a higher dose or a different type of drug. I was lucky and it all worked first time for me but it too a good three weeks to feel different, although I felt a bit emotionless and slightly sedated (but not sleepy) for those first few weeks.

Worth pursuing some CBT if you can.