Hi, I'm a dad and our DD is a year old now (first child). For the last 10 years with my wife, we've been best friends, had a great time together, supported and loved each other.
About 4 or 5 months after the birth we had our first row, and it was pretty major. This was about something I thought was quite insignificant, however my wife just exploded, asked me to leave the house, called the police when I refused (I was reading quietly at the time when she found my presence objectionable). I turned out the she didn't think I was providing enough support for her, though she hadn't said anything about this to me prior to the explosion. I should be "just known"...
A year on, with many other episodes and ups and downs, I've done everything I can to help since she explained the issue. On top of a full on job that means I leave the house at 6.00am, and return at 7.00pm, I get home, and clean the kitchen after her and DD every evening. Mostly I've been making my own dinners. I don't normally get to see DD in the week unless she's awake early enough.
My wife has done other things to me, such as deliberately waking me up at night, hiding my phone, locking me out, hiding car keys, throwing my things about. I can't go into specifics in case she reads this...
The issues she has with me are: I don't do enough for her or DD, I don't contribute enough financially, I don't do enough around the house, I'm lazy, selfish and so on.
The situation now is that she tells me she hates me and my family (they've only ever shown her love), and wants us to separate. She cancelled our holiday recently and took DD away for a week to her parents without telling me she was doing so, and left me at home with a week off with no contact with DD other than a handful of texts, mainly from her mum. I'm really upset that she did this to me and don't really know if or how I can stop her doing it again. I feel she's got control, and there's nothing I can do. It feels like she's claimed ownership of DD for herself and her family to the exclusion of me and mine.
I've told her that I'm sticking by her and DD, whatever she throws at me, and that she can separate if she wants to but it's not coming from me. I've told her I'm there for her when she "snaps out of her madness" (probably not the best choice of words resulting in more abuse), but I'm at my wits end with her.
So I just don't know if her hate is justified (and I'm sure she would have a different, other side of the story), or if she might be suffering from PND. She won't acknowledge this, and accuses me of trying to make her think she's mad, and tells me she' lucky she has a supportive family who assure he she's not and she's doing a great job raising DD (and she is a great mum to DD!!).
We've had such an amazing 10 years prior to this, I really had found the love of my life, my soulmate, best friend, everything, and it's just unravelled since having DD. With a couple of bereavements in my close family already this year, I'm just struggling to cope with this situation (I need to stop wallowing in self pity I'm told), I just don't know what to do. Not even sure if she'll let me spend today with my daughter.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.
Antenatal/postnatal depression
Not sure if my wife has PND or just hates me
35 replies
dad123456 · 24/05/2014 05:47
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.