Change of heart about pregnancy

[Lewesiana]

I can't believe I am feeling this but here goes...after 2 years of ttc number 3 I am pregnant 7 weeks. I have been desperate all this time and was even considering ivf as DS is going away for a year in a couple of months.

Now , out of the blue I am having terrible doubts. am I too old (40)? Is the age gap too big ( ds's 7 and 5). My eldest is on the spectrum should I be really having a third? Can we afford it? What I'd DS dies or I do ? What if I fall ill? How will I cope with DS away ? How will I cope working with three?

Before I was pregnant I thought all these things were nothing to worry about! How things have changed

I have almost been hoping for a miscarriage and I am so ashamed to admit this . What is wrong with me?

[Lewesiana]

Sorry I mean DH