PND and the doc has called social services

[MumWithCamera]

Just after a little advice from others who might have more experience of social services and what they do..

Have been pushing the doctor and hv for more help with pnd (dc2 is 3 mo). I had severe pnd with dc1 and since previous history of depression. Anyway i told the doctor that i have good days and bad days and on my bad days i get so angry i feel like throwing baby across the room. I don't feel i would do anything in actuality but don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day. For weeks despite me saying this and asking for referral for talking therapy they both just say they will meet to chat with me and suggested support group but they won't get me talking therapy because ive had some in the past and they don't think more would be any use.

Anyway doctor has eventually taken me seriously today cos she rang to tell me she's calling social services "to see if they can support me further".

I wonder whether i should have just kept my mouth shut about my anger towards baby because so far i haven't thought there was any possibility i would hurt baby. but i was frustrated the hv and gp didn't seem to take me at all seriously so thought i should be honest about all my feelings.

Does anyone have any idea what will happen next? What is the process with ss? I am worried about telling my husband that he will think ive just stirred up trouble for no reason (ie i haven't got any treatment from the gp except anti depressants).

Thanks

[MumWithCamera]

Wanted to add dh is very supportive, but he's a worrier and will be worried about implications for us and the kids. Do they put the kids on protection list or is that a long way down the line??

[Suicidal5833]

Did she actually say she was referring you for the child the reason I ask is sometimes adults are referred to ss and it has nothing to do with the kids.

[Suicidal5833]

Oh and I have been referred to ss because of the kids two twice once because DS said mummy stays in bed all day( which I do but only when there is someone to look after dc) and the second time was because I missed three of my dd appointments (she has sn) because I was too ill to attend. Both times they spoke to my Hv who said I was fine and nothing further came of it.

[MumWithCamera]

the gp said it was because she was concerned about baby, but then she said it was so they could see if they cd give me more support.. without knowing the system im not sure therefore what shes said to ss...

shes spoken to the hv before making the referral and i think they are in agreement because of the intrusive thoughts i described having [which i've had only on rare occasions not frequently]

just realised there is specifically a pnd board might move thread to there as keen to hear about similar experiences...

[DawnMumsnet]

Hi all,

Just letting you know that we'll shortly be moving this thread to our Antenatal/postnatal depression topic, at the OP's request.

Thanks for your input so far.

[MumWithCamera]

Well i found out what ss protocol is! Child protection turned up at my door concerned whether the kids were safe and rang dh to tell him to come straight home. They were very helpful and understanding though and seemed assured all isn't such an emergency as they were led to believe. Phew!

In some ways is reassuring that they put good resources into child protection and are so fast at response. But don't think I'll forget this afternoon in a hurry!

[MumWithCamera]

Well i found out what ss protocol is! Child protection turned up at my door concerned whether the kids were safe and rang dh to tell him to come straight home. They were very helpful and understanding though and seemed assured all isn't such an emergency as they were led to believe. Phew!

In some ways is reassuring that they put good resources into child protection and are so fast at response. But don't think I'll forget this afternoon in a hurry!

[MumWithCamera]

Any input from others on what they at likely to do next?

[Whitershadeofpale]

I hope this is helpful but a few mners have put a resource together to help parents who have involvement from child protective services www.childprotectionresource.org.uk a lot of it will be irrelevant and it's still in its early stages but hopefully there should be some information to help you.

[wherethewildthingis]

Hello, what will happen next is an assessment of your children's needs and your capacity to meet them. The social worker will decide if the children are at risk of significant harm (child protection),or in need of support (child in need).
If the decision is taken to go to child protection there will be a formal conference with everyone involved invited to come and a plan is drawn up. If the decision is that support rather than protection is needed there will be a child in need meeting which is much less formal.
Either way it is a good idea to work with the social worker, their goal will be to make sure your children can safely stay with you.

[LEMmingaround]

I can't help but feel angry at your doctor though - refusing you help when you asked for it (i have had lots of different types of talking therapy, all on the nhs) and then passing the case over to SS. It seems like buck passing to me. I think that it is good though that ss have become involved because this will allow for you to access the help that you need. Intrusive thoughts are horrible horrible horrible - CBT is very helpful for this, maybe you could ask about being referred for this.

[MumWithCamera]

Thanks. Yes I do feel like the hv & gp haven't really wanted to know. I know mental health budgets are stretched but it was a bit ridiculous when they asked if I had "considered alternative therapies instead".

Hoping ss wil be helpful, though it's very scary having them involved. Wish I hadn't gone to the doctor really. WOuld have been better off looking after myself rather than asking the gp for help

[22honey]

wherethewildthingis you see this is why I'd never tell a GP or HV such a thing. It is used against you and people can find themselves losing their children.

Would rather deal with my depression issues my own way as all docs seem to do is prescribe ADs which are rubbish imo and after a few months make me worse, aswell as making me incredibly lazy.

As if sending child protection round is going to make a depressed mother feel any better. I do realise children need protecting but this is vilifying and cruel imo. They did it to my mother when my youngest sister was about 7, DM was very depressed and told them she had feelings of burning the house down sometimes. They sent SS who were useless and did nothing except make DM feel like a paranoid wreck and an even worse mother than she already felt.

These days I prefer to use methods of keeping myself happy I have found to work, like regular exercise, getting out in the fresh air and sunlight more often and doing things that get my negative energy out like dancing and walking/playing with the dog.

I am suffering with antenatal depression atm and will not tell my midwife etc anything, I don't trust them.

[scottishmummy]

I think your gp has acted responsibly in making referral,understandably you're worried
Reading your posts,you have a lot going on.you're tired and it's taking its toll
I do wish you and your family all the best,and speedy recovery.

[takingsmallsteps]

Hi OP.

Something very similar happened to me, and I just want to reassure you that your baby will not be taken away.

Just be open and honest and think about all of the protective factors in your life (you haven't harmed him, supportive family/friends?, breastfeeding if you do, steps you've taken to improve your mental health).

I went and did everything I could to better my situation. Help wasn't forthcoming from social services (I requested free nursery hours to help me get space but was declined) and their job isn't really to support me but decide whether I can look after my son.

I self referred to MIND, who have been fantastic. My HV has been great and put me in touch with some groups. We've also had an incredible amount of good will from my husband's work, son's nursery, family and friends. We showed them that we are a strong family unit despite me being unwell and they quickly changed from child protection to child in need.

This has really taken the pressure off and given me space to recover (incredibly hard with visitors and doorbell constantly going).

I'm struggling at the moment to feel like a good mum because the social services involvement intrinsically implies that I'm not. It's really hard.

Try taking up exercise if you can and keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings. Two things that have helped me. Fresh air and healthy food really help too. I didn't realise how much junk I was eating since I gave birth!

[MumWithCamera]

Update : just posted new thread tonight and haven't been on MN for awhile as just keeping my head down and struggling on sort of thing hoping all was getting better. However not sure that i am improving now, feel like everything is telling me im getting worse and have less clarity around what I'm thinking too.

Anyway just wanted to say thanks for the replies before as i didn't post back in all the drama, but all input is a huge help as i don't have anyone in RL so really understand this stuff..

[MumWithCamera]

who understands this stuff..

[shanicegoffin13]

my advice to anyone involved with ss dont say anything to them, i lost my 2 beautifull children march 2012 had my daughter may 2012 in march i was a bad mum in may i was a loveing outstanding mum there words