Had DS 10 days ago and I'm falling apart. I feel so horrific for feeling the way I do, but it's so all consuming.
After a long time TTC, we "miraculously" (zee were told it could never happen naturally and were on the IVF list) finally fell pregnant with our much wanted baby. Pregnancy was fine-awful SPD, coupled with numerous growth scans as I was so small and stressful work environment, meant the experience wasn't amazing but it could have been far, far worse.
We were sent for another growth scan last week as I was still measuring small and there was no fluid around baby. One quick induction later-he was here.
Since we got home from the hospital, I have been a wreck. I can't eat, sleep or do anything right. I feel physically sick at the thought of being left alone with the baby and will do anything to avoid contact. I do not hate him but I am so detached and miserae that I can't go longer than an hour without bursting into tears.
The anxiety is crippling. I jump at every little noise he makes; when I hold him I can't breathe. He's sleeping a bit more but I can't drift off-all I keep thinking is that I wish I wasn't in the sane room as him. It's such an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and I know that both my husband and the baby would be better off if I just walked out. That's exactly what I feel like doing.
Midwives have been out every day to assess my
Mood and referred me to postnatal mental health service. Was assessed today and given diazapam to try and stave off the anxiety, but no AD as yet-this will be reviewed at the end of the week.
I'm so ashamed and feel so guilty. My DH is doting on the baby and I'm hiding in a different room. We still share duties but I'm just going through the motions- I would rather be anywhere than with the baby. I refused to get out of the car this afternoon as I couldn't face going back into the house as the baby was there.
DH has less than a week of leave left and the thought of him leaving me alone for 8 hours each day has me feeling sick to my stomach.
I'm sorry this is a rambling post. My mum and DH have been wonderful to me but this is so unlike the "real" me that I know they're scared to leave me alone. I don't feel suicidal and I wouldn't hurt the baby, I simply just don't want to be here.
I like control and order and haven't got any. He sleeps for 3 hours at night at most and I know I should sleep too, but I just can't.
I just don't know what to do.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.
Antenatal/postnatal depression
Just can't do it-need out.
19 replies
Inapickle123 · 27/01/2014 19:56
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.