Before I found out I was pregnant I was suffering from depression and anxiety and was undergoing CBT and taking AD which if I'm honest didn't seem to be helping too much.
I was so sick at the start of my pregnancy my depression was suddenly cast aside as I felt too ill to even think, let alone get caught in negative thought patterns, when I knew about my baby, anxiety, excitement and the prospect of motherhood seemed to take over and I felt uplifted, happy and free from depression almost overnight. I realise now I was probably naive with regards to hoping it had just 'gone away'. I've had a few hormonal wobbles but generally felt ok emotionally until about 3 weeks ago. I've been thinking about worthlessness, general self doubt and most worryingly about hurting myself again. I feel empty and now devoid of any excitement. I feel like I am going to be a terrible mother and partner and that generally my life is over. I feel guilty that I'm not eagerly awaiting my sons birth but rather dreading the future.
I keep crying whenever I have a minute alone.
This week I've returned to work after holiday off and some time off with horrific all over body rash (PEP) caused by my pregnancy, I can't sleep as I am awake all night itching, I'm covered from the neck down in hideous red blotches and feel even more unattractive than I ever had before and I've just developed a terrible sore throat and cold. I can't take any more time off work but already feel exhausted and generally pathetic. My cat was killed last month and I seem to constantly think and obsess over that and how he died alone and its my fault for not checking he was in that first night.
I dont want to be on medication but I don't want this to escalate like it did before.
I feel so miserable and don't know why anyone would care about or love me. I feel like I've ruined DPs life by getting pregnant and tying him to me forever. I just hate myself and have no idea what I can offer to those I love, let alone a child.
I don't really know why I'm even writing this. last time writing things down felt helpful and mumsnet has been rather supportive over the last few months so, there you go!
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Worrying about prenatal depression
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everythinghippie29 · 14/08/2013 20:10
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