Just not sure what to do

[MarvellousYou]

DD 2 weeks old, previous PND with other 2 DC's. I'm starting to feel like I'm harming my DC just by being alive if that makes sense?

I don't think me or DH have a clue about being parents and I'm upstairs in bed with DD hoping that being up here will cause less damage. DH yelling at the smallest of things is making me feel worse. Wondering how on earth my DC are going to grow up without being completely messed up for life and feel guilty for bringing another life into this mess. I love them but I don't know how to make everything ok.

[CailinDana]

I'm recovering from pnd after the birth of my second child. I have felt exactly the same as you. Did you have treatment for your previous bouts of pnd?

[MarvellousYou]

Hi cailin, I was on a hefty dose of sertraline which made me feel numb and spaced out most of the time with DC2. I have access to the perinatal psych team but can't bring myself to contact them and tell them how I am. Just keep thinking it's just another bad day. Did you know you were ill eventually, really don't know what to do for the best? X

[CailinDana]

I knew i was ill when i started wishing i hadn't had dd and when i started thinking of ways i could hurt myself so i could get a break from it all. Everyone gets stressed but things aren't right when you start feeling as though you just can't go on. How are you feeling today?

[MarvellousYou]

Hi cailin, feeling the same if not a bit worse, have felt just like you described and my DH is not helping. I have the perinatal psychiatric teams number to call but I'm worried to ring because I should've been taking sertraline straight after the birth. I wanted to feel human for a bit before being drugged up, thinking the psychiatrist will be a bit miffed with me. I will have to ring her tomorrow, I was stuck this morning thinking, do I kill me or run away, with or without baby, what about DS 1 and 2? Horrible to be so irrational and desperate isn't it? I know I love all 3 of my children though x

[CailinDana]

It's a horrible place to be. I think it's definitely time to call the perinatal team. Could you tell them sertraline doesn't agree with you? I'm on imipramine and it's fab, very effective and no side effects.
Do you want to talk a bit about you're thinking and what's going on with your husband?

[Jollyb]

How are you doing Marvellous? Have you called your perinatal team yet? Remember every day that passes means you're a day closer to feeling back to normal (whatever that may be!)