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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Is that PND? Seems like NOTHING is right.

19 replies

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 10:35

I don't even know where to start. After 6 weeks of crying I am ready to admit it, I need help. I have a 6 week old boy, diagnosed with reflux, in general probably most unsettled and unhappy baby you can imagine. I am struggling. I always wanted a baby but I just cannot cope any more. He is never happy. OH does not help with the baby at all, blames me for everything and says that a nearly 7 week old should already be on some kind of routine, which we don't have. I tried to introduce one, but simply impossible with DS being so unsettled. He hardly ever sleeps, cries most of the time. Me and OH don't even share our bedroom any more because of the baby crying, me and the little man now stay in the living room cause OH wants some sleep because he is working. I do not even know where to start fixing things. DS is on omeprazole and domperidone, been on it for nearly 3 weeks now, I see no major difference, put him on SMA staydown yesterday, less vomiting but for some unknown reason he seems even more unsettled than he was before. I will take any advice, I have been reading through the reflux threads and am doing everything as I've been told: holding upright for 30 minutes after feed (FF), giving him his medication etc. And as for my relationship.. have you ever heard of a father who does not cope with baby crying and uses every excuse in the world not to help?

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MildDrPepperAddiction · 07/03/2013 10:42

No real advice for you but didn't want to read and run. It's not easy with a new baby and even harder with a baby who is unsettled. Maybe try the doctor again re the reflux if you're not seeing any improvement. I think you need to speak to your OH and explain how you are feeling. Is there anyone who could mind the little one while you go out for a coffee. Talking on neural ground may help.

HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 10:48

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I found it very hard, and ds did not have reflux. Your OH is seriously letting you down here .

Have you anyone nearby who you could ask for some support? Any friends or relatives? I think you should talk to your HV too, mine was very supportive and helpful.

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 12:13

Thank you! Additional problem is that we've moved quite far out of town.. all my friends are quite a distance away now, I have no family here and traveling with a screaming baby is not ideal.. I've got an appointment with my GP next week for the 6 weeks check up, will discuss medication then I think. It will also give me the chance to see if SMA staydown is making any difference.
As for my OH, his excuse is that he worries about everything these days (mortgage, money issues and all the rest) whereas my focus is only with the baby and so therefore he is very overwhelmed. He knows he should be helping out more but just can bring himself to do so. I seriously feel that everything has fallen apart. Never thought it would come to that.. 12noon and I've not even showered or dressed yet. And I don't care at all...

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HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 12:16

Sorry, but he sounds unbelievably selfish. Does he only think of himself?

Don't worry about not showering, who cares? Are you managing to eat ok?

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 12:25

Nope, can fit into the skinniest of my skinny jeans, bonus!!! That would be just about the only positive (working on it though, there just seems to be literally no time for anything). LO is either screaming or having his bottle or being held for his 30 minutes after the feed. Time flies when you're having fun (NOT) as they say...

I can only hope things get better in a few weeks.. or months. Or just whenever.

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HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 12:29

It will get better but you need to eat!

You also need to talk to someone who can help you. Don't wait to talk to someone next week, phone your HV today. You are allowed help. She will be glad to come round and talk to you. Mine phoned me and I wept on her. She couldn't have been nicer.

And remember, that although it FEELS like not coping because it is all so hard, you are coping. Your baby is fed, cuddled and safe.

Maybe when you feel strong enough you can tackle why your OH is behaving in such a selfish and appalling manner. He should be supporting you and yet he bangs on about how hard HE is finding it. Unbelievable.

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 12:44

Just called my HV, she's out today but someone else will give me a call back later on today. Should have probably done that days ago...
DS stopped crying for a minute and is now staring at his mobile and smiling. Good to know he's capable of doing that.. just wish he'd do that more often.

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Snowfedup · 07/03/2013 12:46

Hi I was also worried about PND at 6 week check I cried buckets in front of my gp, she was lovely and explained that sleep deprivation was more likely cause than PND she said I needed to find somewhere in the day or night to get a 4 hour stretch of sleep.

I went home and told dh and he arranged to take baby to his mums for the night - the difference of having a full nights sleep was amazing!

My ds has silent reflux though not too severe and now at 11 weeks is showing signs of growing out of it !

Tell your dh you need help and sleep on doctors orders or think about going to your family for a few weeks if they would be more helpful - the travelling might be a pain but might be worth it once you get there !

HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 12:57

Well done for phoning Ethlinn. You did the right thing.

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 13:37

Snowfedup - growing out of silent reflux at 11 weeks? That is soooooooooo amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! My ds was not too bad to begin with, but it is also a matter of keeping his feeding a bit more under control, he will take ANY amount given and is growing at an incredible pace. He is already bigger than some 3 month old babies, even the doctors at the hospital commented on it (and they would know, we've kindly paid them a visit every single week since my GP was totally ignoring us).

My OH says he'll finish work early today so that we can talk. We shall see... I think he will be shocked to see me in my pjs and bed still not made (I'm very much the 'always wear my make up and look good' type).

Humphrey Cobbler, thank you, I know I should have done that earlier.

Silly question, but I'm a first time mum.. would you ladies agree that babies sometimes cry really for no reason (just want a cuddle or attention)? Cause that is something my OH just doesn't believe when I say that...

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ThatBintAgain · 07/03/2013 13:45

Hello - hope you get the help that you need. Agree it's probably more to do with the fact that babies are very bloody hard work and you're being left to do it all with no support, no sleep and your OH is being an arse. Babies are not in routines by 7 weeks, at least not any that I know or had.

My first baby cried a lot for no reason we could make out, and for about 4 months. My second didn't sleep for years. They're all different and if your OH is expecting a nice quiet life he's going to be very disappointed!

Snowfedup · 07/03/2013 15:35

I know I might be wishful thinking but my first ds had a marked improvement at 3 months and we had stopped gaviscon by 4 months and didn't look back. I know lots with more severe reflux that went on a lot longer !

Both my boys are big solid boys and my first was sitting up unaided quite early so don't know if that's related?

batteryhen · 07/03/2013 16:20

OP I understand about a crying baby. My DS just seemed to be miserable for the first 3 months of his life. Cried and cried and I felt useless. I went to the GP as I was worried about silent reflux. whilst I was there she sent of a urine sample for him as he had started refusing his bottle too. It turns out he did have a urine infection and that was making him miserable. A course of antibiotics later and he was like a new baby :) Now at 7 months he is a smiley bundle of fun. Could you ask your HV or GP to send off a urine sample to rule it out?

I also agree with the others, your DH sounds overwhelmed but so are you. You need his help xx Well done for phoning the HV too .

HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 21:06

How are you doing? Hope you managed to speak to someone.

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 21:23

Good evening,

My HV heard my lovely baby over the phone and she organised an appointment with my GP straight away. She says she has no idea how I've been putting up with this - proper screaming. We got a prescription for Nutramigen, two feeds done now, we shall see how this goes, maybe he has some kind of intolerance after all.

Batteryhen - we had his urine sample tested many times as on my 20 week scan they thought they saw some sort of kidney problem, thankfully at least this has now been ruled out.

Fingers crossed Nutramigen helps, although I must say it smells really bad and made his vomiting a tiny bit worse. This, however, I can put up with. Constant screaming in pain - not so much...

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HumphreyCobbler · 07/03/2013 21:48

I am so glad she listened and you have a plan. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Ethlinn · 07/03/2013 22:13

Thank you. I cannot believe how nice and helpful she was! I should have done that ages ago, I just hate to admit that something is wrong and I need help (childish, I know). Fingers crossed now.

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HumphreyCobbler · 08/03/2013 21:30

Hello Ethlinn - just popping by to see how you are doing.

Ethlinn · 08/03/2013 22:42

Hello! Well, never a dull moment in my little world. Phoned my HV today to ask if it's ok that DS does not seem particularly keen on Nutramigen and is taking less and less with his every feed. She totally freaked out, he needs to be seen by a doctor asap and all that... We had an appointment at sick kids hospital today (completely unrelated issue), so she told me to go to a&e to get him checked. So.. we waited and waited and waited at a&e to find out that he seems fine, they will NOT prescribe any different milk cause they all taste horrible (really? I have tried Neocate LCP, seemed ok to me..) and to get DS used to Nutramigen I should be mixing it with his previous formula. I said that I will not be doing that as we seem to finally get to the bottom of what's bothering DS and this would be a step back. And so they gave me more medication (DS already on omprazole and domperidone) which I am not planning on giving to him as all the do is increase medication and I see no difference. All in all, what a waste of time!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sticking to Nutramigen for now.. we will see how it goes.
Thanks for popping in :)

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