I have suffered from anxiety through my whole pregnancy and have been to hospital twice. I was starting to feel better when I had a bombshell. My midwife has referred me to social services because I had a disturbing thought at 6am after not sleeping for three weeks and starting a new job 4 hours drive a day. I had rolled onto my tummy and could feel the baby wriggling around under me but for a split second I didn't want to get up and thought I must want the baby dead but straight after I thought no I don't I love the baby. I didn't understand this thought until i started to feel better and was so freaked about it I told my midwife in floods of tears and really regret it now although it got me the help I needed and now my anxiety is loads better- apart from this. Anyway social services are coming round for a core assessment and I'm terrified they will take my baby. I have to go for a c section in five weeks and I can't handle the worry anymore.
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