PND or just feeling bad?

[Feeline]

I have been off for a while now and it is getting worse.
Don't get me wrong I have good days but they are more frequently indifferent or bad. I feel like everything is getting on top of me. I have 2 boys 9 month old who is teething and suffering from bad exzema and 21 month old who is suffering from temper tantrums. I know this is contributing, but I have been like this for a while, it's just getting harder to ignore. I struggle to get to sleep, then struggle to get out of bed. I can barely motivalte myself into doing anything and as a consequence the house is a mess, which makes me more miserable. The stupid thing is if I sit down and rationally think about it all, I know I'm just not managing my time well and if I did a bit each day it would be less messy. I keep loosing my temper when normally I wouldn't and a prime example is today I responded to something on facebook I would have normally just ignored and have upset my brother and sister in law. I'm now sitting here crying with the LO asleep and the eldest upstairs shouting (reluctant to nap).
If i just function and don't think too hard it's ok and I can get everything done and life is ok but I am now starting to think I may suffering from some form of depression. I don't want to waste the Dr's time and thinking about it makes me feel like such a failure. I just don't know what to do.

[carocaro]

You are not a failure in any way! Kids are knackering and you have two very close together so hats off to you for even having the time or the inclination to sit and write it all down how you are feeling. Do you have any family or friends you can talk too? Who could take them off your hands for a few hours so you can get a break? Who gives a stuff about 'mamaging your time' some things have got to give, they really do.

So the house is in a mess, so what, pristine houses are not what life is about. When mine were little like yours and DH was away working Mon - Fri I just about clung on, the one thing I had was this little ritual of making sure our bedroom was always clean and tidy with no children stuff in it, I would look forward to it all day knowing my room was clean and the bed was made and I could just collapse into it at the end of the day. The rest of the house was a bombsite but it did not bother me as much as I knew my bedroom was fab! Step away from the Facebook and get outside, even a walk round the block, nothing fancy. I would talk to your GP about anti depressants, they do work and are not addictive. I went on them with DS2, I was so exhausted and everything was such an effort, after 2-3 weeks on them I could just cope better, and not see everything as such a blooming hard effort.

People used to say 'you need a night out' when I really didn't!! What I wanted was time on my own, so I used to go to the movies on my own, just to escape, drop off radar and not have to talk to anyone was total bliss. What do you think you could do?

You are not alone to feel so knackered and despondent, it gets to us all I promise!

[3plus2]

Hello feeline I'm feeling exactly the same . I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I'm snapping at everyone or not responding to them at all. I can't b bothered to do anything when I do go out I get all stressed and peed off I wish I hadn't bothered . I have a 3 mo 5 and 8 yo . But I fell over today with my 3mo and found I've lost my petrol cap somewhere :/ I've totally lost the plot so that was the final straw off to GP next week

[Feeline]

Thanks for the replies. I do need to try doing 'adult' stuff other than housework. IT would be nice to have some time with the OH too.
I'm in less of a meltdown today, I have booked an appointment at the GP as the fallout with BIL & SIL when I would have normally let it slide.
My OH is being really supportive too thankfully. He had been kind of suggesting I should perhaps go see a Dr or someone for a while now so I know it must be bad for him too.

Well we will see what the Dr says and hopefully it will get better.

[carocaro]

It will I promise.

[Clarella]

So sorry to hear you're so low - feeling a failure is very common indeed in any form of depression and you won't be wasting the gps time to have a chat.

Maybe try
www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/ for both info and also the helpline (or you can email them). Try Mind website too - the hardest thing is admitting there may be a problem and it is better to act sooner rather than wait for it to get really bad or simply struggle on with live as it is.

All the best xx