AND...will I ever feel like myself again?

[Mamily]

Where to start....
Made redundant in November, found out I was expecting same month. Partner took all money from saving account to cover hidden debts. Terrible Christmas.
Evicted. Can't pay bills, pawn items to buy food.
Can't afford pram, cot, car seat etc. No family members with old items or to help financially.
Have only ever wanted to be a mum and this whole experience has ruined my pregnancy.
Cry continuously. Council can't help, benefits...not entitled to what you'd think!
Feel suicidal, then guilty. I already love my baby but so scared I won't be able to provide for her. God help us if she refuses to breast feed!
Too scared to see a professional as I think they'll put baby on at risk register and will carry stigma with her as it can be placed on their school and nursery records.
I was a confident, outgoing person and now I'm too scared to speak to anyone. I get really anxious. I don't go out unless I have to. I just don't know what to do.
I have to keep a brave face because people only want to hear how happy and excited you are when you're pregnant.
Please tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be me again.
I don't want to be rich or have the big house and posh car. I just want me and baby to be safe and happy.

[Mamily]

Thank you all, I'm on freecycle all the time, just waiting for bits to pop up. I've been to car boot, found a 2nd hand baby shop but problem is not having the money to begin with.
I've only got 8 weeks to go so not having basics is starting to panic me. Partner is earning but it barely covers rent and c.tax.
I'm new to Worcester so worried about talking to new doctor or midwife who doesn't know me. You hear such horror stories.
Feel really bad for my OH, he's trying so hard to provide but situation same for everyone. Tough times.
I'd like to get out more but I'm embarrassed that I can't pay for anything and as silly as it sounds I feel like I have a neon sign above my head saying 'flat broke'.

[RamblingRosa]

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't be scared of talking to people who can help. Talk to CAB. Talk to your GP. Talk to the midwife.

Keep on scouring Freecycle. Post on there that you need stuff rather than waiting for someone to post that they're getting rid (often people have baby stuff sitting in a cupboard that they'd gladly give away to someone who needs it but it hasn't occurred to them to put it on Freecycle). You don't need as much as you'd think. A sling is a good starting place. I used the sling for about 3 months because I didn't have a working pushchair.
Do you have friends and family nearby? Speak to people. Depression makes you want to hide away but it only makes it worse. You don't have a neon sign over your head. Your family and friends won't hold it against you if you're feeling down and anxious.
I'm not an expert in these things but I don't think your baby would be put on at risk register from what you've said. What's the risk? That you're short of cash? That doesn't make you bad parents. That you might be depressed? That just means that you need some more support.
If it helps, I was depressed before and after the birth of my DD and I got through it. You'll get through this too but you can't do it all on your own.
Good luck.

[Mamily]

Thank you so much. I've never felt so alone but coming on here seems to have been the smartest thing I've done so far. I didn't realise how many others have been through a similar thing.
Thanks again to all if you, I'll keep you posted on progress. :)

[festiemum]

Hi, just wanted to pop in and reiterate that you are not alone.

I had AND with dd1 and PND with dd2. Saw different GPs in different parts of the country and they were falling over themselves to help. More research is being done about AND now, and they're finding that the majority of women who suffer with PND were also suffering during pregnancy, only it wasn't diagnosed. So GPs are keen to help women in your position.

You'll feel better equipped to deal with the practical problems you have at the moment if you sort the AND out first. A course of SSRIs safe for use in pregnancy, for example, will have you feeling so much nearer to normal in a matter of a few weeks.

Really hope you get some help. Best wishes. xxx

[Commutinghell]

Hey. I'm not far from Worcester and due to have my first baby last Sunday (come on baby!!!). Have you been to a children's centre and talked to them at all? There is bluebell children's centre in Worcester. Worth a google. They can put you in touch with people who can help you with the things you need, it used to be an organisation called surestart, not sure if it still is. Either way they'll know who can help you and that's what they're there for, they won't judge you or put your child on the register just because you asked for help. Asking for help is a good sign that you want the best for your baby, from what you say there's no indication that the baby might be at risk.

[Mamily]

We're having a little girl, got some clothes and nappies but that's it. I've posted on freecycle but didn't get much response.
As for names we came up with Corinne but I've started to go off it now...probably hormones!
I've found my local Sure Start now too and looking into what groups to go to etc.
It all seems so obvious when someone else shows you the way through the trees!
Thank you all so much for your advice, links and all.
My partner tries to help but the few short days on here have done more for me than anything else has done since week 16!
Still a way to go until I get anywhere near normal but I really do thank you all for what you've managed to do for me.
Hope your labour goes well CommutingHell and you're all happy and healthy!
Seriously, thank you all again.

[RamblingRosa]

I think Corinne is a very pretty name :)

Do keep on researching local groups/Sure Start etc. And stay on Mumsnet. It's so important to get support.

Good luck.

[littleweed10]

Not alone, fab advice already. I had PND and had amazing local support from home start. Basically a volunteer coming to see you support you, get you out, act as listening ear. It seems a small thing but made a huge difference

Xx ps I think Corinne is gorgeous name

[Mamily]

Thanks on the name, I worry it sounds too common sometimes! X

[Daisybell1]

I second everyone's comments about the local boards etc. And please talk to your midwife - my local ones have a cupboard full of stuff that they dip into for people in your situation, or if they know you're looking, they'll keep their ears open in case they're offered anything.

Take care

[Mamily]

Hiya, I'm doing ok, had a handful of weepy moments. A few stroppy ones!
I never know if iabu towards dp. For example, I want to get house up straight and properly organised before baby in 7 weeks. He won't let me move anything, understand that, but he's not moved it either when he promised he would. He had whole weekend but has worked yesterday and today. Feel like I'd be a nag to keep bringing it up. We've only been in here 3 weeks and I've done most the moving as I can't stand looking at it, then we argue and he throws it in my face about how I'd blame myself if something terrible happened...actually, I'd blame him but don't say as refuse to fan the flames. Sigh. Bet you're glad you asked! Lol!
How are things with you? X

[Mamily]

Completely understand about housework! It seems to multiply over night as well!

There are a couple of local groups I'm thinking about, a breast feeding one and a sort of new mums group. Both at Sure Start, going to ask mw about them at appointment as mw in same place.

I decided to do a big amount of moving yesterday as Monday was another day he promised to move stuff and hadn't.
He didn't notice until he went to get ready for work this morning despite the fact he'd been manoeuvring around these bags and boxes for 3 weeks!

I'm not doing any more and am on full nag mode now...lol!

:)