help!!

[jessicalynn0317]

A week ago my baby was born. I had a horrible labour that lasted 44 hours and then followed by an emergency c section. Worst thing ever! She is my first child, she was unplanned but I was still excited. I am 20 years old and I thought I could handle it. I can't... I have so much support but it just isn't enough. When she was born I wasn't excited, and the days that followed I just cry. I hate breastfeeding, I'm so scared to be alone with her and I just want her to sleep. Feels like all I do is spend my time feeding her and trying to calm her. Yesterday I felt great I thought all the bad feelings were gone, I was happy and exxcited and in love with her. Today I'm back to crying. I want to stop breastfeeding but I don't think my partner wants me to and my mother in law might be upset with me. I feel like I would dissapoint people if I stopped. I don't want her to cry and I really don't want to hold her. I feel sick constantly, I can't eat and I just want to sleep for at least 3 hours! I started taking my anti deppresents again and I have a doctors app and I made an appointment with my thearapist but it still doesn't seem like enough. What do I do? I know I love her and I dont ever think of hurting her but I just can't handle this.

[scottishmummy]

you can get support and help
hv and GP can assess support you,they will need to hear you,see you
best wishes as its all very new and scary,please dont feel alone or scared
talk talk to GP and hv,if need be get home visit
and congratulation on new wee baby

[LittlePoot]

Oh sweetie-it's so tough at the start. I know you're feeling awful but if it's any help, the majority of new parents feel exactly the same. Makes no difference how old they are or how planned the baby was-when they do finally arrive they turn the whole world upside down. I had a long pretty traumatic labour followed by emergency cs too and it was a bad start for me too. Your hospital should have a "birth afterthoughts" service which you can make an appointment with at any time (including in months or years to come) and talk through what happened and why. It can help settle things in your head. For now, take it easy on yourself-you're doing a brilliant job. If you haven't been discharged yet from your community midwife then talk honestly to her about how you are feeling. otherwise, get your hv round. They won't judge or think you're doing anything wrong-you'd be amazed how many mums are exactly where you are. Find out about other services in your area like if you have a sure start centre nearby-they usually have a new mums and babies group and it can be so helpful to speak to other new mums for reassurance you're not losing it. With the feeding, don't be pressured into sticking with breastfeeding if you really don't want to but equally, don't just quit if you think some help might get it sorted for you. It's harder than people think to get it all working in the first few weeks-I ended up stopping after about 8 weeks because bubba just wasn't putting on any weight. But preparing bottles all day and night was a pain in the butt and I did often wish I could just get out a boob when there was a screaming baby to deal with....
Really though-try and cut yourself some slack. You're not meant to be able to do anything other than muddle through together at this stage. And do keep talking about how you feel and enjoying any fleeting moments of joy that pass by. This very tough part will pass-eventually and you really will make it through to the other side, I promise. Take a look at some of the other threads on here and see if there's any other advice which helps.

[QZ]

You need to tell your midwife, HV, or gp how you feel.
It is so overwhelming at first, there is so much to learn, and so little sleep to manage on.
Congratulations on your baby, I hope you're enjoying her more soon.
They are hard work, but you'll get there.

[AmethystMoon]

Please go and see your GP, you've coped with so much and are doing so well, you really are even though it doesn't feel like it. Tell your GP everything, they can help you, you aren't alone and things really will get better. Congratulations on your new baby x