please help

[poppypops]

Don't know what to do, I haven't slept again tonight. This is the second time in the past week. My gorgeous baby is 4 weeks old and sleeping upstairs. I am say here crying. I don't know what to do. I had severe postnatal anxiety with my daughter who is now 4 but all has been well for past 2 years. I feel like I am slipping back to that place and I am frightened.

I seem to be obsessing about sleep or lack of and getting myself into a complete state. Feel like I may need help again before I get to the stage I got last time. Worried about how I will cope today with no sleep.

Feel so upset with myself that I might go back to that anxious person. Missed out on the first few months of my daughters life and desperate not to do the same this time.

[FidgetPie]

Hi - just wanted to reply to offer some moral suport and let you know that you aren't alone. I would have thought it is worth contacting your GP and or midwife in the morning to talk it through with them.

Have you got family / DH who can help out more so you get a chance to sleep. explain how you feel and maybe someone can give you some more intensive support for a little while. Accept all the help you can for a while to get you through this patch and avoid it getting worse

Hopefully others with more specific experience will be along shortly
Take care

[poppypops]

Thank you for your reply. Dh works long hours but is very supportive. No other family around but have wonderful friends who will listen when needed. It is horrible being awake at this hour with your thoughts. Really frightened that things will sprial out of control. Will make an app with gp today. Want to nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

[TubbyDuffs]

Nothing really to add, just agree that an appointment with your gp is the way forward. Be totally honest about how you are feeling and the help will be there for you.

In the meantime, try and have a sleep when the baby has a nap in the daytime; let other household chores take a backseat and look after yourself.

Hope you get the help so that you can enjoy your family.x

[FidgetPie]

You might also explore getting some extra paid help in - a cleaner or mothers help to take some of the pressure off you for a bit.

I hope you managed to get some sleep and it goes ok at the doctors today. I agree you should be really honest and ask for as much help as they can offer.

[Oeisha]

I hope you got to your GPs today. Just wanted to add my support. PND here too. You know the feeling, and you know what to do to get better. Hopefully your GP's started the process going. If not, go back to a different one.

Also, if you have access to HVs then utalise them. Get them to come regularly if you want. They can at least reassure you that baby is OK and that you're doing OK.

I have a 5wks er, 1st time Mummy, but have had severe depression before. Am 1wk in with meds...and feel a little more OK I think...

If it helps (it might not) have a look at my thread. Might help you with some of the crazy thoughts, others have contacted me to let me know they experienced the same thing...feel free to comment. I know talking to my SIL and friends that have had PND it's all normal, but at the time it certainly feels bloody mental. Typing it out is certainly helping (on here and my own diary). LINK

[poppypops]

Thank you everyone for your support. Went to see GP yesterday and was started on sertaline. Feeling very low and teary today, no energy either. Feels like such a big mountain to climb now if that makes sense.

Have had nausea and diarrohea since i took my fist tablet yesterday. Anyone else had side effects from sertaline. Was previously on citalopram which helped wonders but has I am breastfeeding GP wouldn't prescribe. Hope these work soon as I feel like I am losing myself.

Will read your tread Oeisha. Thank you for sharing

[Oeisha]

ohh. you might find this helpful then. breast feeding network's stats on ad's. Informed decision making and all. or
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/pdfs/Antidepressants_and_Breastfeeding_March_2009.pdf

I hope you find a drug that suits, but I found SSRIs more effective than tricyclics. Can't say ADs have done that to me (I had everything bar erectile dysfunction and death on seroxat), maybe give it a few days unless you get worse, or check with nhs direct/111?

[FidgetPie]

Glad that the GP has been able to help - I hope the side effects have eased up a bit and that you start to notice a difference soon
Thinking of you and wishing you well

[poppypops]

Morning, just wanted to update. Day 4 of sertaline here. Have felt worse for the past 2 days but lets wait and see. Can anyone advise how long before they started to feel better with the meds?

How are you doing oEISHA? Feel any better today x

[Sowlers]

Hi hope u don't mind me joining in on this thread, I'm 7 weeks into fluoxetine and just had my dose increased to 40mg, I was picking up a lot then a week ago got my period and crashed a bit again. So I'm 2 days into a higher dose and also taking 2mg diazepam to calm the anxiety. I have 4 year old and 10 month old sons and I am exhausted with them. I'm getting loads of help but some days there is just me available to look after them and I panic for days before that. I've tried to have a heart to heart with my hubby this morning, he's being amazing but I know he just doesn't get it. I wish someone could tell us when it will get better but maybe if we support each other we will get to the other side of this. Good luck with your new meds poppypops and I hope you are getting the help and support you need x

[Oeisha]

Hi guys.
I'm ok thank you poppy. I think the citalopram is helping now I've upped it. I think I'm also just slightly less paranoid about everything. Starting to feel some affection for Snufflix too. I'm still having pretty bleak moments, especially as Snufflix has gone back to 3h feeds...she was sleeping between 6 and 8h overnight, but hey-ho...it's causing me to have a pretty constant migraine. But, well, there are worse things in life.
I'm still having BF guilt, but, well, after the scepticaemia I know it's totally the right thing to FF.
solwers the more the...errr...merrier? The more people talk about PND the less isolating it is for those of us with it. Frankly, if we had broken legs, people would give us plenty of tea and sympathy rather than giving us the "just get on with it" crap.
poppy the meds can take a while, but if there's no improvement in 2 weeks, then I'd go back and ask for a different one. For example, seroxat (peroxatine I think) was a nightmare for me, but citalopram is ok...both SSRIs.

[Sowlers]

Hi all, I'm seriously thinking of stopping this 40mg dose and going back to the 20mg. Two days in and I feel horrendous physically exhausted, sick and dizzy. It worked last time when I was pregnant but I only had one child to care for and as I was supposed to be working I had childcare every day. This time I need to function to look after both boys and right now that feels impossible. This really is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
I wish I wasn't a crier - I think that tires you more than anything!
I hope you all have had some bright moments over your weekends, good luck with the week ahead xx

[sailorsgal]

have any of you ladies heared of Homestart? You can refer yourselves or ask your HV. A volunteer will be appointed to you for a couple of hours a week and support you and your family. If you want more info PM me.

Also your GP can refer you for CBT which may be helpful.

Look after yourselves. x

[Oeisha]

Thank you sailorgirl. I've already had CBT and found it very useful, for a previous bout of severe depression...can recommend it highly. Takes effort, but it's worth it. Am using the same skills I learned now to keep calm and rationalise my way out of the more crazy thoughts.

If anyone is interested in homestart here's the linkylink.

[poppypops]

Morning sowers, hope your night was ok. Crying is good for you sometimes. Let's all that tension out. Stick with increased dose a bit longer. It can make you feel worse as you know before you feel any improvement x

[Sowlers]

Morning all, I fell asleep at 8.30, just sooooo tired but then I was awake by 3.30 and baby up at 5. I've only taken my lower dose today, I can't be incapacitated by sickness and dizziness this week especially as all my family help are working. I have left a message for my CPN to call me just to talk it over with her, I don't like to make decisions like this without a bit of guidance. Hope you are having an ok day guys? X

[SchrodingersMew]

Couldn't read this without commenting.

I hope you feel better after your appt, feeling very blue myself today and haven't slept yet so you have my full sympathies.

[Milliebow]

Poppy just wanted to say I'm so glad you went to your GP. I was exactly the same but left it till 3 months even though I had been there before and knew catching it early was the thing to do. 2 months later now and doing much better although still not 100%. I also find talking to people in rl or online helps me to recover from my 'blips' quicker. Just getting the thoughts out of my head helps.

Sowlers have you considered a 30mg dose. I had horrendous side effects on 40mg and although the higher doses are recomended for anxiety the increase in anxiety to start with can cause all kinds of physical symptoms. I found that 30mg (combining a 10mg and 20mg tablet) worked much better for me.

[Sowlers]

milliebowe thanks for the input, there doesn't seem to be a 10mg available so my doc says, I will speak to my CPN when she calls back. Good to know I'm not the only one who has these crappy side effects x

[Milliebow]

Sorry i was on citalopram when i had 30mg dose sowlers. The se are crappy for a while, but i have to say they helped so much inthe end i'm glad i stuck with it. Have gone without antidepressants since dd born though and know citalopram isn't first line with breast feeding.

[Sowlers]

Ah right. I spoke to my CPN and we are going to stick with the 20mg this week and meet up on Friday to discuss next steps. I've had my best friend with me all day ( she lives hundreds miles away) and it was so nice to be with a real friend who knows me so well I don't have to pretend.

[poppypops]

Morning all, hope everyone is a little less blue or anxious this morning. It is lovely Sowlers having good friends about, takes the pressure of trying so hard.
Well 7 days on sertraline here. Definately not as low but that has been helped by getting a good stretch of sleep at night....thanks to zopiclone. Got myself into such a tizz without sleep that it hightened my anxiety levels. Hopefuuly the sertraline is working too. Having more anxious thoughts the past day but unsure if thats the tablets working or not. I was told they can increase anxiety levels and than tail off.
I seem to have a feeling of anxiety and than think to myself, now what thoughts make me anxious and focus on that! I am clearly mad!! Anyone else do this?

[Sowlers]

Hi there, yep I do the same, get totally wound up about the smallest things that I used to take on my stride then when I feel calmer and more settled I start getting wound up about what was winding me up!!! It's a viscous circle. I seem to be the only one on fluoxetine, citalopram seems the more usual treatment. But it may be that I have to switch anyway as 7 weeks in I'm not really feeling any better and my sleep is awful. I can get to sleep ok but wake at like 3am and that's it then by the time the kids are up I'm knackered. I feel physically ill too, not sure if it's the low mood or the meds? Does anyone else feel sick/dizzy/weak? x

[poppypops]

Yes Sowlers, I have been experiencing nausea and an almost dazed feeling sometimes. Hopefully it will settle soon.

Feeling upset today as breastfeeding becoming hard to figure out and get back on track. Have been giving formula feed at 11pm and 4-5am feeds since i started the sleeping tablets plus expressing and dumping milk at the 4-5am feed to ensure baby is not exposed. Worried about my supply, topped with worry that I am damaging my baby by carrying on with breastfeeding. The flip side is I am worried that if I stop feeding I will feel guilty about that too!

It is never ending.....

[Sowlers]

I can only imagine how tough breastfeeding is at this tough time, my son is 10 months now and on formula and solids so it's one thing I don't have to deal with. You are doing amazingly well. But if you decide to FF it really isn't the end of the world, remember your baby needs a happy and well Mum and if that means a bottle of formula then so be it. I had no milk supply due to various things, c section, medication etc and so FF was the only thing to be done in the end. Not my first choice but I can honestly say my boys are both big strong lads!! Ive had an ok day, my Aunty arrived to keep me company at lunchtime and I was SO pleased to see her and have some adult conversation. She dragged me out for a walk with the pram too. I felt rubbish but can honestly say now I'm home and had something to eat I feel a little better. Small steps xx