Sad and overwhelmed – related to IVF or twins?

[Teds77]

Would be grateful of any advice especially from anyone else who might be in the same boat.

I?m 16 weeks pregnant with twins following our second go at IVF. These are much longed for babies and I?ve definitely spent a lot of the last few months being very happy at being pregnant.

The problem now is that I?m also feeling pretty low too and I don?t know why or what the best thing to do is.

I?m incredibly worried about losing one or both of my babies and perhaps what I?m feeling is a result of this extreme anxiety?

Both DH and I are worried that we are having twins ? and that certainly makes me feel less ?in control? ? but on the other hand, I know that I?m excited about the prospect of two children after having spent so long thinking I might have none, so I?m not entirely sure that?s it either.

I don?t know whether this is a reaction in some way to all the pain and stresses of infertility and then going through IVF? I don?t know if others who have gone through IVF have felt the same?

My job is usually very stressful and I found telling work about the pg very difficult. We are a small business and we have lost a fair amount of income during the recession and over the last week it?s become clear that next year could be even tougher, as a result I know that my maternity cover costs will put a real strain on our budgets. On the other hand my boss has actually been really supportive about the pg ? i.e. I?m probably being paranoid and overly worried!

I?ve started to tell a few people about the pg in the last week or so, but I don?t really want to do this. Instead I would prefer it if I didn?t have to share the news with anyone. Is this some kind of protective mechanism?

When I think about the lovely wriggly babies I saw at my scan or when I pat my bump, I?m happy and totally in love with these two little ones. The problem is that the rest of the time I just seem to be consumed by feelings of sadness and worry and feel very teary.

Any advice or hand-holding would be welcome. Is the best starting place to talk to my midwife? And just to say that I?m so terribly sorry to be so down when I feel like I should be so happy but I?m imagining that will hopefully go down okay on this board.

[whoknowsme]

If your employer is quite a small business then they will be able to claim back the cost of your statutory maternity pay so try not to worry about the cost to them.

Please talk to someone about your anxieties and repeat until they take you seriously.

[Daddyblog]

Hi Teds77,

First of all, congratulations! I've had friends who went through IVF but I can only begin to imagine the heartache it took to pluck up the bravery to even get as far as deciding to go for it. Well done.

Secondly (IVF or no) fear, anxiety and worry about your not yet born baby (or babies!) is totally, totally normal.

I remember when my DW was pregant with DS1 how worried we both were that something would go wrong. It was something we both wanted so badly it didn't seem real until it was happening. It took us a while to get pregnant, so when we found out she was expecting we became quite ridiculous with superstitions and not "cursing" it.

Even at three months when you're 'supposed' to tell people we almost daren't in case things were to go wrong. Again, totally normal. Brains are wonderful things. Completely unbidden they've already imagined the worst and are spearing our minds with the possibilities. The idea of telling people about your pregnancy IS exciting but at the back of your mind your brain is already imagining: "What will it be like when you have to tell them things went wrong?" - again, totally normal. Would that there were a way to shut off that annoying nagging voice of doom in our heads!

All those feelings must be magnified multiple times by IVF; and then to have twins as well ? I'd be concerned if you [b]weren't[/b] worried!

That said, yes, talk to your midwife. That's what they're there for. Pregnancy causes all sorts of hormones to whirl around your system; IVF even moreso. Even if it's just to get her reassurance that, as I've said, your fears are totally understandable and normal - even that is nice to hear.

Keep talking to people about it - especially your husband. No doubt he's having the same fears but like most of my gender is "manning up" and "being strong" for his wife by pretending he's totally cool with everything. Talking things over (even having a good cry) can be cathartic for both of you.

Loads of luck.

[jmf294]

IwPpz

[merryberry]

daddyb is right ++, think of this as a very normal reaction to a first pregnancy (with some amplification from twins and med history and work issues). Sure, some people sail through in a haze of la-la-la happiness, but most of us have to very seriously contemplate the upcoming major changes to our life. Cut yourself some slack and realise it's an massive adjustment, read about the process of change as well as all your twin care, talk to non-twins folk as well about the change to parenthood from having no dependents, and treasure those moments when you feel good about things. I found the anxiety of my first pregnancy abated once I was so damned big it was a physical challenge to get through each day. Then I just gestated quietly and calmly. And with twins you'll get that big nice and early:)))

[CareBear1]

Hey my lovely Teds! I did a search for you to see how you are getting on. Ah, I think it is the most natural thing in the world to be feeling that way, what you've been through is such an ordeal, I wouldn't be surprised if its some of the distress kind of seeping out in a way. Plus its that thing of all that effort and longing for this to happen, and feeling on cloud 9 for a few months, it just wouldn't be sustainable to feel that way forever and is maybe a bit of come down before you level out back to normality? Can you come up with some activities that will help you to destress a bit, have you got some good relaxation cds? Are you still going to acupuncture or reflexology? Can you take a few days of just 'me time' or immerse yourself in baby catalogues, or ante-natal groups? Not sure if any of that is any help, but just to let you know that you're a lovely poster on these boards, I think you'll be a fantastic mum, and I wish you all the best. x x x

[AlanMoore]

I've felt very anxious during this pregnancy (my second, singleton!) and was diagnosed with antenatal depression last week.

I think it's totally understandable to feel like you do but if you start to feel overwhelmed, tearful, not "yourself", please see your GP or midwife. I was signed off work for a week and have now started to feel a lot better.

Take care and all the best with your babies - my cousin has twins (now 5) following IVF and they are utterly gorgeous!

[thekidsrule]

only just read this thread and i was exactly the same ivf twins much wanted,i ended up with pre natal depression

if you still want a chat about it please reply or maybe youve improved your thoughts and things are going well

good luck

[amz1]

Hi Teds77

I was in exactly the same position this time last year - i remember taking every medication under the sun and going through the emotional rollacoster of IVF. I am now sitting here with my twin boys 3 months tomorrow. One in my arm whilst im typing and the other has just discovered how to stamp his feet whilst lying down! Feel very very blessed.

My best advice is enjoy your pregnancy it goes so quickly!! Take pictures everyday of your evergrowing bump, write a diary to remember the good days and bad - at 3am when you babies are screaming and wont settle it will make you feel sane...!

My work piled on the work and instead of project managing one project i was looking after 5 and the occassional travel to East London I live in West London! At the time I felt i had to prove myself because i was pregnant (stupid i know) i worked upto 34 weeks gave birth 36 +5. And they still give me the odd cal - work related of course.

It is sooo natural to feel the way you do as I remember wanting children for so long andt then when our IVF worked we were so happy but at he same time worying about the next hurdle.....as a parent it never stops so my friends tell me.

Agsin relax and enjoy it, take each day as it comes nothing is worth stressing about, the most important thing is to take care of yourself and those babies!

Good luck