am i getting depressed or am i just heartless

[hostelgirl74]

My son is 2 months old. I just thought it would be different, I knew it would be hard work but my son seems irritable most of the time and he doesnt seem to smile as much as other babies. I just feel like i am not enjoying him. I hated being pregnant, loads of stuff went wrong in the birth (not to plan) and he is just not a happy bunny. Before i had him, i was just bored at work but now i am exhausted all the time. I have no family living nearby to help me. Everyday I wake up and i feel like i am just looking forward to the night when i am allowed to sleep (a bit) again. I do love him but i just feel like he doesnt really like me very much. I feel like running away but then i know i would be judged and don't know if i could take the guilt of leaving him without a mother. Where would i go as well? I have a mortgage, my relationship would end.... My family would hate me. It just feels like there is no way out. I just want my old life back but realise this is not possible. I just mourn for it all the time which i know is pointless. Even though it was boring and i hated my job, it seems blissful compared to this. I do get out to groups when i can but am in loads of debts so can only really walk places.

[hostelgirl74]

i should just add i feel i have been totally sold down the river by the "you should have kids" brigade. I feel like they have talked me into doing something they knew would be hell just so i could join them in their misery.

[SilentBoob]

Hmm. Maybe depressed, yes. I think you should talk to your HV or GP about how you are feeling. Having a 2 month old baby can be a pretty relentless and lonely experience. Certainly it is not abnormal not to be enjoying it at this stage ( some people do some people don't). But som of the things you mention sound like its a bit more than just exhaustion and adjustment.

[duvet]

Yeah I can remember feeling very much like that with my first dont know what it is/was pnd/exhaustion and adjustemnt probably everything but sounds like you could do with someone to talk to, some support although you say you have no family nearby. ....
All I can say is that it does get better and for me getting out helped somewhat and that trying to savour those precious moments I know it's not easy. I found the second time round so different that I wished I had enjoyed my firstborn more than I did, so that's why I am saying that but at the same time I realise that it is easier said than done at times. Try not to stress about things like housework and routines and your baby not conforming 'to the book' but to relax when your feeding your baby and be reassured that it will not be like this forever and things will improve, take one day at a time. Hope this helps

[schmee]

I remember thinking that my little boy hated me. I was convinced of it. Then one day when he was about four months old he pressed his cheek very firmly against mine to look around and suddenly, boom, we were completely in love with each other and I knew he completely loved me.

That sounds schmaltzy but I remember the fear and the feeling that my experience of motherhood would be endlessly awful (remember that "sold down the river" feeling very well). It isn't, really.

I didn't seek any help for my feelings. It may help you if you do. And it may help you to have someone to talk through your birth experience with.

I agree with Loopymumsy about keeping your baby close. Do you use a sling or babybjorn? They can be great for letting you get on with your life, whilst giving your baby the security of being near you.

Also, the winter is a very difficult time with a baby. It'll be spring soon and your baby will be looking around and learning about the world whilst you walk around.

[ohbugrit]

Look, you need to talk to Someone in RL about this, because it might be depression. But babies are truly rubbish. I've had two and I can assure you of this fact. They are small noisy smelly unrewarding pink blobs of unrelenting hard work.

Fortunately they do eventually morph into children which are much nicer. Don't get me wrong, I don't really like children either, but my own are utterly wonderful and the best fun I've ever had. You will feel this way eventually but this first bit is thankless and draining and a bit of support from your HV might be just what you need to help you get through it. Good luck :)

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

I felt exactly like this with DD1 who is now 4. I absolutely remember feeling sold down the river. Now my best friend is going through it too, I keep trying to reassure her that her feelings are completely normal and they will pass, but I know that she doesn't believe me!

I fell in love with both my daughters when they were 3 months old. I don't know what made the difference it just happened and it will for you too. In the meantime take all the help you can get, ask everyone and anyone for support and talk to the GP if you need to. That is what they are there for.

It's such a difficult and huge adjustment, don't be hard on yourself, make sure you get looked after too.

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

Oh and what ohbugrit says too

[justwantcheese]

i know exactly how you feel, i remember wanting to run away. i agree that you should talk to your health visitor or gp.
i also think getting out a little every day-trying to feel the sun on your face,maybe a walk in the park,little treats for yourself even if its just a magazine and a bun.
i was always told just take one day at a time and things will get better.

[IEatThePannenkoeken]

I had days where I felt like this is the first 2 months. Nothing can prepare you for looking after a newborn - it's relentless, boring, frustrating, and exhausting. And in those first few months when they hardly smile it can be very unrewarding. I almost had a feeling of claustrophobia and the feeling that there was no way I could escape from it made me feel ten times worse. Added to that, friends and family all expect you to be over the moon with happiness and telling people that you find it all a bit depressing doesn't go down very well.

For me, it got better after about 2 months. My ds started smiling more and more, and then laughing and once that happens you can start to enjoy each other more. My ds is 6 months now, and I still have moments where I find it overwhelming but on the whole it is much easier and I do get real pleasure out of being a mum.

It may be that you are getting depressed and you might need professional help, but I think it's important to remember that many people find it difficult to adjust at first and that is normal. Talking to somebody who will listen sympathetically is really important. I hope things get better for you

[hostelgirl74]

Today things seem better. Think it helps when i get out a bit. It is hard but some days are worse than others. Thanks for your kind words.

[Tizzylizzy]

Like your post Loopsy

[carocaro]

I think we have all felt like that, I have. I once went for a walk with ds1 was ina sling and it started to rain and I was annoyed with him as I had to use my copy of Heat magazine to keep the rain of him, I was so looking forward to the excitement of celeb crap to take my mind of baby baby baby and it was now soggy and unreadable.

He's now ten and non the worse for it!

You joined any ante natal groups yet? Music group for babies etc? Tis good to get out and meet other with similar age babies.

You are not alone in any way and you are a good Mum. Don't be so hard on yourself either, it is hard work. And just because your birth did not go to plan does not mean it was a failure, hardly any births go to plan!

So chin up love, get it in perspective, your tired and just had a baby be gentle with yourself, it wil get better.

[Tizzylizzy]

Lovely post Caro

[EdithSwanNeck]

Oh HostelGirl - what can I say? I felt exactly as you describe here. I remember having a rare night off to meet friends when DS was tiny. I fantasised about just walking away into the night and not coming back....but I did. And now he's 6-years-old and I caught myself crying the other day because he's growing up so fast! So it will get better and it will get easier. Please, please believe me....