feeling distant and almost giving up on DS

[NewYorkBlizzard]

My DS is now 5 months and it seems that he prefers my mother to me. My mother has been looking after him a fair bit as I have been really ill with a kidney infection for 3 weeks and I also suffer from epilepsy, so if I have a seizure I'm knocked out for a day maybe 2. I of course am so very thankful for her help but I'm starting to feel very down... I hold DS at times and he's hysterically crying, my mother will take him and he stops. My mother also seems to know what he wants straight away after I've spent 10min trying to comfort him. I'm finding myself becoming increasingly frustrated by this and can feel myself slowly giving up and just saying to my mum "you have him then seeing as he hates me". I'm trying to bond with him but the negativity is so intense. The pregnancy was horrific, I had an EMCS 2 months early so DS spent 3 weeks in nicu. I feel like I was deprived of having the usual bonding experience at the start. I don't know what to do. I love my son and want him to love me. I waited so long to get pregnant after 4 MC's he is my world but its going so wrong.

[newmum953]

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like it's been rough going and things always seem worse than they are when you are sleep deprived as well. It's natural to have a feeling that you don't want other people around your baby. There is no-one a baby loves more than his/her mother. Perhaps the two of you just need some time alone together - a few days during which you can just focus on being together. Things always seem worse in the beginning.

[newmum953]

So sorry you've had such a rough time. Sending you positive thoughts.

[lollystix]

In my experience they can sometimes behave worse with their mums than others - even at such a young age they can be manipulative. He will know you are his mum and maybe that's why he feels comfortable being himself and 'acting up'. Are you able to spend much calm time with him like lying on the bed stroking his tummy etc while he drops off to sleep? I think this sort of thing is really important for you both to bond. Really calm cuddling in a quiet environment. Are you able to remove your mum a bit from the equation so you can't hand him over?

[libertychick]

Just keep reminding yourself that you are his mum and there is no one who can replace you. Spend time just cuddling when he is calm, read to him, sing song, nursery rhymes etc. He might be too heavy at five months but it can help to just pop him in a sling and chat to him as you do stuff around the house. You sound really down. Can you talk to your gp or health visitor as you could have PND after all you have been through? Is there a local Playgroup you could go to as talking to other mums with babies can help? Hope you feel better soon.