I was diagnosed with PND two months ago after struggling with feelings of failure, fatigue and feeling under pressure to be this goddess type mother. I chose not to have medication as I'm still breastfeeding but I have counselling every two to three weeks.
I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't care for my now 7 month old properly because I was just too tired but then would feel guilty for not doing enough and because I was always alone during the say so many unhelpful thoughts would just be going round in my head about how many people there are out there judging me, not leaving me alone.
Recently I thought I was getting better though. I stopped crying everyday, I felt a bit happier about myself, I had a little bit of energy and was cooking again and laughing again, (I felt as if I had just forgotten how to laugh) but over the weekend I felt like I had a relapse.
Today I've cried so much, I haven't had any dinner and I was just going through all of my photos and videos of LO and found that there are only two videos which include me in them and one of them is when he was placed on my chest after birth. All of the videos feature my husband and baby having a great time with me filming. I just told my husband this is tears and all he said was, well at least your voice is there. That is not the same! Now I feel resentment towards my husband that he's not taking the initiative to take videos of me and baby and if something should happen to me my baby won't have videos of his mum to see. I'm still crying and husband looks like he's just fed up of me being miserable and gone to bed whereas normally he's quite supportive. Am I being really unreasonable here? Feeling quite alone and bewildered. :S
Don't really know what I'm asking for here as a response but just wanted to get it written down.
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3 replies
mamamona · 09/01/2012 23:50
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