11 Weeks pregnant and feeling very low

[Daisydukke]

Hi, I'm not sure how to really start. I am 11 weeks pregnant with my first child, planned and very much wanted. I have been suffering however with severe 'low' spells since I found out I was pregnant. From the moment I found I was a mummy-to-be and the first person told me you can't do or eat something my emotions ran to angry then to complete sobbing. I am not sure that it is depression as I do have good days in between the 'Bridget Jones moments singing into the hair brush'.
My boyfriend has been amazing from the beginning and has been involved as much as I will allow him to be, back rubs, nice meals and compliments as I start to expand from my waist line. He comforts me on the bad days and keeps me smiling on the good days, but even his patients is starting to wear thin.
On the bad day's I can't see the good from anything. Constant guilty failure feeling flows through my blood and nothing and no-one can pick me up. I have suffered on and off with depression since I was 16 and taken anti-d's. I don't want to result to that again, I just feel that maybe knowing that there were others out there that felt like I do, it would comfort a little.
Doe's anyone get the feeling when asked 'you must be so excited, bet you can't wait' to turn around and so actually I'm NOT! I'm scared. Do I need to see a doctor? Sorry to rant on. Thanks for listening.

[kickassangel]

Hi, Daisy.

I had this exactly when pregnant.

Depression during pregnancy is far more 'normal' than a lot of people are willing to admit.

I remember telling people that I felt like an alien had taken over my body, and they just stared at me as if I was the alien - no sympathy at all.

So, don't feel guilty about this - it's not something you can control, but just one of the many wonderful side effects of pregnancy, and it has absolutely no bearing on how well you'll bond with your dc or how good a mother you'll be.

Mine disappeared the moment dd was born (along with hideous morning sickness).

So, loads of sympathy from me.

Just one thing - I didn't talk about this to anyone until I was 38 weeks. (It was a difficult pregnancy for many reasons, and I just kept soldiering on when really I shouldn't have). By then I was more than depressed - I was totally bat shit crazy. Voices in my head, constant crying, couldn't leave the house, dreams of cutting myself etc. And I had FORGOTTEN that it wasn't normal to feel like that.

So DO see GP/MW asap & tell them & keep telling them til you get some help. I ended up with an emergency psych nurse coming to my house cos the mw thought I was in serious danger of hurting myself (and I didn't tell her most of the stuff I just wrote up there)

Best of luck - and keep talking to people about this. It's just like having morning sickness or swollen ankles. Can't be helped & will become nothing but a distant memory.

[Daisydukke]

Thank you so much for the reply. It is comforting to know that I'm not alone on this one. I am pleased that you began to feel normal so quickly after baby was here. There is hope yet!

[MrsShrekTheThird]

hi daisy - yes me too (and there are lots of us, you are in good company...just search the threads on here and imho you won't have to look very far!) During my first pg i felt like you do. Please do let someone know, so they can keep an eye on you. By my second pg (very stressful, complications) I was put on anti-d's - prozac iirc, from 20 weeks as I was a sobbing mess and couldn't work and barely had the energy to look after ds1. I changed to a different AD after he was born, so that I could bf him, as that was one of the things that made me feel like I was doing something useful.
Do not suffer alone, there are lots of us here to listen and you can also talk to your mw, I remember distinctly that mine were fantastic, very caring and understanding.
Those hormones are messing about with your body balances and I do think some of us are more sensitive to those changes than other people who barely seem to notice or have all the ups and downs. I'd also had depression from my late teens onwards and imho the changes of pg do push some of us to the limit with our ability to keep afloat. Hang in there.

[bansku]

You should contact your midwife/GP and ask for help. I was depressed and I was referred to perinatal mental health team at the hospital I am planning to give birth. They will provide medication and consulting if needed.

[Amanda1979]

Hi daisy,
Your not alone as you have seen from the other posts. I'm 32 and I am 8 weeks pregnant and have been miserable ever since I found out even though I tried for baby. I suffer from depression, panic attackers and anxiety and have had counselling on many occasions and I am on ad's also.

All I can think about at the moment is how I can get out of this pregnancy without hurting anybody but that won't happen. I have been pregnant twice before and my depression and total fear drove me to not keep my baby which is nothing to feel proud about. I feel totally ashamed and can not believe I can not cope this time either.

Everyone I have told is over the moon and say the same thing that I should be happy I've been blessed with another child after what indonesia in the past but all I feel is no I'm not bloody happy I'm terrified and feel totally trapped and confused. Everyone tells me I will feel better after the 3 months but I find it hard to believe.

How are you feeling now?

Amanda x

[Kelliem]

I was the same...pregnancy was awful, sobbed for most of the 9 months and still the week before I gave birth. Go an speak to someone, and don't be fobbed off...also be easy on yourself and let yourself cry (I used to get anxious about crying which made things worse)

I now have a beautiful baby girl..wouldn't change anything, even the "low" points of the pregnancy. I see it that I only had one place to go and have been surprised every day since having her

[louisianna]

I also suffered from antenatal depression in my first pregnancy and I think I spent most of it also panicking that I'd end up with post natal depression too. The mental health team and my midwife had told me that there is no link between the two and that it was very likely that as soon as baby was born the depression would lift.
I'm very happy to say that this was the case.
Please talk to your midwife/GP - it really does help and they will give you ways to help you manage on a daily basis. This doesn't necessarily mean drugs.
My daughter is 1 now and having her is the most amazing thing I've ever done and I would go through it all again - it is worth it - as much as it might not feel like that at the moment.
Things I found helpful were to make plans for the future - meeting up with friends etc - even if this was the last thing I wanted to do. Once I did these things and dragged myself there I felt much better.
I also had to think to myself that I would have good days and bad days and accept that I wasn't a failure just because I was having a bad day.

[Daisydukke]

Hey, me again. I thought I would come back after a couple of weeks and tell you how things are going.
Well I went to see the Midwife and she explained how it's the hormones and that after 12/13 weeks these should balance out. So I've waited, and I've waited. And now 16 weeks and don't feel like this has been the case. I am pulling my boyfriend left and right - one second taking his head off the next sobbing uncontrollable in Tesco's because they don't have a particular brand that I am after. I'm angry and bitter and the experience that I've wanted since I was a little girl is now dampened by this dark cloud and feels like it sit's on top of my chest (only thing I can explain it to feel like). I know that i must keep fighting on and trying to find ways to make it easier on myself and my loving boyfriend. I'm just counting the weeks until my due date, as every week is another less of the insanity of pregnancy and my baby being in my arms.
I am so pleased that you all have taken the time to write your thoughts and experiences, it does help to reassure that I am not the only one. Good luck to those who are pregnant and well done to those who made it through. I will catch up with you all soon x

[Coldfeetprego]

Hi Daisydukke ,
I'm in the same boat. All I can say is to try to maximize thoughts that make you feel good (such as: countdowns to when I will be able to drink and eat sushi again, weird sex dreams about strangers, etc) and find ways to go into the imagination, such as reading and watching movies. Maybe it sounds silly but it is helping me... Parents are always saying that kids grow up too fast, so I´m hoping that means the pregnancy will go by fast too!

[LauraPalmerish]

It's really good to read this thread - I'm almost 8wks with my 3rd pregnancy following 2 MCs - one last July and one in November. I just feel so down and teary. I know I should be happy but I feel so sad. And it's affecting the way I interpret everything.

My DP is wonderful and supportive and is gently reminding me that there are tons of hormones coursing through my body, but I just can't seem to shift my mood.