When dies it become pnd?

[glitternanny]

Hi

I have a history of depression (2002) and family (mum and sister) of pnd.

When does what you're feeling stop being just mood changes and hormones and pnd.

I love my son but sometimes I don't feel like I love him enough.
I see my oh with him and feel jealous lo 'smiles' more for daddy than for me.
I have had a terrible battle in my mind when lo has had bottles of formula and often delegated daddy giving him it than me, I felt rePlaced.
When lo cries and I'm in bed I pull the covers over my head wishing I could stay asleep, I do get up and tend to him and love him, I don't leave him, I don't get stressed out when he won't settle.
What else - sometimes I fantasise about staying home alone all day and just hiding but that doesn't last.

Unlike when I was off work I do get dressed and showered everyday, we go out most days, mostly I initiate/insist on going out if daddy is iff.

I am socialising, in real life and text/email.

I'm eating tho tbh because I have (breast feeding) to rather than hunger, I have less of an interest in food than I normally do- I'm snacking more tho, a comfort thing, and cis it's there.

I am looking forward to stuff like seeing my friends without baby and going back to zumba!!

What else can I share - I dunno really....

Just wondered when life with a baby and the emotional journey becomes something more....

[skandi1]

Didn't want you to go unanswered.

It sounds like you are having a tough time. New babies take it out of you. And yes the broken sleep is beyond awful.

Also your whole life becomes one long interruption. It's not like pre baby where you could devote hours to a task.

With my first I found the broken sleep very hard to deal with. It was a massive shock to the system and DD is and was an excellent sleeper. Second time it was easier as I knew what to expect.

I don't know where the line is with PND but if you feel it may be the beginnings of it, please speak to your GP. The sooner you get help the easier things will become.

It could just be its taking time for you to bond with your baby. It's not instant for everyone.

It's normal to look forward to doing non baby related activities. We all need a break. Is there any way your partner or family can help and give you a regular weekly slot with a few hours off? It can make all the difference.

You are probably also mourning the passing of your old life. Things do change very dramatically once you have a baby.

The good news is that as babies get older and turn in to toddlers, you get more and more of your old self back again.

Sorry I can't help in the PND but someone more knowledgable will be along soon.

[AnxiousElephant]

Hi it is really awful to feel like that and I agree that there is a mixture of feelings to deal with. Sometimes sleep deprivation is the cause of this and sleep is the thing that will help. How old is baby?

[AnxiousElephant]

I agree with skandis post. Your HV might be able to help by offering baby massage which is great for bonding. Are you able to feed lying down?

[glitternanny]

He's 4 weeks old.
I have fed lying down but fell asleep so have vowed not to anymore.
We are booked on baby massage but can't do it til he's 12 weeks, I do my own massage thing though with him.
We are bonded, we play and have cuddles and stuff.

[skandi1]

No expert on depression so not much use but I am an expert on sleep deprivation and the demands of motherhood. It can really wear you out.

As your baby is 4 weeks it's early days and you are still getting used to having your baby with you. I found it quite a shock going from 0 children to 1. And I found it hard for the first few months.

I also felt very alone with it all. Despite nct group, 6 friends who had babies within 2 months of me and good support from DH, I felt alone and responsible for my tiny DD.

Perhaps a mixture of the newness of it all and responsibility is getting to you?

I found mumsnet! It has helped me lots! And opening up to friends ( when I finally found the courage) only to hear they felt the same. It was like a burden being lifted.

I would still speak to your GP as there is family history of depression. However I think what you describe is normal.

It certainly took me a long time to find my maternal glow (=unwashed hair no shower possett in clothes etc ) and my stride (stumble).

[glitternanny]

ive had a really rubbish night - couldn't stop crying for about an hour and a half. OH is in bed, I'm up with LO so OH can get some decent sleep as he's off to work tomorrow.

I feel like cancelling christmas so I don't have to "pretend" but I know if I let how I'm feeling win I'll look back and hate myself for wrecking LO's first Christmas.

I'm beginning to really think this is something more than the odd wobble.

Tho like my depression it seems to be in quick highs and lows, often several of each in a day. putting the duvet cover on nearly reduced me to tears earlier as my 'tired' oh sat on the sofa after asking me to do it so he could get an early night. i shouted for some help and he came after saying he was looking after the (sleeping) baby. He then sat and watched more TV despite being exhausted before going to be in the bed I'd just made up for him

grumbles