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Flying mattress graduates - dock here!

(507 Posts)
festiemum Wed 16-May-12 20:52:46

Hey chaps! Here's the space for us to witter on incessantly about our pregnancies!

20 week scan today and it was soooo fantastic! I'll post some pics on my profile later. The sonographer wasn't 100% sure, but thought that it was probably a girl, due to lack of visible meat and two veg!

Hope everyone's doing well! xxx

Rusulka Thu 11-Jul-13 17:33:49

Went and got some CBDs from Asda yesterday, too impatient to wait for snail mail... and yeah... totally pregnant.

Fortunately me and DH managed to sit down last night and go through a list of pros and cons I'd come up with, and for every bad thing I had come up with it turned out there was a solution.

I feel so silly and guilty for feeling ambivalent. Of course I want this baby. It's perfect timing so nobody will even suspect. And as for sleeping arrangements, DH pointed out we'll just use the travel cot. Been using it as a playpen for so long forgot that's what it was!

Only real fly in the ointment then is the lack of folic acid. It's going to be a long 8 weeks until that first scan to see if they're ok...

Other than that it's business as usual. Got most of the drawing done on the walls in Phoebe's room, start painting this weekend. Eek! Hope I can get it all done!

OMG!!!!! smilegrinshock Rusulka fab news am so pleased for you (and a little jealous, I love that BFP feeling!) march is such a lovely time for a baby too. Spring babies are ace (although dealing with a 12 week old in this heat is hell!!)

If I get a chance I'll update later in the week!! But YEY!!! And don't worry about having mixed feelings about it. You are bound to be a bit overwhelmed by it all plus those pregnancy hormones surging through your body. As for the folic acid, think of all those women who drink, smoke and take drugs throughout their pregnancies - I doubt they take folic acid so you should be fine. Just keep taking it from now on. Keep us updated though. I'm sooooo pleased and excited for you!! smilethanks

Rusulka Fri 12-Jul-13 12:52:37

Thanks Moo. smile How is Elinor doing?

Still a little bit in denial I think. Can't believe we did it first go this time- almost an anticlimax as we really weren't expecting it, I only tested on a whim...

Feel a bit cheated out of all the condom-free sex I was looking forward to, will have to be careful to avoid bleeding like last time, and I just don't think DH will have as much drive to do it if we aren't trying.

Ah well, we'll wait and see.

Discolite Sun 14-Jul-13 21:12:56

Rus!

WOW! Congratulations! I'm really really happy for you. Don't worry about having mixed feelings, hormones etc are probably clouding things.

As for the boy/girl issue, my boy is totally gorgeous and lovely...and I wanted a girl deep down. I am very satisfied with my baby and you will be too, no matter what gender your new baby turns out to be.

What will the age gap be between Phoebe and RusBabe no.2? I'm too sleep deprived to work it out. March is also a very good time to have a baby, at least it is when it isn't the coldest one on record like it was this year!

Moo, please give us an Elinor update, I need to know how things are with you and your little baby!

How are Count and Lil?

Alec is happy despite lots of travelling for my hen night. I left him for the first time last night (only from 5pm til 10pm but still!) I defrosted four lots of milk for him but he only had half a one and refused to feed from the bottle when I got back so I had to give him the semi alcoholic milk from the source...he didn't complain. I"m a bit worried about the wedding though in case he does the same thing. I really can't get out of my dress so he'll have to cope with the bottle.

Hello ladies......right time for a very much overdue update from me.

Elinor (we call her Elly for short) is now almost 13 weeks old. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. It's not been easy though. In the early days she suffered with oral thrush (although that was dealt with fairly swiftly), then we had a rough couple of nights when she was around 8 weeks, screaming constantly for 2 nights. Took her to hospital as I was convinced that she had silent reflux and needed a prescription for Gaviscon. Sure enough my suspicions were confirmed and she was given both Gaviscon and Ranitidine. Both worked wonders and she finished the course of Ranitidine and we still occasionally offer the Gaviscon, although she seems completely fine with that now. Administering the Gavison is a complete nightmare as I am still exclusively breastfeeding her so can't put it into a bottle and she does scream whilst I try and feed it her. A quick cuddle afterwards though and she is fine.

She had her second lot of jabs last week and was weighed again. Now a healthy 14lbs 5oz so we are pleased with her progress and I have to say that she deals with the injections brilliantly. Only a little whimper and then she's fine.

With regards to her development she is doing fantastically; she has learnt to grab and hold onto things, tries to push up with her legs at every opportunity and is also really trying to sit up. We are all amazed at this because even the doctor said that she is a little young to be attempting that, but she saw the evidence with her own eyes so can't deny it. She also chuckles, smiles and jabbers like it's about to go out of fashion. The only thing she's not that keen on at the moment is tummy time and rolling over, but I am sure these will come in time.

On a less positive note though, she has started teething and has become very fretful. We really struggle with this as she is so young and doesn't really understand the concept of teething rings. We are doing our best to apply bonjela and give her some calpol when things get really bad, but it's affecting her sleep pattern especially at night. We were getting a good 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep from her, she'd be down by 8ish and sleep through until about 1 or 2 in the morning, but now we are lucky if she is down by 9:30pm. I don't think this heat is helping either though; our room gets to 28 degrees as it's south facing. We have bought some black out blinds so going to have to close the bedroom window (the blinds stick to the glass so that we can take them with us when visiting family or holidays) and hope that we can fool her into getting to bed earlier. The evening routine has not changed and we are starting to think that we are doing something wrong (any hints and tips all gratefully appreciated smile)

Disco well done on getting out for your hen do, hope you had a fab time. When's the wedding? Bet you are really excited now!!! I also left Elly for the first time at the weekend as I also had a hen do for a very close friend, and as I am one of the bridesmaids I couldn't say no. I too only left Elly from 5-10pm but it was heart wrenching.

Little one is still snoozing so I am going to take this opportunity to have a stress free shower before she wakes up demanding the boob smile

Will try and upload some pics of her soon.

Enjoy the fine weather!!!

Rusulka Mon 15-Jul-13 10:48:58

Disco the gap would be about 18-19 months. Which is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for, and of course I'll be thrilled if it's a boy (my dad had 2 girls, he would pee himself with delight!). Plus their bits have just GOT to be easier to clean a poonami out of...
My concern with the boy thing would be that I can't guarantee that no.3 would be a girl, and it's a real stonkingly awesome name... I am NOT using it for a pet! grin

Glad Alec is getting on ok, I'm sure he'll get used to a bottle, at least for your wedding. Don't stress, it will all be fine!

Moo sounds like things were pretty hectic with poor little Elly to begin with, but glad everything is sorted now. I find dentinox teething gel is great for Phoebe, and when that doesn't work, then calpol as a last resort usually does the trick. Maybe the gaviscon will get easier once you can give her water, but I found that Phoebe's reflux just stopped once she got past a certain age. Wish I could remember what it was, sorry! blush

Phoebe has not been going to bed on time at all during this hot weather spell, and she's usually an 8:30 til 8:00 kind of baby (so grateful) but at the moment it's more like we put her to bed at 9, she kicks off after 15 minutes because she's too hot, so DH tries to soothe her back to sleep on his chest, which is great til he puts her down, then she screams, then she comes downstairs with us til we go to bed, where she bounces up and down vigorously on one or both of us, laughs hysterically while climbing the pillow mountain to the headboard, and we just kind of wait for her energy to dissipate, get her to sleep, then pop her in her cot. (Phew!)
As of today, she has 6 teeth, the front 4 are well out, and the 2 either side of her top fronts have just broken the surface in the last few days. She's pointing and waving, and will give you a kiss if you're lucky (although if she's being lazy, you just get a head-butt, lol.)

This weather is just awesome for drying nappies though.

The bedroom is progressing-ish, DH's 3rd day off today, but I've only got the sky painted (it's really f**king dark blue, shit!)
DH's sister has been over every day for the past few days as she's on maternity leave now, but really struggling with her anxiety which has just ballooned out of all proportion thanks to her hormones, and she really doesn't want to be by herself... company for DH while I'm painting, but man, I miss having time to ourselves.

Ah well, on with the slog. Think I shall paint some foliage today. Go green!

Discolite Mon 15-Jul-13 12:00:59

Hi Moo!

Elinor sounds lovely and very advanced! The teething is right nightmare though, Alec has had two bouts of it so far. It does stop eventually but there isn't that much you can do except for bonjela/teething granules etc etc. Even now he is old enough to have the teething ring (MAM do a very light and small one suitable for little babies) he doesn't use it that much. The best thing I found was distraction. He likes lying on the bed and reading books with me, that can keep him occupied for ages. The main thing to remember is that it does get better eventually and you'll have your happy baby back.

Well done on getting the reflux sorted, you avoided a lot of pain for her by diagnosing it so quickly!

Rus, my sister and I have 19 months between us and it worked for us! How many do you want to have in total? I can't believe Alec will have teeth one day, it seems crazy...and sitting up and walking and and and...all I want him to do at the moment is roll, it seems like every other baby in the world can do it but he hasn't yet.

Sorry for a personal question but had your periods come back? And how did it tie in with breastfeeding? I want a short gap between babies too and am concerned I"ll have to wean before I want to if my periods are going to start again.

I'm feeling a bit fragile atm, feeling anxious etc. I'm hoping it's just the wedding stressing me out. I hate organising things.

Rusulka Mon 15-Jul-13 22:24:23

Disco ideally we'd like 3, but we'll just have to wait and see what we get, I guess.
My periods came back I think 3 months after having Phoebe because of having bottles as well. I think it was when she dropped to 5 feeds. I was gutted! And only 6 weeks after the lochia stopped... angry

I think when Alec starts dropping feeds your periods will come back- hope yours are better than mine though, they went from 5 days to 7. Not fun!
I'm pretty sure it's still possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding.
Phoebe has 4 bottles a day atm, so I think even if I was exclusively bf they would have come back by now anyway.

I didn't even get a chance to check when I was ovulating or take any temps! Think it happened because we weren't trying... so freaked out about the folic acid though...

Discolite Sun 21-Jul-13 19:50:10

Rus, thanks for the info about breastfeeding/periods etc. Alec is starting to go a bit longer between feeds - he'll generally feed at 6am, 9am, 1pm, 5pm, 7pm, 10pm, 3am...that's one less feed than a month ago. I think he'd go longer too except it's so hot so the poor little thing must get thirsty. He's 19w now so not long til he can start having some food as well.

How are you finding being pregnant now? Has any sickness kicked in? How pregnant do you think you are? I wouldn't worry too much about the lack of folic acid, I know it's a good thing to take but the rates of neural tube defects in the general population (not taking folic acid) is about 8 per 10,000 so you would have to be pretty unlucky to be affected.

I'm a bit fed up as all my things I get out to in the week are finishing...my postnatal group on a tuesday, baby yoga on a thursday and my yoga on a friday. I need to get out and about and talking to people for my mental health so I'm not sure what to do. Most of the things offered by children's centres are also stopping for the holidays, leaving first time mothers and those with pre-school age children a bit at a loss really!

I've got my hospital appointment tomorrow...my pushing really hard but not getting anywhere phase left me slightly incontinent sad. It has mostly gone away now but I'm worried about the impact of future pregnancies and the ageing process. I've got an ultrasound scan and have to have a very full bladder. Not looking forward to that bit.

Rusulka Mon 29-Jul-13 17:02:45

Disco just back from my parents where I COULDN'T MENTION IT lol, and one night I had a horrible headache which wouldn't go away, and then I woke up in the early hours, drank loads of water, but then felt horribly queasy.... tried to go throw up, thinking the smell of the toilet bowl would set me off (stale urine usually does) but my mum's toilet was too clean! Fortunately later on Phoebe woke up and was climbing over my face so I got a lovely sustained whiff of her overnight nappy, which did the trick, barf. Only brought up water and bile though, so wasn't a stomach upset. Possibly linked to the dehydration headache, but monitoring it in case it's morning sickness- didn't have any with Phoebe, so if I get it then I'm going to assume it's a boy! Lol.
According to my dates and LMP, I'm 7 weeks today. Not really enjoying it at the moment because humping Phoebe around is hard and I can't just let everyone do everything for me or it's suspicious! Seem to be really pulling my stomach a lot though.
My pre-walking baby group at our childrens' centre runs through the holidays, is there anything like that in your area? I don't tend to go to the groups in church halls, but I'm sure they would run through the summer, kids don't hibernate during summer after all! (Shame...)
I'm sure your temporary (think positive!) incontinence will resolve itself- I had similar problems, though maybe not as bad, with front AND back- if I need a poo I have to GO and not 'just finish the washing up', 'just do the bottles', 'just put the washing away' or I wouldn't make it to the loo. Embarrassing sides of pregnancy and labour nobody tells you about! If you get to the point for the ultrasound where you're too full to stand still, just dance around with Alec in your arms, he'll think it's brilliant and it'll take your mind off it! I had to do riverdance at the last scan, it was bloody awful, lol.

In other news, I had a hospital appt today for the old bum problem- this time I didn't get the consultant, I got his registrar, who contradicted everything the other guy said (I WAS washing it right, oh, and yes, I DO need surgery) which is obviously all a bit shit timing what with being pregnant. Basically they took a swab to check what bacteria was living in there (yummy) and I'm to have different dressings. I can try vacuum dressings if I want, but I have to try antiseptic packing first. If there's an infection, I guess I get antibiotics... and if I need surgery, they can either do that after I have the baby (oh god, not again) or during the 2nd trimester. It has to be general anaesthetic. If they ask what my preference is, I'm tempted to say during pg, assuming no risks to baby.

Sigh...

Got my booking in appt in 2 weeks, should get my previous midwife who was awesome and had a similar sense of humour, will see what she thinks about the whole thing.

At least I've got my nurse's appt tomorrow so I can ask for a prescription for the new dressings.

Apart from that, not much going on in Rusulka land. Got to go make tea, we're picking up FiL who's coming over to smother Phoebe in hugs, have tea, and play carcassonne, which DH got for his birthday in an epic 9 expansion pack, and has been obsessed with ever since.

Cheery byes!

Rusulka Thu 01-Aug-13 11:51:35

Hey ladies,

Hope you're all coping ok with your little ones in this stupid can't-make-it's-mind-up weather.

2 letters from the hospital for me today- my nuchal scan appt on 3rd September, and an appt for the bum clinic on 4th November.

Really thrilled that they've come through already, feel like things are being handled much more competently, lol.

In other news, or rather the same news, me and DH had a good old chat because I was a bit distraught after Monday's appt. I don't want to have a fresh operation site with a newborn, compromised milk supply and difficulty bonding again, I won't do it. But I felt like the only alternative was surgery during pregnancy, which would put the baby at risk. Selfish bitch. You can imagine how I felt!

Anyway, DH pointed out that having surgery after I have the baby doesn't mean having it immediately- so our current plan if I need surgery is to wait until 6 weeks after the birth, assuming all goes well- and then if I have to have an episiotomy again, at least I can sit on my bum, and by the 6 week mark the lochia will have stopped, and I'll be all healed, and hopefully have established a good feeding routine, so my milk won't be affected. In the meantime, we try the new packing, and hopefully a vac dressing. The doctor told me it would be inconvenient because I would need to carry the battery pack around in my armpit- typical man, oblivious of the handbag option, lol.

Anyway, feeling a lot more positive about things, and off to play Smallworld with DH before weighing Phoebe.

Take care! X

Rusulka Mon 05-Aug-13 19:29:59

So, my SiL had her baby early yesterday, 6lb 2oz but I think 5lb of that is her head, she's excruciatingly small and looks like a pickled walnut with bug eyes, they're massive.
Can't believe Phoebe was ever that small. don't think she was...

So over the next few weeks, I'll be dashing backwards and forwards, helping but not helping too much And she had a caesarean, which means I get a car for the next few weeks (whoop!)

And by the time they get in a lovely routine, and she's a month old, it'll be Phoebe's birthday and we'll be telling them about Pickle, assuming 12 week scan is ok. Can't wait!

How's everyone else doing?

Discolite Tue 06-Aug-13 15:49:35

Ooh, congratulations Auntie Rus! 6lb 2oz is wee indeed, I was 6lb 4oz but am a fairly normal size now at least.

Must be a bit odd to see a newborn again! When I see them out and about they seem absolutely tiny.

How are you feeling now? Any sickness yet? Hope not!

I'm getting married on Saturday. I'm sat here making my seating plan sign and it's taken me hours so far...just glad I have experience doing displays at school as I think I'd be tearing my hair out otherwise.

Mum has the baby luckily as I find it very hard to get anything done otherwise!

Right,better get on with my to-do-list...reserved signs for seats next, then signs for guests to help locate the wedding. Fun!

Lilliana Thu 08-Aug-13 17:09:59

Wow congratulations Rus!! gringrin So pleased for you. Don't worry about FA, my cousin didn't know she was pg until 4 months so didn't have chance to take it before or for the first tri and no problems there. Sorry to hear your bum is still ongoing but sounds like you have a plan. Try totake it easy and keep us updated - it's reminding me how exciting being pg is.

Sorry I have been awol. Thread dropped off active and Lily keeps me so busy I don't have much time to mn.

Disco I hope you have a great day on Saturday!

Lily is now 8 months, 3 meals a day and still no period hmm

Had her first taster session for nursery today. She seemed to have fun but refused to sleep! She is crawling, climbing and cruising but is hopeless at sleep - will only nap on me and regularly waking through the night. She was better at sleeping when she was a newborn!!

Glad to hear things are generally good for all and will try to keep up better smile

Now off to see what damage the escaped herd of cows has done to the garden!

Rusulka Fri 09-Aug-13 10:05:12

Ooh Disco exciting!
Hope you have an awesome day tomorrow, I'm sure all the hard work will be worth it and once it's over with you can relax...

Actually I have been feeling a bit sick. I did feel queasy for about a week or so, on and off, but at the mo seem to feel sicky whether I eat or dno't eat, and no matter what I eat.
Told my health visitor when I weighed Phoebe last week and she said with absolute conviction that it must be a boy, lol.
That would be DH happy, he wants the middle one to be a boy so we avoid middle child syndrome.
What if it's twins??!?!!?"??! EEP!

Lil what a pain your periods haven't come back. Maybe it'll just take a while. My mum said hers stopped for about a year after having my sister, and for most of that she wasn't b/f at all as her milk dried up and she switched to formula. I don't think it means you can't get pregnant though. Worth peeing on some o sticks to check?
If it makes you feel better, Phoebe won't nap anywhere except in a lap either- sometimes if I'm lucky I can slide her onto the sofa next to me and be hands-free for a bit.

Well, I have finally had a cuddle with the lighter than air baby, fairly sure she's 90% helium.
Apparently I sat down with her in my arms and Phoebe's face was a picture, DH said. Sheer panic, wtf and jealousy, we think.
What hope do we have of her being ok with Pickle? Lol.
She's been clingy and possessive ever since, cries and screams when I go to the kitchen, even though it's in plain view of the living room. I thnik she thinks I'm leaving her. sad
My mum said when they were expecting my sister, I knew I had a playmate who was coming and used to talk to and cuddle the bump- but I was 2 going on 3 and had a better grasp of what was happening, I guess. I don't think Phoebe will be old enough to understand, but hopefully we can at least get across that the baby came from mummy's tummy, and it's the same thing that was kicking her hands and making her giggle.

Booking in appointment on Monday, DH has a 4 day weekend so hoping to get some major painting done on the room, getting sick of nothing happening. Need to blitz it. We've also been sorting through our stuff, chucking it out, setting aside stuff to ebay or charity shop, and getting stuff in the attic to make the house tidier. Starting to think DH likes being up there more than being down here, lol!

Phoebe is trying to kill my laptop with a wooden block and I need to do the bottles, so better skedaddle.

Good luck with the pesky cows Lil I seem to have had a fox come in, rip a branch off my apple tree, bite the apples, find them unsatisfactory, and then crap near my rotary airer as a protest. Hmm.

Rusulka Tue 13-Aug-13 12:48:24

OK, so I have to share this because it's hilarious.

Was just mooching on the internet reading bilge articles and whatnot, and came across one mentioning whatever pregnant celebrity it was getting a push present from their partner.
The whole concept is so funny to me, I say to DH merely the words 'push present' thinking he'll get it straight away, because what else would it be?

'Eurgh!' he says, and wrinkles his nose in disgust, 'that's horrible!'
...
'Umm, I don't think you've got the right end of the stick. What do you think it is?'
...
'Well, it's a poo, isn't it?'
...
rofl.

In other news, had my booking in appt with the midwife yesterday, who opened her door and just stood there with her hands on her hips looking at us with a mock disapproving look on her face. I did say it would be a year...
Anyhoo, this time her scales weighed me as half a stone lighter, as opposed to half a stone heavier like last time, which was nice, but I still come up as obese (boo hiss).
The mental thing came up, and she said because of what happened last time, I'll likely be referred to a consultant for mental ladies, even though I tried to explain it was feasibly my OCD acting up as opposed to post-natal psychosis, which is what everyone thinks it was. Which is a pisser, but hopefully that one consultant will cover the extra appts for being fat as well as loony, so not too much of a faff. It means more support if I do have any issues, which can only be a good thing. Won't see midwife again until 11th November, at which point I'll be 22 weeks! Hardly seems feasible. Hee, ridiculous me. Anyhoo, got to make lunch. Take care.

Lilliana Wed 14-Aug-13 11:13:06

Mrs Disco I hope you had an amazing wedding and everything went as you hoped x

Ha ha Rus! Sorry to hear about the mental thing cropping up again already but as you said it is more support for you in the long run. Are they banging on about the weight as much this time or has the loss made them less twitchy? Any chance of having the MWunit this time?

What's your due date and how old will Phoebe be when you have the LO? Apparently they all go through a clingy stage so maybe she will be out of it by the time baby arrives. If not babies adapt fairly quickly so I'm sure it won't be a major problem.

I'm quite glad no periods - definitely not wanting another yet and it's one less hassle every month!!!

Currently I'm trying to get my non sleeper off to sleep in her cot - she is not keen on sleeping anywhere but me still although she will sometimes make do with the buggy or car seat! sad At night she will go in the cot but wakes at least twice although I have pretty much managed to stop the night feeds now - small successes mean so much!

Anyway wish me luck!

Rusulka Sun 18-Aug-13 20:03:03

Echoing congrats for Mrs Disco and hope everything went according to plan.

Lil I didn't even bother asking about the MLU, I'd have to have lost 4 stone for them to even consider it... And I think the weight thing is being far far overshadowed by the mental freak thing, so woo. Guess I can look forward to fortnightly appointments in shiny white rooms at the hospital. sad

Feeling a bit down today. Well, more like downright fucking angry.

Have been trying to support SiL as best as possible, but it's been really hard.
When we saw them in hospital she was on the same ward, and in the same bed in the room as me- different room, but they all look the same, so it was a bit of a jolt. Really hard to keep it together and ended up crying my eyes out and shaking in the corridor. It was just so horrible being back there, and that wasn't even the labour ward... I'm going to be a mess if I have to go there again.
Anyway, she's been suffering with her own mental issues, anxiety and other stuff, and ringing up and crying and freaking out so we've had to talk to her and try to calm her down, which I've been doing the brunt of, since DH doesn't get it, and he didn't handle me properly. He did say after hearing me deal with her that he was sorry he wasn't better in looking after me so at least that's something.
But now, she needs counselling or something, and they've said the quickest way to get it for her is to go through social services, so now she's freaking out they'll take the baby away, which is so not what I need to be helping her with right now. It's still really raw for me, and I'm angry. She's being handled with kid gloves and I was treated really roughly by everyone involved, including DH. I can't be reliving this again when I never got any help in dealing with it myself.
She also said she called her dad one night in the early hours because they 'weren't coping' so he went over and looked after the baby so they could sleep and I just felt so angry. We didn't do that. We didn't lean on people as much as she is, we got on with it. Being first time parents is fucking hard, but it's your responsibility and nobody else's.
Dh doesn't agree with me and says I'm being really mean to her when she's having a hard time.
Hard time?
She didn't have to go through labour, didn't have to have her downstairs cut open so she couldn't even sit and hold her baby, didn't get dragged away from her baby for an op the day after she had her, doesn't have an open unhealing wound on her arse stopping her having a bath or shower whenever she needs one, has her partner off for a month, which I didn't... I just feel so full of impotent rage right now. DH says I should be angry at what happened to me, not what's not happening to her, but I can't help but feel he's refusing to see things from my point of view.
We've just had a massive argument and I've stormed off to the 'forest' for some peace, but Phoebe is crying her eyes out downstairs, probably because she wants a cuddle.
We haven't had sex for ages because either DH is too tired or his leg or back or feet hurt, or he's upset or angry with me and doesn't want to, and I feel like we're drifting further and further apart, which makes me snap, which makes him hate me, not want to have sex, etc etc.

I don't want to deal with her shit. I'm not a trained therapist. I didn't get any help myself. Why should she have it easy? Why should everyone magically fix everything for her and make it better? I'm still struggling with what happened to me, and it's like she's completely forgotten I have any problems because all she can see is herself. She didn't help us at all when we had Phoebe. I didn't leave the house for a month. She went out after 6 days and took the baby to Bluewater.

Maybe I'm being unfair. Am I being unreasonable? I don't want everyone telling me I have no right to feel this way and just expect me to get on. I just want to enjoy my child's company, take her to the park, and have my poor little head be empty of all this anguish and suffering.

Also I could feel Peanut by now and I can't feel Pickle. There's a swelling on my left side, so naturally this is either ectopic or a cyst on my ovary. I'm terrified it's stopped growing, I'll get to the scan and they'll have to 'manage' it. I don't have any feeling about the sex either. I bet it's gone wrong. sad

Sorry for the long, whingeing post, not in a very good place right now.

Lilliana Sun 18-Aug-13 21:16:36

Oh rus ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) you are not being unreasonable to feel the way you do. I'm on my phone so can't respond properly as rubbish typing on it but couldn't leave you without giving you a much needed hug.

If it helps things are a bit rubbish with me and Dh too. Will get on the computer tomorrow. Look after yourself and I'm sure pickle is ok. Every pregnancy is different - maybe it's a sign it's a boy . Take care xxx

Massive congratulations to Disco. Hope you had a fabulous day and are enjoying a lovely honeymoon smile

Rusulka you are not being unreasonable at all. As first time mums we all know how bloody hard it is to deal with a a tiny person that is so wholly dependant upon you. I have spent more time crying in the last 18 weeks than I have my entire life. No-one can tell you how difficult and rewarding motherhood can be, i have nearly lost my mind on several occasions. So for your SiL to be so demanding of everyone is very unreasonable on her. And shame on your DH for not being more supportive to your needs. He of all people should know what you are going through and how strong you were considering everything that happened to you.

Did your SiL have an elective caesarean? If so then I agree that she needs to man up a bit, but if it was an emergency then I can sympathise with her a bit. I felt like i had been run over by a lorry after my c-section, and after going through the entire labour I also felt a bit of failure, but was just glad that podgina arrived safely.

All this stress is not good for pickle though - please be kind to yourself you have Phoebe and pickle to think of now; bugger SiL and her feeble woes!! She just has to get on with it like every other new mother out there. If you are worried about pickle though, call the assessment unit or your midwife. They should see you if you think that there is a problem. Remember, every pregnancy is different and it could just be that you are more aware of everything this time around. I am sure everything will be fine.

As for the no sex thing, if it's any consolation at all, DH and I have not had sex for over a year shock the last time we were close was when we conceived Elly and what with the horrendous morning sickness, my examination for work at Christmas and then being too huge and feeling unattractive we've just abstained. Now Elly is here, I feel even more unattractive and I am so tired I just simply don't have the energy. Things will get back on track for you I am sure. Maybe your DH is just worried after what happened in your last pregnancy and does not want to aggravate that again.

Lil hope everything is ok with you and your DH. Having children can be a strain but we have to be strong and the sensible, mature part of the relationship. I am sure everything will work itself out.

Can't believe my little podgina is almost 18 weeks. She's not really mastered rolling over yet, she can't seem to work out what to do with one of her arms. She is trying to sit up though. She's desperate to do it, such a little nosey parker though. I took her swimming last week, and although she didn't complain, I think it was all a bit overwhelming for her as there were lots of parents and babies for her to nose at. Hoping to start weaning her this week as well (if i can sort out a high chair) as she seems more interested in our food than her milk and is always putting things in her mouth (in fact everything she picks up goes straight to the mouth). Just going to start her on some baby rice and take it from there.

Right, the munchkin has awoken from her morning nap. Off I go for our morning walk. Catch up soon smile

Lilliana Mon 19-Aug-13 10:21:35

Right I'm on a keyboard I can actually use! Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

It is great for your SIL that she is getting lots of support from her family but that does not mean that you are at all wrong for feeling resentful that you were not given the same much needed support when you really needed it, especially from your DH sad It sounds like you are being lovely helping her but unfortunately it is probably not the best thing for your well being and you need to put you, Pickle and Phoebe first at the moment. Are you able to distance yourself? It sounds like she has support from ILs so it's not like you are abandoning her.

When is your scan? Please don't worry about Pickle - you have enough on your plate. Is there any chance of getting an early one or can you afford to have it done privately to reassure you? We paid for one with Lily and there seem to be lots of places that do them.

I agree it seems that your poor head needs emptying and it sounds like you need to tackle some hospital issues before you have pickle. Did you have a debrief type thing afterwards? I don't know anything about it but have read on mn about people having sessions after a difficult birth experience to put the daemons to bed as it were. Maybe talk to your MW to discuss how you could be reassured and what they can do to help you regain confidence in the hospital etc. (Sorry if this is crap or you have done it already)

You are not a mental freak but if you do have some sessions with someone it could be a good time to get some of your feelings off your chest and clear out your head.

Crap wrote a huge paragraph and managed to delete it sad

I hope this experience has made your DH realise that he did not support you well enough when you had Phoebe and he will step up when pickle is born. Me and Dh are having a similar rocky time with arguments and almost walking out. Much as we love them and wouldn't change them for the world babies change your priorities and lifestyle and I guess that has a natural knock on to your relationship.We have decided that the bottom line is we both love Lily and would do anything for her and we both love each other and want to be together, we just need to readjust and get through the sleep deprivation and crap mat pay! Sex has also been a big issue and I felt the same - that we were drifting further and further apart, but clearly you are doing better than us as you obviously have manged to have sex! grin

Anyway sorry for all the drivel, hope some of it makes some sense. We are always here for you to moan, shout, rant, cry at xxxxx

Rusulka Sat 24-Aug-13 17:24:53

Hey ladies, thanks for all the support. smile

It's really great to have you to talk to.
Not feeling as bad as I was then but am feeling bad again now, had a few wobbly days.
Took Phoebe to a new baby group yesterday but felt ignored and didn't really know anyone, then left early, saw my midwife was in, turned out she was free, and well, cried all over her, lol. Bless her she had a listen for me, even though I'm only just nearly 11 weeks, didn't hear anything, but she referred me to EPU and I've got a scan tomorrow at 1230. Shitting bricks tbh. Terrified it's going to be bad news... and it's our wedding anniversary. sad

But at least we'll know sooner rather than right before Phoebe's birthday and everyone descending on us.

DH is being great at the mo, and he does understand that he didn't support me in the way I needed, but as he points out, he was just scared they were going to take Phoebe away and he didn't know what to do. He was going out of his mind too.
He's got 5 days off over the weekend, so hopefully we'll have some quality time together and I'll get some painting done. Have spent the day drawing MORE stuff on the walls, so we are getting there, s l o w l y .

Lil sorry to hear you and DH are having grumps, it does get easier.

Moo sorry to hear you don't feel attractive. I'm quite lucky in that I was a semi-shapeless blob before I had Phoebe so I don't actually look any different, and I was already covered in stretch marks. It will get better! Great that you took your little one swimming, can't wait to take Phoebe.

In other news, my bum seems to be healing... not holding my breath or anything, but the tissue inside is now almost level with the surface, so it looks like the cleaning everyday and new dressings have helped. Fingers crossed. I can now lie back in bed without being in pain, I think it's a minor miracle! grin

Right, I have to go feed me, Phoebe and DH. She's having what we have now instead of jars, as theyrandomly gave her the shits for a week, lol!

Lilliana Sat 24-Aug-13 21:45:45

Rus so glad you have a scan tomorrow, I'm sure all is fine and have everything crossed for you but you will feel much better with the reassurance. Great news the bum is healing finally and DH is being supportive. Enjoy the time together and don't spend all of it painting! Look after yourself

Moo glad Elly is coming on so well. Don't worry about what you look like, you have grown a person inside you which is amazing. Lily has definitely changed my body for the worse but I truly don't care, she is worth every stretch and sag and if DH doesn't appreciate that it's his problem!

Lily is now off across the room with her vtech walker thing and getting more independent by the minute! I can't believe she will be 9 months next week.

Hope everyone else is ok. Rus let us know the outcome of the scan as soon as you can. We are always here for you xxx

Rusulka Mon 26-Aug-13 16:50:29

Hey,

The scan went fine, another internal one, really glad I bothered drinking 2 massive beakers of squash beforehand, especially as they were running 45 minutes late!

Pickle is ok, was moving around and did us a little wiggle, which was nice, sonographer said everything looks fine, including ovaries... best anniversary present ever. smile
Does look like Pickle is another anterior placenta though. Argh! Is it because I sleep on my front?!?!?! Bit gutted, was hoping it would be different. Don't want another back to back labour!

And at the end she printed us off a pic, which I totally wasn't expecting, so I have something to look at which is nice.

I'm still a bit Mrs Angry Pants today, but I was rushing round all morning getting stuff ready to go visit SiL and felt like DH was just sat at his laptop, but as he keeps reminding me, if I want him to do something, I have to tell him explicitly, not just drop subtle hints, like 'the washing needs doing'. Men!

Lil can't believe Lily is 9 months already!
We found one of the calendars we did for family of Phoebe, and were looking through with bogglement at the baby that was blatantly not Phoebe. It was staggering how much she's changed. I can't believe she ever didn't look like Phoebe, but she really looks like a little girl now. Will have to do one of those picture frames of every month over the year, to show how much she's changed...

Right. I did no work on the room yesterday, so must crack on now that we're back... except I've got to go make tea in 10 mins. Hmm. Maybe I could at least get the birds nest drawn...

Rusulka Wed 04-Sep-13 09:59:00

Hello!

Had 12 week scan yesterday, all ok and nuchal fold measuring fine, Pickle jiggling away like they had ants in their pants. Tried to look for the nub but couldn't really see it or even distinguish it from the hip bone tbh, so no idea if Pickle is a hickle or a shickle. Guess we'll just have to wait til next time...
Room is not progressing well. It's taken 3 days just to paint one colour of woodgrain on half the trees. At this rate, I'll get the trees done by her birthday, but nothing else. Bit gutted, and really wish I'd started sooner.
Trying to do other things in between woodgrain so there's more colouring in happening, but it's really slow going.
Oh well, it's ready when it's ready.

Having Phoebe's birthday tea on Tuesday, can't believe she's nearly one! Everyone is coming apart from my sister and her bf, who are in Coventry and working, and my FiL who has a school thing that night and obviously thinks that's more important (arse).

Just hope my dad can keep himself from tearing into MiL's jugular...

Hope you're all well, will update and let you know if there was any bloodshed, lol.

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