To want to strangle Super Nanny?

(78 Posts)
HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 10:05:24

Don't get me wrong, I love JoJo and have extensively watched her shows but rapid return with your own child in the middle of the night is so frustrating and not half as easy as watching her and her clients do it on tv. After nearly 3 hours my DS aged 2.3 finally went to sleep. DS, DH and I are exhausted. Just hope it takes less time tonight as promised by S Nanny as I will hunt her down and ......

yellowsheep Tue 26-Feb-13 10:07:10

worked with mine first night was hell second night ok third night was worse fourth fith sixth night not to bad now he sleeps 730 till 7 smile

keep with it smile

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 26-Feb-13 10:07:20

I feel for you...it is tough.

But then that's how she makes money. If it was easy, nobody would need her advice - and she wouldn't earn a fortune actually doing it for other people.

It is worth baring with it. Although it's horrible, I had to live on Pro Plus for a few days and it makes you feel evil.

StuntGirl Tue 26-Feb-13 10:26:17

Remember it's edited on tv. What happens in minutes on there will have actually taken a few hours in reality!

The key is consistency. Well done for perservering last night, hopefully it won't take as long tonight!

mrsjay Tue 26-Feb-13 10:30:26

I can remember a time before super nanny and you just did what you did with your children it was bliss grin I should write a book life before the naughty step wink although keep at it OP putting them back does work eventually cos they are so bored of it they go to sleep some children are more stubborn or others, it took me 4 months to get my dd to stay in bed and asleep at that age <rolls eyes>

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 26-Feb-13 12:06:03

despise super nanny, she would have kittens if she saw the way i dealt with things. but we do what works for us. i do have reward charts, but mine are a bit older so the sleep thing isnt really an issue. keep at it, dont watch super nanny smile

HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 12:19:25

DS has slept thru for ages, always gone straight to sleep and hardly woken in the night. This makes his recent behaviour at nights even more annoying. Hope it doesn't take 4 months asy next LO is due in may.

I do often think I'll look back at my parenting and wished I'd ignored the books and just gone with the flow. I guess I'm too much of a control freak for that though.

Looking forward to when super nanny has her own DC then she'll see how easy it all is!

mrsjay Tue 26-Feb-13 12:21:19

MY dd was just erm strong willed and probably a little spoiled at 2 blush , dd2 was much better and when she went through it it did only take a few nights to sort out,

SirBoobAlot Tue 26-Feb-13 12:23:50

She's vile. She is unqualified, and knows nothing about children, or about human development.

She was challenged recently about her handling of a situation, and took to throwing insults around rather than having a sensible discussion.

I'd like to put her, Gina Ford and Tizzie Hall in a big sac and do as Dara O'Briain suggested doing to homeopaths.

mrsjay Tue 26-Feb-13 12:25:12

who is tizzie hall and why have i not heard anybody complain about her I do love to bash a 'child care expert' grin

SirBoobAlot Tue 26-Feb-13 12:30:18

Ooh Mrsjay you'll enjoy her in that case. She's a fucking idiot so-called 'sleep trainer' etc, did the "Save Our Sleep" bollocks. Another one again, who knows nothing about children.

mrsjay Tue 26-Feb-13 12:31:09

oh I will have a google

Smudging Tue 26-Feb-13 12:35:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CressidaFitass Tue 26-Feb-13 12:57:31

If you are a calm, serene person chances are at least one of your DCs is the same so sleep etc is a simple achievement.

If you are a highwired person DCs will be too prob and thus calming, sleeping etc will be v hard.

Somehow the parents' temperaments never enter discussions about child rearing which is daft.

I'm with SirBoob on this one. There's another dreadful one too but I can't recall her name atm. Has a nasty habit of blocking anyone who asks questions about her methods.

Viviennemary Tue 26-Feb-13 13:10:58

I think fair enough do what works for you. Or maybe your children have only the odd moments of being difficult. But some of these kids in the programme are completely out of control and are making their parents lives a total misery. And aren't even that happy themselves. So I think there is a place for Super Nanny. If

forgetmenots Tue 26-Feb-13 13:11:00

I am expecting dc1 and started reading the Baby Whisperer- on recommendation of friends that are mums - and it seemed mostly very sensible to me, more about responding to your baby than a blanket solution. Is Tracey Hogg te exception or does she go in the sack? smile

LeftMeInSuspenders Tue 26-Feb-13 13:15:03

My eldest DD was very hard work at age 2.
When she went through the stage of getting out of bed, I followed the rapid return advice by Super Nanny. It worked brilliantly. By the fourth night she didn't get out of bed at all and never has ever since (now aged 8).

HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 13:17:03

I liked Tracey Hogg the best of all the books I read however her softly softly approach would take too long to get DS to stay in bed at night I think.

I think that these so-called 'experts' can be useful occasionally but they fail to allow for individuality. SuperNanny for example is of the opinion that all babies can be trained to sleep through by 3 months - what bollocks that is!

If they said "This method can help some babies but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work" I'd have more respect for them. But then I guess they wouldn't make so much money from desperate parents.

SirBoobAlot Tue 26-Feb-13 15:53:12

Thing is if children are getting out of bed etc when they hadn't before hand, then there is a reason. My three year old is currently coming in to me at 2am, and I know it's because he's anxious that I'm having an operation this week. He wants a cuddle, and wants to be reassured.

And the identifying the reasons why children's behaviors change is where these 'experts' are lacking, IMO.

mrsjay Tue 26-Feb-13 17:05:38

And the identifying the reasons why children's behaviors change is where these 'experts' are lacking,

I agree with you a lot of it is trying to find a solution and I think you need to find the reason first it is difficult with little children though they cant say what is wrong we need to be detective at 2 am grin

LayMizzRarb Tue 26-Feb-13 17:45:40

I wouldn't want her to have any involvement in teaching my children how to speak. The way she calls all the mums Gel, and Mis pronounces so many words like knifes instead of knives, and says youse makes my teeth itch.

HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:42:03

Here we go again...20 mins in and no luck yet. Dd fast asleep....good girl. Dinner ready so just waiting for DS (--devil not darling--) to settle so we can eat and get some sleep ourselves. Sooooo frustrating...

Iggly Tue 26-Feb-13 19:45:49

He's at that age where they get unsettled, start to worry about the dark etc so are unsettled...

HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:51:17

Having medicinal wine despite bring pregnant. He's not scared just trying it on. Obviously when he wakes in the night he may be scared. He's settle straight away if I got in bed with him but with another baby on the way I can't fall into that bad habit, esp if I ever want any sleep again.

Sailormercury Tue 26-Feb-13 19:57:00

Strangling Super Nanny is anassabtable grin

McNewPants2013 Tue 26-Feb-13 19:59:46

I would love super nanny to get my son to sleep all night, he functions on very little sleep. 5 hours max per night.

www.beyondsupernanny.com

Might be helpful?

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 26-Feb-13 20:11:05

I could never master the norty step. It just seemed to involve actually fighting with ds to make him sit on it. It totally enraged him, and escalated the situation.
Instead, I just gave myself time out (went in my room and shut the door) which he HATED so, that's what I did. Meant I could go and calm down too.
Do whatever works I reckon.

HenD19 Tue 26-Feb-13 20:25:52

He's asleep! Not too bad I suppose. Out of bed about 20 times and asleep after settling on his own after 40 mins. Just got to tackle any night wakings now. Will have a look at beyondsupernanny website.

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 07:16:48

Result! Well kind of. He woke at 12, 2 and 4.30 which is not great but I put him straight back to bed, twice and midnight and once the other times and he went back to sleep! Just need to work on going to bed and sleeping thru. Still exhausted!

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Feb-13 07:22:09

sirboobalot in agreement.
Btw what was dara's suggestion about charlatan snake oil merchants homeopaths?

LadyKinbote Wed 27-Feb-13 07:33:00

I've always found Jo Frost / Supernanny the most useful of the 'experts' but I suspect what happens is that you read the books until you find one that sounds similar to your own person parenting style and then go with that one!

Kiwiinkits Wed 27-Feb-13 07:35:50

Hen, we've just been through exactly this issue at exactly the same age. We were putting her back, again and again and again. Then finally it twigged, she was still having 2 or 2.5 hour naps during the day. When we restricted her nap to one hour, bedtime got easier. Then, within 2 weeks (yes, 2 weeks!) the getting up behaviour started again. So I thought, right, I'll see what happens if I cut out her daytime nap altogether. Lo and behold, the child didn't really need her daytime sleep any more. She is growing up sad. She is now back to 7pm bedtime and 7am waking, bliss for everyone. She gets knackered by about 6.30 and by 6.45 she's a mess, but at least she's straight off to sleep at 7.
So perhaps consider dropping daytime nap?

Kiwiinkits Wed 27-Feb-13 07:37:04

BTW I thought Jo Frost's baby book was really good, really gentle and quite helpful. Agree with the above poster that liked Baby Whisperer, we used that one too and it was excellent. Never had any sleep issues, ever, apart from the one mentioned above

Kiwiinkits Wed 27-Feb-13 07:54:14

(I didn't mean that we didn't have any issues because of the Baby Whisperer, btw, I think we got lucky, but I do think the book really helped us with getting the right balance of daytime and nighttime sleep)

Bearbehind Wed 27-Feb-13 07:57:53

I find it interesting that someone feels projecting anxiety about their operation to a 3 year old to the extent that they can't sleep is preferable to some of Jo Frost's techniques...,.

Kiwiinkits Wed 27-Feb-13 08:01:25

LOL at unasseptable

HamAlive Wed 27-Feb-13 08:04:28

Yes, what a shit mother, comforting her anxious child hmm

Children do feel things independently of their parents.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Feb-13 08:15:39

Ok, just looked up dara and the homeopaths. Lol
Hen, I hope you have a better night tonight. You'll get there.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 08:40:34

TBF on jo frost and it sticks in my throat she does equip parents with tools to work with I watched her doing an older kids show extreme parenting or something and she was really good some of the children were really spoiled and out of control , I know I said I dont like childcare experts but I do think some of her style is ok but children dont always follow the rules do they so it wont work for all children

maddening Wed 27-Feb-13 09:03:29

Has he got all the last 4 molars?

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:13:32

Don't think he could cope without a nap yet and I definitely couldn't as he's such a live wire and runs around all day. He only has an hour now as I wake him after that. I know he'll be dropping his day sleep soon so if he carries on waking at night I'll have to see how he goes without. He did sleep for 40mins at 10am one day last week and it made no difference to his night wakings.

He was teething quite badly last week (which obviously didn't help sleep) but not sure if he's got all back teeth yet?

Cherriesarelovely Wed 27-Feb-13 09:16:03

I don't think Jo Frost is the be all and end all but I think saying she "knows nothing about human behaviour and kids" is ridiculous. I'm not saying I would use all of her techniques but I do see her talking alot of sense to alot of stressed, strung out parents. She seems to build a good relationship with the kids and the parents and helps a great deal. I don't think not having kids necessarily means you can't advise others. I have some friends who don't have kids but they work with them or are just brilliant with them anyway.

OneLittleToddleTerror Wed 27-Feb-13 09:19:02

forgetmenots baby whisperer never worked for my DD. That EASY thing is rubbish. DD was such a good sleeper that we were ESESES with no A. I was obsessed trying to keep DD up after E, until I threw the baby whisperer book out. She can't be woken up with nappy changes, tickling feet, clothes change, anything. She's just that good at sleeping. Slept through the night from 2ish months while EBF too.

My DS is 10 (YES 10!!!!) and doesnt go through the night. I am permanently knackered. We have tried absolutely everything!

Massive anxiety problems, no idea how to fix it, am praying he grows out of it before we all go bonkers.

Teahouse Wed 27-Feb-13 09:32:08

Betty...my youngest started sleeping in once the ten years started. I promise in a few years you won't be able to get him out of bed. He didn't sleep through until he was 5 then was on and off until the teens. Now I am lucky to see him before 11 on a Sunday ;0)

Snowme Wed 27-Feb-13 09:52:29

I wouldn't dream of using any kind of regimented training system (especially one devised by a child-less person) to 'control' my child.

I appreciate it's hard to suffer the sleep deprivation and constant attention required by a baby for instance, then get up for work, but this is the price to be paid if you choose/have to return to work.

Having children means sacrificing everything for at least the first 4 years until they start school.

You have to bend to their will,not the other way round. That's how nature intended things. You were given the neccesary pregnancy and childbirth hormones to cope with the sleep loss and round the clock nurture (something child-less nannies for all their practical experience and emotional connection can never replicate).

Then again, I had a very lax approach to upbringing. Possibly due to being a lone parent with no practical support from the father, I don't actually know how it feels to bring up a child as part of a two person team, I suspect it's far easier smile

One of mine slept through the night from birth to teething. The other was fitful. But I worked around their needs always, in every aspect, and I have two well adjusted young children. I'm knackered, but Iwas prepared to put up with that, as Ithought that was whathavingchildren meant, no easy ride at all.
It's been the hardest but most fulfilling job ever.

What was the question? Oh yes, Jo Frost. My kids would be petrified of her I think. I'm sure she's lovely, and would be great for handling teenagers, but she should stick to being tele crumpet. My parenting skills couldn't be more opposite.

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 09:55:27

V jealous onelittletoddleterror! Hoping my next baby is like yours! Can't wait til he lies in! Poor u Betty-sounds horrendous....

OneLittleToddleTerror Wed 27-Feb-13 11:19:50

hend19 she had a terrible time from around 8mo to 15mo. It's a shock when you suddenly have an older baby who no longer sleeps through. But I know I'm lucky with her sleep. But I know it's not because something I did. Babies are just different. I've tried Gina as well, but same result. She just wants her milk/food when she wants it. Same with her sleep. She's still the same now at nearly 2. She gets very very grumpy if she's not in bed by 12 or 6.

To all those who have a child not sleeping. I got shared this yesterday. It's called "This nap is NOT happening"
youtu.be/SS3dHKWVP7Y

SirBoobAlot Wed 27-Feb-13 11:37:51

Bearbehind - oh sod off.

There were complications with my last operation, which he wasn't at all bothered by, and I ended up coming home a day later than was thought. I'm a single mum, so that meant he was with my parents all day, which hadn't been the plan. I've been visiting different hospitals for the last six months, which he is aware of, because again, he either has to come with me, or someone else has to look after him when they wouldn't normally. He also knows that I am poorly because my pain is to the point I cannot get on the floor / cannot have him on my lap for stories / anything else we would normally do.

I am in no way projecting my anxiety, he is anxious. He told me he was anxious about it, and told me exactly what he is worried about - logical three year old concerns. He is very articulate, and I have always focused on allowing him to express himself. We've talked about what's worrying him, and gone over exactly what is going to happen whilst I am in hospital and when I get home.

He is going to sleep normally, and then wanting to come in and cuddle at 2am. We used to co-sleep, then he started preferring his own space, so if he is now coming back into me, I know it's for a reason.

And for you information, I'm fucking terrified. They will be doing anything between blasting away endo to a hysterectomy, and I won't know until I wake up. In front of DS, I've been very practical, and made it an exciting adventure to Nanny's house, to the point that he said to me this morning, "Can you have your operation today please, Mummy, I want to go to my sleepover!". So I'm not projecting. But he is three, and a very aware three, both because he is bright, and because he has seen my heath deteriorating. He wants me to have the operation so we can play again, but is worried because it didn't go to plan last time. Which is entirely understandable.

So you can fuck right off.

Bearbehind Wed 27-Feb-13 12:56:50

sirboobalot you do sound like you are having a shit time and I am sorry if I have upset/ offended you.

I just genuinely found it interesting that you were so dismissive of someone who has made a career from working with children and has cleary helped many people. She obviously has a substantial knowledge of children so even if you don't agree with her methods I don't think she can be dismissed as what she does works for some people.

I suppose the point is everyone is different and deals with things in different ways.

I would like to put Supernanny on the naughty step until she learns to stop 'tawkin' like Chas & Dave grin

SirBoobAlot Wed 27-Feb-13 14:53:16

I'm dismissive of someone who handles situations badly. I also find it incredibly frustrating that she and others like her make their fortunes from dismissing normal child behavior as a problem. Especially small babies.

As parents we often have unrealistic expectations of children, and these people encourage them.

Jo Frost especially has no childcare qualifications, and no children. She has made her money out of frightening children into behaving the way she wants them to - sitting on the naughty step until they apologise?! - and thus not actually looking at the reasons they are behaving that way.

Leadership though force earns you fear, not respect. That is my big issue with her. No one is asking the children what is wrong.

I have tried absolutely everything to get my DS to sleep through the night without calling out.

I have now given up and am waiting for him to grow out of it. I have today ordered him a new bed, a small double bed, to make life more comfortable.

He calls out in the night because he is frightened and anxious and no way am I leaving him feeling like that....might work for some but not for us.

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 27-Feb-13 15:07:57

snowme I don't really think it is a good idea to "bend to your childs will" at all times hmm
Children have to fit in with a family, and learn to fit in with what the world they live in does, i.e sleep at night, do things in the day.
If I bent to ds's will I would be unemployed, living in a house made of chocolate with a 300" TV showing nothing but Cartoon Network 24 hours a day.

I also don't think you necessarily need to sacrifice "everything" until they go to school.
For me, that would have meant sacrificing my sanity (which would happen v. v quickly for me on 4 years of sleep deprivation).
Better a sane (ish) mother and a child who sometimes has to suck it up imo.

I am lucky and my DSs have always slept well (combination of Baby Whisperer and a bit of early evening routine from Gina Ford). But I have a friend who sounds like she is having terrible sleep problems with her 2.5 year old - any suggestions as to which book might be best? She lives abroad and I am seeing her next week. What worked for me is fairly irrelevant for her.

ComposHat Wed 27-Feb-13 15:19:59

She's a loud mouthed moron who knows next to nothing, how she has managed to eek out a TV career on both sides of the Atlantic amazes me.

Most of all I can't stand the way she pronounces acceptable as 'asseptable'

It makes me grind my teeth in horror every time she says it.

OneLittleToddleTerror Wed 27-Feb-13 15:45:53

fedup I have read a lot of them and just adapt to what DD needs. I don't like baby whisperer and gina ford myself. For a toddler, I really like toddler taming. It has a sleep chapter but it's a more general book on how to deal with tantrums. For sleep, the author recommends control crying. But he explained it very well that the key is not let the toddler be hysterical. It's not about increasing the time between going in. DD used to wake up to get into our bed. I've tried CC before but she got so hysterical after 10min. After reading toddler taming's CC technique, I changed to going in every 5-10min instead. And it worked because DD didn't have time to get herself into a right state.

OneLittleToddleTerror Wed 27-Feb-13 15:47:58

But actually at 2.5 years, I assume your friends little one will no longer be in a cot, isn't it? Mine is still in a cot and grobag.

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 19:54:20

38 returns to bed and I didn't particularly stay calm. In the end I sat next to him as was do pissed off with the whole thing and he fell asleep in about 2 mins! I'd experimented with him today by not letting him sleep too. He will def be having a nap tomorrow......exhausted.

cumfy Wed 27-Feb-13 20:55:30

I just had a look at a clip on her website.

Reminds me of why I don't watch TV any more.

LadyKinbote Wed 27-Feb-13 21:25:13

I've always been absolutely convinced Jo Frost had a son! A quick google has proved you all right, she has no children. No idea where the fictitious son came from...

maddening Wed 27-Feb-13 21:30:19

If he normally went to bed ok and has been teething and possibly hasn't finished I would suspect teething - have you tried calpol these nights?

HenD19 Thu 28-Feb-13 13:10:42

Not teething now just being awkward. I sobbed in the night as I'm so tired, I feel I'll, my husband has gone skiing for 5 nights, our extension is stating on Monday and DS was awake and in and out of bed from 2.30-4am. I don't think 'super'nanny's return to bed works....it's a myth.

HenD19 Thu 28-Feb-13 13:11:25

'I'll and 'starting'

HenD19 Thu 28-Feb-13 13:12:20

Aaah 'ill'

Thanks One Toddler Terror - I will see what he's like when I visit, and may send her a copy later!

Kiwiinkits Thu 28-Feb-13 20:48:48

You have to bend to their will,not the other way round.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me...
no wonder you're knackered!

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 14-Mar-13 19:54:31

forgetme, if you are thinking of bfing I'd give Tracy Hogg a miss, she's on the Kellymom: books to avoid list and her feed then activity routine is very counterintuitive for a bf baby. Most will feed to sleep, in fact ats one of the benefits of bfing, you know you can knock them out with a feed.

Try Babycalming by Caroline Deacon instead. I read it before having dc2and she was a very happy and content baby. Only wish I'd read it before having dc1.

forgetmenots Thu 14-Mar-13 20:08:07

Thanks jiltedjohnsjulie (great name!)

The breast feeding part was one of the bits I was going to leave out as I admit I found it a bit hard to process - I was more intrigued by her method of interpreting cries and settling baby. I will definitely check out the one you've recommended though, thanks for the tip!

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 14-Mar-13 20:11:27

Has the baby arrived yet?

forgetmenots Thu 14-Mar-13 20:16:58

No, got a couple of months to get thinking!

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 14-Mar-13 20:21:12

Lovely time of year to have a baby, I had dc1in the spring and can remember lots of lovely long walks smile

RobinOgg Thu 14-Mar-13 20:22:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

forgetmenots Thu 14-Mar-13 20:36:00

So I'm told, it's dc1 for me too and everyone always comments how may/June is a nice time! Can only hope for nice weather and walks smile

Schmoozer Thu 14-Mar-13 22:12:08

Just to say boobalot totally agree with your appraisal of "super" nanny and the like.
Bullies.

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