to think DH is taking his atheism a bit too far?

[glassspider]

My son will soon be three years old and happily repeats phrases such as please, thank you, excuse me, when appropriate. When somebody sneezes, he also says "bless you," the way his relatives and most people with whom he has come into contact have said to him in the past.

My husband is an atheist and dislikes any form of religion or celebration of religious belief such as saints days, church ceremonies, anything like that, which I'm fine with. But he is telling our son it is bad to say "bless you" and we always say "gesundheit" instead. Is this not going to cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and bad feeling over a little phrase which will probably be said to him quite a lot throughout his life, and won't kill him?!

I guess if you're going to be an atheist, do it properly and according to what is right for you, just as followers of religions do. I just think small terms found in religion are such a part of life and culture that it will be impossible for DS to avoid them and to try and bar them all from his life will be more bother than it's really worth! AIBU?

[savoycabbage]

Hmm. You are right, I think, that it is going to be hard for your ds to avoid all of these phrases and is going to make him stand out like a sore thumb.

It sort of reminds me of those Dads who don't let their sons dress up in their mother's high heels in case it makes them gay.

What is he going to do if your ds wants to be religious? I am an atheist but I do not mind if my dc are not. And I don't mind them learning about it at school as I want them to form their own opinions about things.

[rhirhirhirirhi]

YANBU. I'm as atheist as you can get, but even I think your husband is being a little pedantic about this. ''Bless you'' has now become fully adopted as part of the everyday English language and whilst it once has religious connotations, it's now really just a figure of speech. Presumably he feels the same way about things along the line of, ''for God's sake'' or ''go to hell''? If not, challenge him on it! Your son will come across people saying ''Bless you'' and I don't think your husband should make it seem as if it's a 'naughty'thing to say. I also think that most British people (particularly children) won't have come across/ understand ''Gesundheit'' either, its usage seems to be dying out a little!

[msrisotto]

I dunno, there is such a lot of religious symbolism in our language that for sure he is fighting a losing battle but it's a worthy effort.

[cory]

I think your husband is OTT: bless you is rarely used in a Christian sense these days- it's just a polite phrase that people do not associate with religion.

Is your son also going to be banned from using the word holiday because of its original Christian meaning? (a holy day)

Your husband will have to buy a dictionary of etymologies and totally revise his own vocabulary if he is going to be consistent over this one.

Besides, when is your husband going to come to terms with the fact that as your ds grows up he will have to make his own decisions as to religion? He can hardly force a 10yo or a 14yo to follow his own convictions. My atheist parents had a Christian daughter. I otoh have two atheist children. Because children grow up into their own people.

[Jacaqueen]

YANBU

Your DH is an atheist your son at three is not. He should not be imposing his views onto his son.

By the way I am an atheist but both my sons are free to make up their own minds. DS one who is 12 does believe in God which is fine with me.

I always say bless you when some one sneezes and have been known to utter the odd fgs from time to time. It's just a phrase.

[msrisotto]

I don't think he is necessarily imposing his views on his son, at least not any more than society does with it's implicit religion. he's trying to even up the messages he's sent.

[noblegiraffe]

Is he trying to indoctrinate your child into atheism by pretending that religions don't exist?

In my opinion an open and enquiring mind is far better than one that has been forced down a particular path.

If his position is the right one, he should be able to reason it to his children.

[noblegiraffe]

msrisotto, if he's not imposing his views on his son, why is he saying that it's bad to say 'bless you' and not just modelling saying 'gesundheit' and hoping he'll follow suit instead?

[MegBusset]

Your DH is an atheist your son at three is not

Actually I disagree with you on this. All children are born non-religious, they have no concept of religion/deity until it's thrust upon them by parents/school/whoever.

Anyway I can't see what possible 'bad feeling' will be caused by not saying 'bless you'. So YABU. In our house we say 'scuse you' instead, I hardly think this will scar our DC for life.

[Lancelottie]

What are his views on Goodbye (God be with ye)?

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I am a fully paid up atheist, DH and DD are catholic. I never say oh for gods sake or thank god (generally FFS or thank goodness). I would never criticise someone elses belief even though I find it laughable.
Your DH is BVU.

[Lancelottie]

My daighter assumed it just meant the sound a sneeze makes, and spelt it Bleshoo, in a sensible enough fit of infant onomatopoeia

[mummytime]

You husband sound just like certain Christian groups I used to know. Just they banned words like Luck because it is supposed to be derived from Lucifer.

Of course we need to ask the great Richard Dawkins to see just how unreasonable your DH is. WWDD (What would Dawkins do?)

[Rachiesparrow]

I'm an atheist, and I can't see the problem with saying 'bless you'. I see it as more traditional and habitual (like saying 'oh my god', which I do, even though I don't believe in a god).

I think he's being a bit OTT, honestly.

[msrisotto]

"msrisotto, if he's not imposing his views on his son, why is he saying that it's bad to say 'bless you' and not just modelling saying 'gesundheit' and hoping he'll follow suit instead?"

meh, you have a point.

[Psammead]

Just as disturbing as a religious person imposing religious beliefs on their child. Surely the main goal of any parent is to ensure that their child achieves independence, part of which is the ability to decide things for themselves?

Plus, by encouraging him to shun cultural conventions he is just making life harder for him imo.

YANBU.

[ZZZenAgain]

glassspider, he is your son too, isn't he? So if you or your family/friends would usually say "bless you", are you all also not allowed to say it anymore because dh doesn't agree with it?

[BrittanyBeers]

Gesundheit is a fine word. (What's the literal translation btw?)

However i think the poor boy will be more upset at never opening a Christmas present or singing a carol or eating a hot cross bun.

Your DHIBU.

[breatheslowly]

YANBU. I'm an atheist and I used to not say "bless you". Then I realised that I liked it when people said it to me, so I should reciprocate.

On the other hand I don't like it when MIL ends phone conversations with "god bless" and my grandma says "god willing".

[PuzzleAddict]

In response to sneezes I say "Salud" which means Health in Spanish.

[Morloth]

Oh leave him too it. It doesn't really matter, your son will just put it down to his dad being a bit strange about things when he gets older.

At 3 DS1 thought we were gods, now he just thinks we are a bit mad.

[Morloth]

Gesundheit means "Healthiness" I think.